This Feeling
by unbreakable86
Summary: When Olivia is held hostage by William Lewis, can Amanda push her feelings for the brunette aside? An emotional rollercoaster begins for the blonde as the squad tries to find Olivia before it's too late. Tentative Rolivia at first, but Rolivia endgame. :)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Dick Wolf does. Some of the dialogue is taken from the episode 15x01,** _ **Surrender Benson**_ **. Not mine either.**

 **A/N 1: I apologize for not posting regularly, but I have been very immersed in the presentation of my master's thesis. It took a lot out of me and I was just burned out.**

 **A/N 2: When I watched this episode I thought, "Why not?". My second try at a Rolivia piece. Not Cabenson, but great chemistry nonetheless. But let's be honest here… Olivia Benson would have chemistry with a slice of toast. ;)**

 **Thoughts are in italics. As always, I took a few liberties regarding the plot. Also, if I were you, I would refrain from reading this if you like Brian Cassidy. ;) Happy reading!**

 **xxxx**

 **This Feeling**

" _What started out as friendship has grown stronger. I only wish I had the strength to let it show."_

Detective Amanda Rollins was casually perched at her desk at 7:30 in the morning, languidly sipping a Starbucks coffee so she did not have to drink the dishwater they got at the precinct. After having gotten a confession out of a delivery boy, Fin had gone out to get them the _good stuff_ , as he called it, as a treat. Waiting for her shift to be over, she smiled when she saw her fellow detective, Nick Amaro, make a face at the taste of his own coffee. They were all going about their business, every now and then teasing each other about who hadn't paid the coffee money yet, when Brian Cassidy walked in holding flowers, making Amanda want to take them and pummel him, making all the pretty red petals fly across the room.

She had no doubt that they were for Olivia. The woman who had captivated her from the day she first started working at the 1-6. At first she had brushed it off as admiration, but soon she could not deny her real feelings any longer. The way her heart fluttered when the dark-haired beauty walked into a room, the way the little hairs on the back of her neck stood at attention and goose bumps spread across her skin when she looked at her with these deep brown chocolate orbs. In hindsight, she had to admit that she had been smitten with Detective Olivia Benson since the day she had first laid eyes on her.

However, that same day she had also met Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot and had immediately noticed that there was history between these two. The way they had looked at each other, interacted with each other, had been so familiar and at the same time so… off! Unresolved. The way Alex had scrutinized Amanda when they were introduced had left her uncomfortable and wary.

Her musings were interrupted by Cassidy, "Yo, Munchie Munch."

Amanda had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes and John turned around, "Brian! Flowers? You didn't have to!"

"Yeah, dream on, pal," Cassidy mumbled, straightening his stance, "Hey, have you seen Liv?"

Amaro casually strolled past Brian, his coffee in hand, "Cragen gave her two days off."

Munch raised his eyebrows behind his glasses, "She didn't tell you?"

Brian looked like he had gathered completely new information so Amanda already knew the answer. However, she kept following the conversation going on between the three others. It was obvious that Amaro was not Cassidy's biggest fan and Amanda also knew that he knew about the blonde's not so subtle feelings for Olivia.

Brian looked at Munch, confused, "No. We were supposed to hook up yesterday, but I got roped into a double shift so–"

"So you stood her up?" Nick interjected. "Nice move!" His voice was dripping with sarcasm and Amanda could not help but snort into her coffee, earning them both a death glare from Cassidy.

"Look, I left her a couple of messages. I haven't heard back from her." Again, Amanda refrained from rolling her eyes.

 _Really? She's your fucking girlfriend,_ **pal** _…_

That was when the Captain stepped out of his office, smiling at seeing Cassidy, "Hey Brian!"

"Hey Cap!"

"How's Liv doing?"

Munch looked at their boss over his glasses and sing-songed, "He hasn't seen her."

Cragen frowned, deep creases of worry visible on his forehead, "When's the last time you spoke to her?"

Cassidy swallowed, his Adam's apple bouncing nervously in his throat, "Uh, Monday. I left a few messages."

Nick gave Amanda an eye-roll and she watched as he picked up the phone to call Olivia, while Cragen kept his gaze on Brian, "Well, she was pretty down when Lewis got released."

Cassidy interjected, always so protective over Olivia that it made Amanda want to vomit, "Yeah, well… Can you blame her? They just let the guy walk? Come on!"

Always the oh-so-worried boyfriend in front of others, when he was everything but in reality. He did not even know how to treat his woman. However, that was just Amanda's opinion.

"It went straight to voicemail. Hey Liv, it's Nick. Give me a call." Amaro hung up and that was when the strange feeling started in the pit of the blonde detective's stomach.

Munch shook his head, "You know Liv. She can't turn it off. She is probably deep into his case file by now."

Cragen shrugged, "Still, John. Alright, Rollins and Fin. Good work you two. Listen, I need a favor. Before you two punch out, just swing by Liv's apartment? I just want to make sure she hasn't gone down one of her rabbit holes."

The blonde felt Fin's eyes on her as she grabbed her coat and nodded. Her partner turned to Brian, "Hey, Cassidy. You comin' with?

Willing him to say no, Amanda anxiously awaited his answer, "Uh, no. I'm back on tour in thirty. Hey Rollins, if you talk to her, will you have her give me a call?"

Trying to prevent the blonde from jumping the poor man, Munch said, "Easy, Romeo. Just check in on her."

The blonde detective smiled her thanks, making her way out of the squad room, her partner letting her step onto the elevator first, "Manda, easy there with the daggers you shoot his way. He's a prick, but there ain't no going back once the whole precinct knows that you're crushing on Liv."

Amanda's eyes widened and her head whipped around, making Fin laugh, "No worries. You know… Liv is crushing on you, too."

Punching her partner's shoulder, the blonde grumbled, "No, she isn't. So shut it, Tutuola. Or the whole world will know that you are drooling after Melinda Warner."

Chuckling heartily, Fin waited for Amanda to step off the elevator first, before they made their way over to Olivia's apartment.

xxxx

While the blonde was driving over to Olivia's, Fin tried to call her landline several times but the brunette did not pick up, making Amanda's stomach roll unpleasantly once more. She had a bad feeling, but tried to push it to the back of her mind while they did not have confirmation.

Parking the car in front of Olivia's building, Amanda got out and looked up to the brunette's apartment, waiting for her partner to get out of the car so she could lock it. They took the stairs to the fourth floor, Fin huffing and puffing when they had made it up.

Amanda grinned, "Getting old, Finneus?"

Ignoring the friendly jab, Fin looked over at his partner of two years, "So, she didn't pick up her landline."

Feeling a lump in her throat, the blonde tried to find a reasonable answer, "Yeah, well… the girl had a tough week. I mean, she could just be catching up on her sleep."

Raising an eyebrow at her, Fin shot back, "For thirty-five hours?" He knocked at the door, calling Olivia's name, while Amanda's gaze found the door mat and the pile of mail lying on top of it.

"Okay, so either she didn't come home, or she hasn't left her apartment in two days," Amanda mused, praying that it was the latter.

"Hey, Liv! It's Fin! Liv!"

They did not get an answer and Amanda's hand automatically went to her gun. Looking back at her, Fin nodded and reached for his own firearm, before calling for back-up and kicking the door in. Seeing the inside of the apartment, the blonde's stomach dropped and anxiety settled in her midsection. However, they had to clear all rooms first before she could worry about that, so she tried to concentrate.

Walking into the bedroom, she heard Fin yell, "Clear!"

"Clear," she shouted back and rejoined her partner in the living room. They could only stare at each other disbelievingly at the picture before them. Lewis had ripped the whole place apart. The blonde's stomach turned at the sight of blood splattered over the floor and strands of Olivia's hair lying around. She tried to shake her head clear of the images flooding her head to prevent the bile from rising in her throat.

Moments later, Captain Cragen stormed into the apartment and took the scene in, "It's him. It's Lewis."

Nodding, the blonde tried to keep it together, "Yeah, he tied her up. He duct-taped her mouth. Her hair, her blood…" Amanda's felt her voice crack, "Captain… It's everywhere."

Her boss put his hand onto her shoulder, squeezing gently in an attempt to comfort the blonde detective, when Nick stormed out of the bedroom, "He might have taken her down the fire escape. The window's open. Her bedding is gone.

Cragen interjected, "Any sign of her cell?"

Having crouched down to take a closer look at the blood on the floor, even though she did not want to, Amanda replied, "No, it's not in the apartment, but TARU is tracking it.

The Captain nodded, "Canvass the building, the neighborhood. Check all surveillance cams."

The blonde saw her partner turn around out of the corner of her eye, "There's a pan on the stove with keys. It smells like burnt hair and flesh."

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath to keep her gag reflex in check, Amanda rose up to inspect what Fin had just pointed out, even if she did not want to. Her professionalism would not allow her anything else. There was indeed a pan on the stove, cigarette butts scattered all over the counter, keys and coat hooks left in the pan, making the blonde want to cry. The thought of Lewis having abducted her love was horrifying, imagining the torture and pain Olivia was probably going through was sickening. Amanda was brought back to the present by Cragen mumbling, "Son of a bitch." He turned to a uniformed officer, "A detective has been kidnapped. You bag everything. I gotta call one P. P." He whipped around to Amaro, pointing his finger at him, " _You_ find him!"

Feeling her phone vibrate in her pocket, Amanda retrieved it, sliding the screen to open the text message, "We got a ping off her cell. It's Bushwick. Lewis's halfway house."

With that, Amaro and Fin stormed out of the room and made their way over there.

xxxx

Having stayed behind to question Olivia's neighbors, Amanda received a phone call half an hour later, Fin telling her that Lewis had his roommate's Lincoln. He also said something about Vanessa Mayer, his attorney, but the blonde was already on her way out of the building, having hung up to report to the Captain.

Amanda found her boss on the sidewalk of Olivia's building, talking on the phone. She motioned for him to follow her to the car and they drove off in a direction that was not quite clear yet.

"Mind telling me where we are going, Rollins?" Cragen asked, "Is there any news?"

Looking at him every now and then, she answered, "Actually there is, Cap'n. Fin called me and said that Lewis stole his roommate's Lincoln and drove off to his lawyer girlfriend. We have to get a hold of Mayer."

"I'll call her office," Cragen spoke, already having punched something into his phone. "Captain Donald Cragen, Special Victims Unit. Miss Adler, I need to know about the whereabouts of Miss Vanessa Mayer today. We need to speak with her regarding an urgent matter." The blonde heard rustling on the other end before a woman's voice responded. The Captain nodded, "Thanks, Miss Adler." He hung up and switched on the sirens, "Courthouse. Step on it, Rollins."

Amanda did just that, hoping that they would find Olivia before it was too late.

xxxx

Running up the steps, the blonde detective flashed her badge and asked where Mayer was. The security man took one look in the books before answering, "The People vs. Jennifer Bolton. Courtroom One."

"Thanks, Officer," Amanda called over her shoulder, sprinting in the signposted direction, not waiting for her boss to follow. Storming into the courtroom, the blonde made a beeline to the defense's table, "Your Honor, if we could…"

"Order!" Judge Copeland yelled, banging her gavel on wood, the sound echoing through the courtroom.

Amanda was relentless, "This is an urgent police matter. We need to question Counselor Mayer."

The judge raised an eyebrow at Amanda, "We are in the middle of an arraignment."

"Look, I understand that–"

"Captain Donald Cragen, SVU. Your Honor, Counselor Mayer may have information about a suspect who's holding a NYPD detective hostage. Please, your Honor. We won't be long."

After having granted a recess, the judge dismissed Mayer for ten minutes, and the redheaded lawyer immediately went on a rant about how the NYPD had a vendetta against Lewis.

"Look, Counselor… Your client broke into Detective Benson's apartment two nights ago. Now, he either killed her or he's holding her captive."

Mayer shook her head, "You are out of your mind. I just saw him."

Amanda's and Cragen's eyes met before he turned back.

"When?"

"Where?" they asked at the same time, but Mayer just rolled her eyes.

"This is harassment. I don't have to answer your questions."

The redhead turned on her heel and stalked down the hallway. When Amanda followed her, she had to restrain herself so she would not smack this bitch over the head and slam her against the nearest wall. Instead, she pulled out her phone and tapped on the gallery icon to get her point across, "Hey, Counselor! Look, these… these are pictures from that detective's apartment."

Mayer curled her lip, "You have the wrong suspect. I was with him all day yesterday."

While Amanda was asking herself if the redhead was naive or really dense, Cragen insisted, " _Where_?"

Swallowing, Mayer finally answered, "We drove to Long Island."

"In a Lincoln?"

"Yes?"

 _Here we go._ "He stole it. Where'd you go?"

Now looking like a scared puppy, the redhead answered, "He said that he wanted to go to the beach to clear his head."

She still supported Lewis. They only saw the first flicker of doubt in the attorney's eyes when they went into the topic of her parents deeper. Lewis and Mayer had had dinner at their house the night before and when Cragen asked if they had been home, Amanda knew they had gotten through to her. She said that they had been there and the blonde did not even want to imagine what they would find upon arriving at the parents' house in Bellport.

xxxx

Amanda sat in the ambulance with Mrs. Mayer while the EMT were tending to the woman's needs, rushing her to the nearest hospital. They had found Mr. Mayer dead in the kitchen and his wife had been hanging in the bedroom closet, hands above her head, raped, burn marks marring her skin, but still alive.

They had also found Olivia's necklace in the Lincoln Lewis had left behind. The Mayers' car was missing, but Fin was able to find out that they drove a black Chevy SUV. At least they knew that Olivia had still been alive when Lewis brought her there.

"What happened, Mrs. Mayer? I need you to know everything that you remember."

The older woman looked at Amanda, her voice weak in her agitated state, "My daughter brought him. We all had supper together. He drove her to the train station. And then he came back."

The blonde saw tears gather in Mrs. Mayer's eyes, but she had to press for more information, "Can you tell me what happened after Lewis came back?"

The other woman swallowed hard, "He drew a gun on me and he made me take off my clothes. He made… oh, God! He made her watch while he raped me."

For the umpteenth time that day, Amanda's stomach churned and she dreaded what Mrs. Mayer would answer to her next question, "And this woman… Did she say anything?"

"No. She had duct-tape on her mouth. He told her to keep her eyes open. Every time she tried to close them he put a lit cigarette on me."

Leaning forward, the blonde queried a little more forcefully, "Was this woman… was she with him when he left?"

"Detective!" the EMT warned, but she had to know. Amanda just had to know if there was still hope for her love, forgetting all about being an SVU detective, who was interviewing a victim.

"She… she passed out…" Mrs. Mayer's voice was quivering and she was just shy of losing consciousness.

"But she was alive?" The blonde leaned over the other woman now, wanting to take her by the shoulders and just shake the answer she wanted to hear out of her, "Could you tell that she was alive?"

Feeling an arm push her back forcefully, her back hit the ambulance's side wall and she sunk back into her seat, "You're _done_ , Detective!"

xxxx

Sitting at her desk later that day, Amanda struggled to keep her eyes open as she tried to go over Lewis' M.O. with Munch. She felt a hand on her shoulder and jumped lightly, whipping her head around to see that it was only Fin, holding a cup of coffee out for her to take. She did, her lips twitching with a grateful smile, "Thanks, Fin."

"Manda, why don't you try to get some sleep in the cribs? Amaro and I are on our way out because they found a dead officer. I'm sure Munch can do this on his own. You look like hell."

Shaking her head violently, Amanda took a generous sip of her coffee, praying that the caffeine as well as the adrenaline pumping through her body would give her the strength to push through. Her love was somewhere out there, being tortured and God knew what by William Lewis and she needed to put a stop to it. She needed to find her even if it was the last thing she did. Reading through his file, trying to establish his patterns, she started to feel sick to her stomach. There were so many women he had tortured, raped, and even left to die in so many different states… and they had not gotten justice.

Running her hands over her face and heaving a deep sigh, the blonde stood up from her desk to start pinning all the information she had retrieved to the board before returning to her desk to help Munch dig through the rest of Lewis' file.

xxxx

Amanda just finished up reciting every sick detail of what William Lewis did to his other victims, mentioning that Vanessa Mayer told Cragen and her that they went to the beach so Lewis could clear his head, when Cassidy came at her, snapping, "The beach? In Long Island? Which beach, hm? North shore? South shore? The bay? Do you know how many beach houses there are in Long Island?"

Just like earlier that morning, Munch jumped in before the blonde could throw a heavy object in Cassidy's general direction, the stapler on her desk looking exceptionally attractive, "Easy there, Tiger. We don't want to lose our heads here. It's more than we had this morning and you don't get to lash out like that here. So knock it off!"

"Yeah, well… you still don't know where she is. What the hell are you doing?"

"Everything we possibly can, Brian. Knock. It. OFF! Or you will have to go. I'm serious," Munch interjected, his hands in the air, trying to calm Cassidy down.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm going out there!"

Holding Cassidy back, Munch answered, "You can't go out there. You're involved with the victim!"

" _Victim_?" Brian spat, pushing Munch in the process, but the Sergeant stood his ground.

" _Enough_ , Cassidy! They've got the zone flooded. State Troopers, Suffolk PD, NYPD. You won't see something they don't."

"Two days, Munch. What's he doing to her, man?"

Closing her eyes, the blonde tried to fight back the tears. It was not her place to cry. Olivia was not hers, but of course Amanda had the same thoughts constantly.

Her vision blurred and she heard Munch say, "You can't think like that."

"If she's even still alive."

Amanda's jaw went slack, tears running down her cheeks now, and the blonde wiped them away furiously. It was not her place and she did not want anybody to see her cry. She struggled to keep her feelings on a professional level. Brian Cassidy was Olivia's boyfriend. Olivia was not hers to protect. She was a fellow detective. Nothing more. So the blonde made her way over to her desk, hearing John soothe Brian on her way, "Liv's alive. She's a survivor."

xxxx

Lying in one of the cribs, Amanda tossed and turned, trying to get a little sleep. She had not slept in three days now, constantly trying to catch a break as to where Lewis took Olivia. The dead officer was Jimmy Hamilton. Lewis had shot him in the head and stole his squad car that he later used to pull over a mother, pistol-whipping her, before locking her and her baby in the squad car trunk and taking off in her white minivan.

Turning onto her back, Amanda stared at the ceiling, the thoughts running wild in her head. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Olivia's face. The brunette was crying, begging for her to come and rescue her.

She took a sharp intake of breath before rolling out of bed, making her way into the bathroom to splash water in her face and returning to the squad room. Fin was there, getting ready to leave when he spotted her, "Manda, your thirty minutes ain't over yet. Go back upstairs."

"I can't sleep, Fin. Where are you going?"

Tossing Amanda her jacket, he gruffly said, "Found the white minivan. We are on our way there now. Come on!"

Stumbling while putting on her jacket, the blonde followed Fin and Amaro to the elevator and to the car.

xxxx

When they stormed into the house where the van was found, Lewis was not there. They just encountered the daughter, who was making out with her boyfriend in her room. To say that the blonde found that fact discouraging was an understatement.

She holstered her weapon and made her way back downstairs and outside, motioning for the father that it was okay to step inside the now cleared house. Leaning against their car, she buried her head in her hands, heaving a deep, frustrated sigh. She was so, so tired. However, sleep was not an option. She would not be able to relax unless she knew Olivia was home save and sound.

They had already checked all the area's hardware stores and had found the one Lewis had bought supplies at. Amanda cringed internally at the thought that he had bought tarp, rope, wire and a hand-held blow torch. Images of Olivia tied to a bed somewhere flooded her mind and she had to fight another wave of nausea. Feeling cold sweat cover her body suddenly, she started to see little black dots as the world started spinning. She tried to hold on to the car more tightly, but to no avail. Her legs gave out under her. Fin was there to catch her around the waist, Amanda not having seen him approach her.

"Easy there, Baby Girl. Come on, let's get you in the car," he soothed, opening the door to the back seat, guiding Amanda so she could lie down. "Have you eaten?"

The world was still spinning and the blonde had a hard time focusing, "I don't remember."

"Okay, let's get you something to eat and a Coke. You didn't take care of yourself in the past few days."

xxxx

Having lain down on the couch in the Captain's office, legs propped up by pillows from the cribs, Amanda munched on a Burger with fries and drank the Coke that came with the meal. She didn't have an appetite, but she knew that she had to eat something. Otherwise she would just break down. Feeling the food's desired effect kick in, she let out a deep sigh. The dizziness was gone and she felt a lot stronger now that she was eating and drinking something other than coffee. Fin was right. She had just forgotten to eat while worrying about Olivia.

The blonde felt her senses sharpen and heard Fin approach, his heavy footsteps very familiar to her after two years of being partners. He opened the door and closed it softly behind him, Amanda watching his every step as he made his way over to her. The sofa dipped as he sat down in line with her waist, rubbing her belly, baby-talking to her, "Manda happy? Manda eaten? Good girl!"

"Fuck you, Tutuola." He grinned mischievously and the blonde continued, "In all seriousness… thanks, Fin. Any news?"

Shaking his head, he answered, "You're welcome, Baby Girl. And no, there ain't any news. Everyone is out there, combing through the beach houses close to where we found the van. We think that he got rid of the car and walked back and that he has to hold her hostage close by."

Amanda nodded, "Let me finish eating and clean up. Then I'm all yours. We have to be out there too, Fin."

"I know, but it wouldn't do anyone any good if you collapsed again. So take your time."

Chewing away on her fries, Amanda jumped when the door flew open, Amaro poking his head in, "We have her. She called. She is okay."

Amanda jumped up from the couch as did Fin, the blonde swaying dangerously as she felt another wave of dizziness hit her. Holding her up, her partner guided her out of the Captain's office, helping her into her jacket and grabbing a bottle of water for her to drink before they rushed outside to make their way to Long Island to get Olivia.

xxxx

When they arrived there with their sirens blaring, Suffolk PD and two ambulances were already there, the paramedics getting ready to go inside to get Olivia and Lewis. Nick got out of the car and stormed into the beach house, Amanda suppressing the urge to do the same. So she stayed outside with Fin, watching the EMTs going in. She was on edge, waiting for something to happen, waiting for some movement.

When the paramedics finally came out, Lewis was with them on a gurney. The blonde tensed up, her jaw going slack and she had to resist the temptation to just grab her gun and shoot him in the head. However, it looked like Olivia had already done the job, Lewis looking as if he had been beaten into a pulp. One of them shouted, "He's alive!"

Feeling her skin prickle, she looked up and made eye-contact with Olivia who was wrapped in a blanket and being guided out of the house by Nick. Amanda and Fin made their way over, just in time to hear Nick soothe the brunette, "It's over, Liv. It's over now."

Olivia was shaking, her arms covered in cuts and bruises, a laceration and big bruise right above her temple. There were no burns visible, but the blonde did not want to know _where_ exactly they were. Amanda kept her distance, but Olivia's and her eyes never left each other while Nick guided the brunette to the ambulance.

xxxx

They were back at the precinct and Olivia was giving her statement regarding the events with Lewis. Amanda stared at the Captain's office, the curly-haired redhead, who was interviewing the brunette getting up and leaving the office.

Cragen held Olivia back for another word in private when Amanda saw Cassidy enter the squad room, sending a stake through her heart. He made a beeline to the Captain's office, taking his place at Olivia's side. Amanda's eyes burned with unshed tears and she felt a reassuring hand on her shoulder, turning her head to see her partner giving her a sad smile.

"You okay, Manda?"

Wiping at her eyes furiously, the blonde nodded, "Yeah, I'm just glad that she is alright."

Fin squeezed her shoulder once more before making his way over to his desk, leaving Amanda with her thoughts, her hands buried deeply in her jeans pockets, the weight of her gun gently resting against her right wrist, her eyes glued to Olivia in the next room, making her feel like a creep. However, she wanted and desperately needed to make sure that she was really there, safe and sound. Even though her nightmare was over and Lewis was locked away, the blonde knew that she would probably need time to process and get over her ordeal.

Brian wrapped his arm around the brunette's shoulders, guiding her out of the Captain's office and through the squad room. Olivia looked straight at Amanda, their eyes staying on each other, the blonde giving her love a small smile as she watched them disappear around the corner on their way to the elevator.

xxxx

It was three in the morning and Amanda was still sitting on her sofa, watching a rerun of a basketball game from the night before, sipping her beer. Frannie had her head in the blonde's lap, demanding cuddles, and the blonde was happy to comply.

She thought she would be able to sleep when she knew that Olivia was safe, but apparently she had been wrong. The brunette was constantly on her mind and Amanda was still worried about her. She wished that she could just hold her in her arms and make sure that she was okay herself. Instead, her mind taunted her with images of Olivia and Cassidy lying in bed together, making her let out a frustrated sigh.

Carmelo Anthony had just scored another three-pointer for the New York Knicks when the blonde heard a knock at her door. Peeking at her watch, she asked herself who might be on the other side at three o'clock in the morning.

Gently lifting Frannie's head and getting up, she walked over to the door and looked through the peep hole, only to stay rooted to the spot, shell-shocked. She slid back the door chain, tentatively opening the door for a very disheveled and tired looking Olivia Benson.

Holding the door open wordlessly, Amanda just stared at the brunette entering her apartment, who lingered in the entry area until the blonde had closed the door.

Amanda did just that, sliding the chain into place once more before turning to her fellow detective. When their eyes locked, Olivia's flood gates opened, her face contorting in anguish, and she sunk against Amanda who happily wrapped the brunette tightly in her arms, rocking her while Olivia sobbed uncontrollably.

"Sssssh! It's okay, Liv. Let it out."

The brunette's legs gave out under her, her uninjured hand grabbing a fistful of the blonde's shirt, and Amanda pulled her tighter against her body, mindful of her broken wrist. "Let's get you to the couch. Come on, Hon."

Without saying a word, Olivia set one foot in front of the other, the blonde's arm still firmly wrapped around her waist, as they made their way over to the sofa.

Nudging Frannie to get her to move, Amanda coaxed, "Come on, Frannie May… I need you to lie down in your own bed for the rest of the night."

She smiled at the look of reproach she got from her dog before Frannie got up from the couch and walked over to her bed, plopping down onto the large cushion with a dramatic sigh.

She felt Olivia chuckle next to her and looked over, the moment having gone as quickly as it had come, as a fresh wave of tears made its way down the brunette's cheeks. Squeezing Olivia's waist gently, Amanda sat down on the couch, waiting for her fellow detective to join her. However, Olivia did not move. Instead, she stared at the length of the couch before letting her gaze return to Amanda, gently biting her lower lip.

The blonde thought that she understood and carefully lay back on the couch, her head resting against the armrest, holding her arms out for the brunette to climb in. Maneuvering her body around to avoid putting an even bigger strain on her bandaged arm, Olivia lay down, placing her head onto Amanda's right shoulder and sighing deeply.

The blonde shuddered lightly when Olivia's breath hit her neck, but tried her best not to show it. This was not the time for expressing her feelings. This was the time to be there for a friend who had just been through hell. Of course this felt like so much more than friendship. Why else would Olivia come to her? Maybe Fin was right and the brunette felt their connection, too? Shaking her head to push these thoughts out of her mind, the blonde wrapped her arm around the other woman's waist and pulled her close, the sounds of the basketball game only serving as background noise now.

There was a giant metaphorical balloon swelling in Amanda's chest because Olivia had come to her. She had chosen her over Brian fucking Cassidy and that fact filled the blonde with joy, making butterflies erupt in her belly.

"Whenever you're ready, Liv."

"Thank you," came the whispered reply.

So the blonde just kept stroking Olivia's back and kissed the top of her head, patiently waiting in case the brunette indeed did want to talk about what happened. Even if she did not, Amanda would happily just hold her in silence–for however long.

xxxx

 **A/N 3: Thanks for reading. The quote is taken from the song** _ **Can't Fight This Feeling**_ **by Reo Speedwagon. I have a second chapter in the works, telling Olivia's side of the story. Let me know if that would be something you want.**

 **Reviews are love. Until next time. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Blah, blah, blah... Some of the dialogue is once again taken from the episode 15x01,** _ **Surrender Benson**_ **. Not mine, either.**

 **A/N 1: Thank you SO much for your support. I just started writing Rolivia and the warm welcome I have gotten to writing this ship has been really amazing. Thanks! So I have decided to follow the Lewis storyline up until Olivia's second kidnapping and I will just "go with the flow", as they say, afterwards.**

 **I apologize for taking so long to update this one, but my faithful Cabenson readers were waiting for an update as well. ;) Speaking of which, in this one Alex Cabot never left SVU after season 13. :) Maybe I will imply a relationship Alex currently has with Casey Novak. However, they won't be mentioned much, as this one is Rolivia centered, but Alex is mentioned in** _ **this**_ **chapter, yes. And there's Cabenson, too.**

 **Flashbacks and thoughts are in italics, as usual.**

 **WARNING: There are Olivia/Lewis scenes in here. As we know, Lewis was a sadistic pig… so you might wanna skip those (second passage in italics) if they are likely to trigger something in you.**

 **Happy reading.**

xxxx

 **Chapter 2**

" _Every morning, every evening, ain't we got fun? Not much money. Oh, but Honey… ain't we got fun? The rent's unpaid, dear. We haven't a bus, but smiles were made, dear... for people like us. In the winter, in the summer… don't we have fun?"_

Olivia Benson jolted awake from her sleep, frantically looking around the unfamiliar room she was in, her breathing heavy. She could not locate the source the music was coming from and the brunette was close to crying because he had come back. He had come back to get her.

Agitated, she searched for her gun and spotted it on the nightstand, scrambling to get up and get a hold of it. In her panic, she had not recognized the blonde lying in bed next to her, grumbling and reaching for her phone to turn off her alarm.

So Olivia pointed her service weapon at Amanda Rollins who had yet to realize what kind of situation she was in. The brunette's vision was blurred due to the tears that were brimming her eyes and she was desperately trying to focus, desperately trying to get a hold of the situation and herself.

When the blaring of the phone had stopped, Amanda breathed out a _Finally!_ and turned around to face Olivia, but looked down the barrel of the brunette's gun instead. She jumped and fell backwards off the bed in shock with a loud bang, startling the brunette even more.

Shaking her head again and again to clear the fog, Olivia yelled, "Don't move! I'll shoot you!"

Slowly, but surely Amanda peeked over the edge of the bed, holding her hands into the air in a calming manner, "Liv, it's me. Amanda. Nothing is going to happen to you. You are safe, I promise. Just listen to my voice. Listen to my voice, Hon."

Pressing the bottom of the gun grip to her temple, the brunette shut her eyes tightly to control her breathing and her fear, before pointing her weapon in Amanda's direction once again, mumbling, "No, no, no, no! This isn't real."

The blonde bit her lip because she wanted nothing more than to run over to her love and hold her tight, but she couldn't. So instead, she tried again to get through to her fellow detective, "Olivia, it's Amanda. _Please_ , put the gun down. I'm not him. He is not here. Lewis is locked up. Please, Hon. Put the gun down."

It was then that something changed in Olivia's eyes, a sign for Amanda that the brunette was slowly coming back to her, "That's it, sweetheart. It's Amanda. Put the gun away. _Please_ …"

"Manda?"

"Yes, Baby. It's me. Amanda. You're safe here. You're safe…"

Finally snapping out of it, Olivia shook her head clear and when she realized whom she was pointing the gun at, she immediately diverted it, putting it back on the nightstand, tears once again gathering in chocolate orbs, "Oh, my God. I am so sorry."

Slowly walking over to the other detective, the blonde opened her arms for Olivia to step into them whenever she was ready. The brunette did just that, letting Amanda wrap her arms around her waist, her own going around the blonde's neck, flaxen locks tickling her nose. Olivia discreetly took in Amanda's scent, letting it wash over her, calm her, and desperately hoped that the blonde detective would not notice. Amanda had just called her _Baby_. Even if it had just been an accident, there was a glimmer of hope igniting in Olivia's chest, making her heart flutter.

Meanwhile, Amanda berated herself in her head for having done that.

 _Baby? Stupid, Rollins. So, so stupid. Change the subject!_

"I'm sorry, Liv. It was just my alarm tone. I forgot to turn it off. I didn't mean to startle you."

Olivia's heartbeat gradually slowed back down, Amanda's arms around her having a calming effect. The blonde's fingers were skimming over Olivia's lower back in a steady motion, her cheek pressed against the brunette's temple as Olivia's forehead was resting on Amanda's shoulder.

They had spent a couple of minutes in silence when the blonde finally asked, "Do you want me to call Brian?"

Although she dreaded the answer, she would do anything to make her fellow detective feel better. Olivia, however, shook her head against Amanda's shoulder, and whispered, "No…"

"What about Abbie? I'll bet she could be here in an hour or two."

"No, it's okay, Manda. Just hold me?" Olivia breathed timidly, nervous about how the blonde would react to her plea.

Amanda's stomach did a backflip and her heart swelled with love for the brunette in her arms, "Of course, Hon. Come on," she coaxed, gently taking Olivia's uninjured hand into hers, leading her toward the bed, but the brunette seemed to have other plans.

"Could we… uuuh," she stuttered, not really sure how to ask the question without sounding completely insane.

"What is it, Liv? You can tell me," the blonde smiled, placing two fingers under Olivia's chin to get her to look at her.

The brunette looked up tentatively, asking herself why the hell Amanda's eyes had to be so blue. It was like they were daring her to resist this beautiful woman. After seconds of staring Olivia realized that she had yet to answer the question, "Uuuh, I was wondering if we could go to the living room and turn the TV on for a little while? I'm not good with… uuh… well, silence…" There! She said it. Big, bad Detective Benson was afraid of the dark and rooms that were too quiet. She hung her head in embarrassment, her hair falling forward and shielding her face so Amanda could not see the blush on the brunette's cheeks.

She felt a soft tug at her hand and the blonde must have agreed because she was walking them through the bedroom door and in the direction of the couch. Just as Amanda had done the night before, she stretched out and opened her arms for Olivia. A grateful brunette climbed in and snuggled into the blonde's side. Clumsily reaching for the remote on the coffee table, Amanda switched on the TV and zapped through the channels in search of something mindless. Settling on _The Big Bang Theory_ re-runs, she lowered the volume a little so the show could run in the background. She wrapped her arm around Olivia's shoulder and noticed how tense the brunette was, so she once again drew random patterns on her friend's back, whispering, "Relax, Liv. You're safe here."

The sofa dipped twice, a sign that Frannie had made her way onto the couch to join the two ladies. Front paws dug into Amanda's stomach and the blonde let out huff followed by a grunt. "Jeez, Frannie. Careful with my abs. They are what gets me the ladies."

Frannie looked at her mommy with her big, brown eyes, her ears standing at attention, her head cocked to the side in curiosity, looking between Olivia and Amanda, as if asking the blonde what was wrong with her friend. She lay down, her head tucked under Amanda's chin, her nose sniffing Olivia before lightly licking the brunette's cheek. Olivia crinkled her nose and Amanda laughed heartily, "The thing with Frannie is that she thinks all us _hoomans_ need to feel better is her love. Feeling better doesn't seem to involve being able to breathe though," she added, wheezing lightly under Frannie's full weight that was resting on her body.

The brunette chuckled, nuzzling the dog's head with her nose because her free arm was the broken one, but did not say anything; her mind was reeling.

 _Careful with my abs. They are what gets me the ladies._

Olivia had not missed the other detective's words and her heart had leapt into her throat at hearing them. However, she was aware of the fact that she was a lot older than the other woman and that she probably was not attracted to her, let alone reciprocated her feelings. She felt horrible for even having these thoughts because she was with Brian, but there was a reason why she had postponed moving in with him time and time again. She genuinely liked the man, had relished in the feeling of having someone in her life and in her corner, but she felt that _both_ their hearts were not really in it this time, unlike twelve years prior.

Before Cassidy had become part of the picture again, Alex had popped back up out of nowhere, home from Africa, beautiful as ever with her porcelain skin and deep, cerulean blue eyes. Olivia had missed her so much, but knew that they could not be together; not after everything that had happened between them. That same day one Amanda Rollins had waltzed into her life, with her sexy southern drawl, swag, and beautiful smile. In all that chaos, Brian Cassidy had been the easier option. She had been scared of the alternative, even though the brunette knew that Brian and her were not meant to be. Day by day, the blonde detective had wormed her way into Olivia's heart a little more, ever scrutinized by a blonde attorney, watchful, icy blue eyes never leaving Amanda, visibly making her squirm. She knew Alex so well and she knew what she had been doing.

xxxx

 _Knocking at Alex's office door late at night, she did not wait for an answer before stepping inside. The blonde attorney's lips curled into a smile at seeing the brunette, but Olivia just fixed her with a stare, handing over the folder she had brought, "Our Fives for the Nico Gray case. Nail them to the wall."_

 _Blue eyes sparkled when Alex quipped, "Oh, I will. And I will enjoy it immensely."_

" _Good," Olivia answered and after a few seconds of silence, she looked up and into her ex-girlfriend's eyes, "What are you doing Alex?"_

 _A look of confusion settled on the blonde's face, her forehead creasing into a frown, "What do you mean, Liv?"_

 _Rolling her eyes, Olivia had to admit that the blonde attorney was a really good actress. And the Oscar goes to… Alexandra Cabot in 'How to Play Dumb'._

" _Oh, come on, Alexandra. The way you've been shooting daggers at Rollins? Really? The poor girl is probably scared shitless because of you."_

 _Perfectly sculpted eyebrows rose, meeting a perfectly coiffed hairline. Why did Alex Cabot have to be so fucking perfect all the time? Even when she pretended to be appalled at the detective's words, "I did no such thing!"_

 _However, the blonde could not hold back her smirk when she said that, driving the other woman crazy in the process. Taking a deep breath, the brunette decided to not let Alex get to her, "Anyway, I would appreciate if you just left her alone. She is brilliant at what she does and we really need her on the team."_

 _Getting up from her chair, the blonde attorney sauntered over to Olivia, a sway in her perfect hips, long creamy legs on display in that charcoal grey pencil skirt, a fuchsia blouse neatly tucked in. She looked gorgeous and the brunette tried her best to look into the other woman's eyes. Even though she had no intentions of getting back together with the blonde, nature had given her a pair of eyes that were very much capable of appreciating beauty when they saw it and planting inappropriate thoughts in her head, making her want to take Alex right then and there on her desk._

 _The attorney came to a halt right in front of the detective and the blonde was a little too close for Olivia's taste. The brunette could feel the other woman's breath on her face, blue orbs boring into brown until Alex looked down and started to play with the fabric of the brunette's white silk blouse, tickling her stomach as she did so. A husky voice reached Olivia's ears as Alex whispered, "She is in love with you, you know?"_

 _They both looked up at the same time and their eyes met once again, the brunette confused by the other woman's words, "Who now?"_

 _Chuckling, Alex playfully rolled her eyes, "Amanda Rollins, Babe."_

" _Don't call me that! And no, she isn't," the brunette hastily said, squirming, because Alexandra Cabot was too close. Way too close, Thierry Mugler's fragrance 'Alien' tickling Olivia's nose in a very alluring manner. So she tried to take a step back, but long, nimble fingers had grown bolder and Alex had snaked her right arm around the brunette's waist, pulling her close._

 _Olivia swallowed hard, trying to resist, but how could you resist a goddess when you had not had sex in ages? In her head, Olivia knew that they were not good for each other. They both had very strong personalities and they clashed more often than they did not. It was infuriating. However, they also had chemistry, which led to mind-blowing, life-altering sex._

 _With Alex being so close, a very foggy-brained Olivia Benson gave in and let her gaze drop to the blonde's lips, seeing them curl into another smug smile at this action. Her eyes darted back up and they simultaneously crashed their lips together, the brunette's hands going straight into thick, flaxen locks, pushing Alex back and up onto her desk, pulling her skirt up so the blonde could spread her legs._

 _Olivia stepped into them, the blonde wrapping her legs fully around the detective's waist, and the brunette parted Alex's lips with her tongue, both of them letting out a groan at the first contact. Olivia's hands tugged at the fuchsia blouse, freeing it from Alex's skirt and popped the buttons open hastily, her eager mouth descending until it reached perfectly perky breasts waiting for her to give them attention. Not losing any time, the brunette pulled one lacy bra cup down and enveloped an already peaked nipple with her hot, wet mouth, letting her tongue swirl before suckling gently._

 _Alex threw her head back and moaned loudly, long, pale fingers holding Olivia's head in place. While the brunette's left hand steadied the attorney's lower back, her right wandered between muscular thighs, over the hem of Alex's stockings, until it reached already damp panties._

 _Gasping into the blonde's mouth at what she felt, she lightly started to tickle the other woman's clit over her underwear, making Alex whimper, "Please, Liv! Please, Baby. Fuck me!"_

 _Shaking off the pet name, Olivia pushed the attorney's lacy panties aside and they both groaned in pleasure when skilled fingers came in contact with silky, glistening folds._

" _Take it!" Alex breathed and that was all the brunette needed. Circling the other woman's entrance a few times, gathering some of the wetness, she plunged two fingers inside, making the blonde throw her head back and bite her lip to hold back a loud moan, a strangled sound ripping from her throat instead. They moved in sync, Olivia setting a hard and fast pace, curling her fingers to hit Alex's g-spot, her thumb brushing her clit, and the blonde meeting her halfway every time the brunette entered her, "Oh fuck, yes! Fuck, fuck, fu-"_

"Oh _my God. I'm_ so _sorry!" The intruder's voice sounded mortified and they broke apart, chests heaving, Olivia's hand in the proverbial cookie jar. She hastily pulled out and faced Amanda, a bright red blonde detective standing in the doorway, her eyes glued to the floor, "I'm sorry. I-I-I kn-knocked, but there was no answer."_

" _So the logical conclusion was just to come in?" Alex snapped, making Amanda flinch._

" _I… uuuh… I'm gonna wait in the car."_

" _Yeah,_ do _that!" the blonde spat in her Ice Queen tone, making the other detective trip over herself to get out of Alex's office, softly closing the door behind her, and the attorney turned back to the brunette, purring, "Where were we?"_

 _She tried to pull Olivia back in, but the brunette quickly scrambled away and out of reach. "I can't. Jesus, Alex… we're at work. What the hell was that?"_

" _Chemistry," the blonde smirked before adding, "We still have it and for the record, we are alone."_

 _The brunette shook her head, "But I don't want the chemistry!" Amanda standing there, shy, timid, shuffling her feet while her eyes were glued to the floor, had been like a cold shower for Olivia. She had to go after her. Had to explain. So she tried to straighten her disheveled appearance, leaving Alex to stare after her while she ran into the bathroom to wash her hands to then join her fellow detective in the car._

 _xxxx_

 _When Amanda had left the attorney's office, she sank back against the wall and closed her eyes, leaning her head back to get a hold of herself. Olivia Benson had just fucked Alex Cabot on her desk and she had barged in on it. That was something she never wanted to see. Her throat constricted with impending tears and the blonde tried to push them down, tried to push the images to the back of her mind. She loved the brunette so much. So much and in that moment, she decided that she had to distance herself to protect her heart from more pain. Olivia Benson was not hers and would never be, because she obviously loved someone else._

xxxx

The brunette started to feel a little drowsy, lost in her thoughts. She had tried to talk to her fellow detective that day, had tried to test the waters a little to gauge her reaction. However, Amanda kept telling her that it was okay, that she was just embarrassed about having walked in on them, so Olivia let it go. She obviously had misinterpreted the other woman's reaction, making her push the fact aside that the attractive blonde made her heart flutter. She unconsciously squeezed Amanda a little more tightly and heard her chuckle, "I can hear you thinking, you know?"

Feeling nimble fingers start massaging her scalp, the brunette let out a contented sigh at how good it felt, "Relax, Hon. It's gonna be okay. I'm here for you."

Olivia's eyelids felt heavy now, the emotional exhaustion slowly taking over her body and she allowed herself to close her eyes, Amanda's hand never ceasing its movement, gently playing with chestnut locks.

The blonde detective just relished in the moment of Olivia being pressed against her, even though it was just a friendly gesture. She had said goodbye to the thought that the beautiful brunette could reciprocate her feelings a long time ago. However, what Fin had said five days prior still haunted her.

 _Liv is crushing on you, too._

It had not left Amanda's thoughts, but then Olivia had not answered her door and when all hell broke loose, her feelings had become completely unimportant. Then Olivia had come to her the night before. She had held the brunette on the couch, she had tucked her in and held her through the night. After Olivia's ordeal that morning, she had noticed how the other detective had taken in her scent and it made her heart flutter lightly in her chest. The brunette's breathing slowly evened out until she was fast asleep, Frannie on the blonde's right side staring at Olivia as if to make sure she was okay, Amanda scratching the dog's head because she was just too sweet for her own good, "My good girl. One day, burglars will come to our home and you will help them carry all our stuff out of here, won't you? That's how sweet you are… "

She knew that it was not true. She kissed Frannie's head gently because she knew that her dog would protect her fiercely until the very end. "I'm just kidding, my girl."

Amanda's eyes drifted off to the TV, Sheldon just telling Penny that other people's stupidity made him so sad he wanted to cry. Chuckling at that comment because he was so right, she felt Olivia snuggle deeper into her once again, softly sighing out, "Manda…"

Tightening her hold on her love, the blonde kissed a tan forehead, her lips touching silky skin, before whispering, "I'm here, Baby. I will always be here. You're okay."

xxxx

 _Lewis's thumb was boring into the burn marks on Olivia's chest and she let out a hiss of pain before biting her lip to prevent any more sounds from leaving her mouth. She refused to let this pig see her pain. He would never know how scared for her life she was._

" _What about that pert little detective? The blonde one, huh? She's not gonna notice all the bruises, all the cuts?" Lewis snarled, his thumb pressing down a little more forcefully so the brunette had to fight back her tears._

' _No, no, no! Not Amanda. He can't hurt her.'_

" _Cab stopped short. I hit my face on the divider," Olivia answered, determined to protect the beautiful blonde detective from this beast's claws._

 _A sly smile spread across Lewis's face, "Nah! She's like a dog with a bone, that one."_

 _Right in that moment the brunette's phone went off and she did not know if she was elated or terrified about that; Lewis was being distracted from Amanda, but the fact that Brian was calling was likely to set him off, so she just continued talking, regardless of what would happen, "That's probably my boyfriend. He's N.Y.P.D. He's on his way over here now."_

 _Smirking, he sing-songed, "Boyfriend, huh?"_

" _Yes!"_

 _Waggling his eyebrows, Lewis asked, "Does he have keys?"_

 _No, he doesn't. "Yes, he does," Olivia said, praying that he would not see that she was flat out lying to him._

 _His tiny smirk turned into a huge grin and the brunette knew that he had, "Huh! It's funny that I don't see much of his stuff around. One robe in the bathroom, one toothbrush. You wouldn't lie to me, would you?"_

 _Grabbing her hair forcefully, he pulled her head back, making her hiss once again. He could not know about her feelings for one blonde detective. He would go after her, rape and torture her… and he would make Olivia watch. So she had to keep his thoughts elsewhere…_

 _xxxx_

 _She was tied to an iron bed frame, hands above her head, her mouth duct-taped. Listening to Lewis mumble to himself about scissors and something perfect he had just found, all Olivia could think about was a beautiful blonde detective. Her toned 5'5" frame, gorgeous cerulean eyes, soft hands, that charming little smirk…_

 _Lewis re-entered the room and stopped dead in his tracks, "What's that look? Are you feeling sad? Thinking about someone you're never gonna see again? Mom? Dad? Boyfriend? No, huh?" The sharp pain around her mouth when Lewis brutally ripped the duct-tape off drove tears into the brunette's eyes, but she did her best to stay quiet._

 _The bed dipped as he climbed onto it, that devilish smirk pulling on the corners of his mouth yet again. Aligning his body with Olivia's, he whispered hoarsely, "It's someone else. Someone, who you would give anything to see just one more time."_

 _Closing her eyes, she tried to keep the tears at bay, so as not to give him what he wanted. However, she could not clear her mind…_

 _Amanda…_

 _Lewis gently kissed her arm, making her want to vomit and tears streamed down her cheeks now, before he continued taunting her, "You're gonna cry their name out at one point. They always do... Well, just try to put them out of your mind, okay? 'Cause you don't make it out of here alive."_

 _xxxx_

 _Fierce eyes were staring at her, the rage in them prominent, as he forced her mouth open and shoved her own gun inside, tickling the back of her throat, and Olivia had to fight back her gag reflex, "You don't tell me what to do. Okay? Now you say…"_

 _The brunette had started crying, "I wanna live. I'll do anything. Please, I'll do anything…"_

" _Yes, you will," Lewis rasped, turning around and pointing his gun at Amanda, a sadistic grin on his face, "But first, you will watch your little girlfriend die."_

 _A shot echoed through the room and all Olivia could do was scream in agony._

xxxx

Penny was telling Sheldon to shove lemons somewhere when Olivia started thrashing and screaming in Amanda's arms. The volume of her screams startled Frannie, making her topple over and off the couch with a whine.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, Frannie May."

The blonde felt terrible, but she had to dodge some of the swings Olivia took in her sleep.

"Liv, wake up. It's just a bad dream. Wake up."

The blonde tried to get a hold of the other detective's wrists to stop her from thrashing around, but Olivia hit her square in the face, causing her eye socket to feel like it was smashed, "Ow! Fucking hell!"

Scrambling from the couch, Amanda kneeled next to it to get a better angle, trying to wake the brunette with a soothing tone of voice once again, "Liv! Wake up, sweetheart. It's just a bad dream."

Gently shaking Olivia's shoulders, she prayed that it would not scare her too much, "Come on, Hon. Wake up. Open those beautiful eyes for me."

"No, no, no, no, no…" Olivia's body was covered in sweat and she heard Amanda's voice somewhere through the fog.

 _Wake up, Hon. Come back to me. It's just a bad dream._

"NO!" Olivia woke with a start, sitting upright on the couch, once again trying to make out her surroundings. She heard Amanda's voice right away, soothingly trying to reach her. The brunette's eyes snapped up, immediately locking onto blue ones, her racing heart slowing down instantaneously.

Smiling, the blonde slid her hands toward Olivia, her palms facing upward, "Hi."

Tears gathered in the brunette detective's eyes, "You're here."

Amanda's smile grew, "Of course I am, sweetheart."

Feeling the tears' wetness cover her cheeks, Olivia took Amanda's hand and pulled her up. She freed her left arm of its sling and guided the other detective back onto the couch and into a hug.

Strong arms wrapped around her and pulled her close, "Sssh, it's okay. It's okay."

All of the brunette's emotions came out in a strangled sob, fisting the other woman's shirt tightly.

"It's okay, Hon. I'm here," Amanda continued to soothe her, stroking the brunette's back in a steady motion once again.

"He… h-h-he killed you. And I had to watch."

Amanda closed her eyes at the admission, trying not to let the tears fall, trying to be strong for the beautiful woman in her arms. "I'm so sorry, Hon. I'm so sorry."

Olivia pulled away when she heard that the blonde's voice was raspier than usual, clouded with impending tears and saw a red blotch appearing around the other woman's eye. Her eyes widened and she lifted her hand, tentatively letting her forefinger trace Amanda's temple, and whispered, "Did I do that?"

Olivia watched as the blonde's eyelids fluttered at her touch, making her own heart skip a beat. Could it be? However, the brunette's heart shattered when Amanda nodded as an answer to her question.

"I'm so sorry," she whimpered, but Amanda pulled her closer.

"It's okay. You were dreaming. It looks worse than it actually is, I promise." The blonde gave her a small smile and Olivia felt her skin tingle where her finger touched the other woman's cheek. The brunette's eyes darted across Amanda's face, down to a plush, kissable mouth and back up to her eyes. Seeing a flicker in those blue eyes, Olivia's stomach did a backflip, and she asked herself if she could dare to kiss the other woman. Just a brush of their lips and she would know everything she needed to know.

Amanda was going crazy with want. The brunette was so close that she could almost feel her breath on her lips and she subconsciously leaned in further so their noses were touching. Their eyes stayed locked and the blonde's breathing intensified, her mind screaming at her to pull away, but she was unable to. Frannie decided for her when she let out a loud sneeze, startling both women and bringing them back to reality.

The spell was broken and Amanda got up and walked over to her dog, "Gesundheit, my girl." Gently scratching Frannie's head, the blonde added, "I'm so sorry you fell off the couch. Let's check you out, okay?"

Tentatively bending all of the dog's joints, she watched her reaction. When she did not show any sign of pain, Amanda moved on to her back, spine and head. Frannie, however, just wagged her tail and lay her head into the crook of the blonde's arm, big, brown eyes lovingly staring up at her, making Amanda smile. "I love you so much, my sweet girl," she whispered and kissed the dog's head once more, taking in the scent of her freshly bathed fur.

Olivia had watched the scene unfold and fell just a little deeper in love with one Amanda Rollins. Getting up from the couch as well, she walked over to where the blonde was crouched down to inspect her dog, waiting for her to get up. She had to know.

The blonde slowly stood erect, her knees cracking in the process, making both of them flinch. Amanda turned around and came face to neck with Olivia, jumping lightly because she had not expected the taller woman to be standing right in front of her. The brunette slithered one arm around Amanda's waist and pulled her closer once again.

The blonde's eyes widened and her heart leapt into her throat, "O-Olivia?"

Olivia's finger on her lips stopped Amanda from saying any more, "Shh! I just… I need…"

Stopping mid-sentence, the brunette leaned in and brushed her lips against Amanda's. She felt a jolt of electricity surge through her body at the first contact and she poured every ounce of the last two years' yearning into their kiss.

The blonde shuddered at the feel of their lips moving against each other, a slow dance to a music only they could hear, and it felt like they had done this a million times before. Tangling her hands in Olivia's hair, Amanda deepened their kiss, letting her tongue dart out tentatively. When her tongue slipped into the brunette's mouth, they both groaned, startling the blonde, making her break their liplock with lightning speed.

Amanda's eyes flew open and she covered her mouth in shock about what she had done, stuttering out, "Oh, my God… I'm… I'm s-so s-sorry!"

Confused brown orbs looked back at her, Olivia's arm still around the blonde's waist, "What for?"

"I-I took advantage of you," Amanda stammered, trying to put distance between the other detective and herself, but the brunette did not loosen her grip around a slim waist.

Shaking her head, Olivia pulled the blonde even closer and brushed their noses together, "No, you didn't."

Struggling against the brunette's firm grip, Amanda whined, "Please, Liv! I can't."

Finally letting the blonde detective go, Olivia asked softly, "You can't? What exactly is it that you can't do?"

Pointing between Olivia and herself, Amanda clarified, "This. You and me. Kissing. It's too hard."

A tiny smirk tugged at the brunette's lips, "Oh, I have to disagree. I found it quite easy and very satisfying. You are an exceptionally good kisser."

When the blonde saw Olivia waggle her eyebrows she started pacing, "This is serious, Olivia. You don't understand. You just don't. And besides, you're with Cassidy."

Frowning, the brunette shot back, "Why don't you explain it to me then? And forget Brian for a second."

Amanda crossed her arms and heaved a deep sigh, "I told you, because you wouldn't understand."

Olivia took a step toward the other woman, "Try me!"

Tears gathered in the blonde's eyes, making her look up to the ceiling so they would not spill over, but to no avail. Feeling the wetness cover her cheeks, Amanda started sobbing, not knowing whether she would be able to keep her feelings inside with the way Olivia was looking at her. She did not want to tell the brunette how she felt after everything the other detective had been through, but cocoa eyes were looking at her, warm and inviting, making Amanda want to spill her deepest, darkest secrets.

Stepping further toward the blonde, Olivia uncrossed the other woman's arms and took her hands into her own, "Whatever it is, Manda. You can tell me."

The blonde detective shook her head, "Liv, I really want to be there for you and not burden you with my silly thoughts."

Olivia tilted Amanda's chin up so she could look at her, "You might disagree with me on this, but your thoughts are everything but silly to me. Nor are they unimportant."

"I love you, Olivia," the blonde blurted before blushing and looking to the ground.

The brunette's mouth fell open, brown eyes staring in shock, "You do?"

The blonde detective bit her lip, her eyes still glued to the floor, and nodded, "I do."

As soon as the words had left Amanda's mouth she wanted to unsay them. She waited for the other woman to tell her that she did not feel the same, or even worse, to start laughing. However, neither happened.

Instead, the blonde once again felt two fingers under her chin and her head being tilted up until her eyes met smoldering chocolate orbs. Amanda felt vulnerable with her feelings finally out in the open, her words hanging in the air between the two detectives.

"I love you, too," Olivia whispered and bit her lip, smiling down at the blonde in front of her.

Shaking her head, Amanda tried to distance herself from the other woman yet again, "No, you don't understand. I love you as in 'I'm _in_ love with you'. As in 'I have been irreversibly, unequivocally in love with you since the day we met'."

Olivia cupped both of the blonde detective's cheeks and brought their lips together once more before saying, "I think you're the one who doesn't understand, my sweet. I'm in love with you, too. As in 'I have been completely in love with you for the last one and a half years'."

Tears gathered in Amanda's eyes as she looked at the brunette, wide-eyed, "I… I… What?"

Olivia's smile turned into a grin and she leaned in, yet again, "I think you heard me, my love."

Before their lips could touch, however, the brunette felt the other woman's finger against her lips. "I… I can't," Amanda whispered, prying Olivia's hands form her face and stepping away from her love, instantly hating herself when she saw the pain and confusion in the other woman's eyes, "Look, Liv… I just don't want you to make a rash decision. You are in bad shape, emotionally exhausted, agitated… and I don't mean that in a bad way. I don't want you to rush into this and, quite frankly, I don't want to rush this either. For both our hearts' sake. Besides, you're with Brian."

Looking intently at the blonde detective, Olivia fell a little harder for the beautiful woman, yet again, "Okay, do me a favor, Rollins. Forget Brian! I may be with him, but both our hearts are not in it. We are just hooking up. So this will need one conversation and that's it. Let's take Cassidy out of the equation. What do you think now?"

Amanda closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "I think that I am very much in love with you, but I want to take things slow. I don't wanna jump into anything with you. I think that it is important that our feelings are now out in the open and we can go from there. Start out as friends, get to know each other. Be there for each other, deepen our connection that is obviously there. I want forever, Olivia. Settle down and grow old. Let's just see where life leads us. Does that sound good?"

Smiling, the brunette once again closed the distance between them, "So… I suggest breakfast and a walk around Brooklyn and along the East River afterwards. Talking, eating junk food, sitting on a bench and do some people watching. What do you say, Detective Rollins?"

Amanda's heart jumped a little at seeing the sparkle in the other woman's eyes, "I say that sounds like a terrific plan, Detective Benson."

Walking toward the kitchen, the blonde turned her head toward Olivia, "Eggs and bacon? Coffee?"

A grin spread across the brunette's face, "Yes, yes, and yes!"

With that, Olivia joined her love in the kitchen to get started on breakfast, happy that they had finally found the courage to open up about their feelings. They still had a long way to go, but one step in the right direction had hereby been taken, and they both could not have been happier about that.

xxxx

 **A/N 2: I apologize for my spontaneous Cabenson fangirl moment. They are my OTP, but it was the first and the last Cabenson outburst in the course of this story, I promise. ;)**

 **I just wanted to set the scene a little for future chapters, especially for the next when Rolivia will talk about their feelings in more depth. I hope that's okay. :)**

 **I don't know when the next update will be out, as I am currently writing the last bits of my master thesis. However, I will be finished soon and I will be starting a new job in November, so I will hopefully have some kind of routine by then. :)**

 **Thanks for reading. Reviews are love.**

 **Until next time, my darlings. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Yada, yada, yada...**

 **A/N 1: Thank you all for the amazing feedback. It's really overwhelming. :) This took longer than expected, as my new job is very time consuming. I apologize.**

 **To my guest reviewer Asker… The part of the conversation you are referring to was part of the episode, so it was not mine. However, Fin says at Lewis's trial that he and Amanda found bloody duct-tape in Olivia's apartment. I didn't mention it though, you're right. I hope that clears some things up. :)**

 **This chapter is dedicated to two people.**

 **To my best friend, strawberry0909… the Lois Lane to my Clark Kent… the bird's eye to my chili. Just because I can. (You should read her stories as well. I swear, that woman is crazy talented.)**

 **And to my girl Wiiii86. Thanks for helping me with the writer's block, my beautiful muse. I love you. :***

xxxx

 **Chapter 3**

" _And I'd give up forever to touch you, 'cause I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't wanna go home right now. And all I can taste is this moment. And all I can breathe is your life, 'cause sooner or later it's over. I just don't wanna miss you tonight."_

Amanda was nibbling on the spoon with her chocolate raspberry frozen yogurt, staring at the Manhattan skyline on the other side of the East River, her eyes zeroing in on the Empire State Building. There was a thin cloud cover spreading across the sky, but the strong May sun ever so often broke the clouds above East River State Park and warmed the detective's face. The blonde sat Indian style and Frannie was lying on her back, her head on Amanda's legs and her eyes closed, mouth open and tongue hanging out, her hind legs limply lying in the grass, her front legs bent, while the blonde was rubbing her happy dog's belly.

Feeling a pair of eyes on her, Amanda turned her head and found chocolate orbs looking back at her, a small smile playing at Olivia's lips. Returning the smile, the blonde asked, "What?"

The brunette shook her head, blushing lightly, "You're beautiful, Amanda."

The sincerity in that statement made Amanda's heart leap into her throat, her stomach doing a backflip, and she felt heat creeping up her neck, "And you have to stop being such a charmer."

Scooting closer, Olivia rested her chin on her own shoulder, looking at the blonde teasingly through her eyelashes, "And why is that, Detective Rollins?"

Laughing, Amanda playfully shoved the other woman away from her, "Because it's very hard to resist you when you're being like that."

A huge grin spread across the brunette's face when she lost her balance due to Amanda's friendly shove, dramatically holding her own cup of frozen yogurt up to prevent it from spilling all over her jacket. Puckering her lips, the brunette made kissing sounds, still laughing, before bringing herself back up into an upright position.

Those sounds got Frannie's attention, making her head shoot up and roll onto her belly before getting her frisbee and happily bounding over to the brunette, letting her toy fall into the grass between them.

Seeing her dog so excited with her ears standing up and her tail wagging, Amanda beamed, but could not help but tease her fellow detective, "Did they not teach you at the academy that sometimes you should let sleeping dogs lie, Benson?"

Chuckling at the ambiguous comment, Olivia pushed herself up and took the frisbee with her. Frannie's front legs were on the ground, her rear and her wagging tail up in the air, waiting for the brunette to throw her beloved toy.

Amanda got up and sidled up next to her love as the brunette threw the frisbee, Frannie dashing after it eagerly, catching it mid-air.

"Good girl," the blonde called after her dog, burying her hands in her jeans pockets.

When Frannie came bouncing back to them, holding the frisbee out for Olivia to take, the brunette did just that, throwing it again.

"Frannie is amazing," she said to Amanda, shielding her eyes from the sun with her right hand. "She loves you so much."

Beaming, the blonde agreed, "She really is. She would die for the people she loves and I would always take a bullet for her, too. Dogs love so genuinely, other than some of the human beings roaming Earth. She really helped me through a lot."

Olivia perked up at hearing these words, throwing the frisbee for Frannie, yet again.

As if on cue, Amanda turned toward her, smirking, "That's a story for another day, Benson."

Olivia laughed again, bumping her shoulder against the blonde's, before she started walking, staring across the water just like Amanda had done minutes earlier.

xxxx

They were walking down Kent Avenue and the brunette was lost in her thoughts. She enjoyed spending time with Amanda, getting to know the other detective more and more, learning that she was a completely different person outside of the squad room. She was still a little closed off, but God, was she funny. Olivia felt warm and fuzzy inside every time their eyes met, every time the blonde gave her that tiny smirk, every time she heard the blonde laugh.

Olivia's train of thought came to a screeching halt when Amanda started speaking, "Why so serious, Detective?"

Shaking her head, the brunette felt nervous about her next words, "Uh… I was wondering… would you… uh… would you like to grab dinner? I mean, it's okay if you don't want to. We have spent the whole day together and I completely understand if you want the rest of the evening to yourself. Uuh, maybe it was stupid of me to ask. Just forget that I said anything –"

Feeling a tug on her hand, she was pulled back and spun around into Amanda's arms, the blonde having wrapped her left arm around the other woman's waist, while holding Frannie's leash with her right hand. Olivia's ramble was stopped by the fact that their noses were almost touching and both of their breaths hitched at being so close. "I would love to have dinner with you," Amanda whispered before brushing their noses together, "Let's go grocery shopping and we can cook something."

"O-o-o-kay…" the brunette stuttered out, struggling to not kiss the other detective. With deep, cerulean pools staring straight into her soul, however, it was far from easy to actually abide by their decision to take things slow.

Blue eyes sparkled with mischief and Amanda breathed, "Okay. Let's go. There's a grocery store not far from my apartment. Let me just get Frannie home and we can go together. I don't like leaving her tied to a street lamp outside."

The blonde had barely finished her sentence when Olivia interjected, "Nonsense. I'll cook, meaning that I'll get the groceries while you stay outside with Frannie. That way, we can go to your place right afterwards."

"Nah, we'll go in tog–" Amanda was stopped by the brunette pressing her lips to the corner of her mouth, making a blush tint the blonde's cheeks, once again.

"Don't argue with me, Rollins," Olivia insisted, smirking lightly as she saw how she affected the other woman.

xxxx

Bolognese sauce was simmering in a pot on the stove, spaghetti cooking next to it. Amanda was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping a glass of wine, admiring the brunette detective while she cooked, her eyes roaming freely. Her tan neck was on display because she was wearing her hair up in a loose bun, her toned back muscles moving underneath the white tank she was wearing. Blue eyes wandered down to the luscious curve of the other woman's hips and to a glorious backside, zeroing in, making Amanda bite her lip at the thought of how it would feel in her hands.

Meanwhile, Olivia was stirring the sauce, sipping at her own glass of wine intermittently, feeling the blonde's eyes on her the whole time. She smiled to herself, bending over a little more than necessary to taste the sauce, hearing Amanda's breath hitch, the blonde mumbling a breathy _'Dear Lord!'_. Olivia's smile turned into a huge grin and she thought that Amanda was too easily teased.

Making a show of bringing the tea spoon full of sauce to her mouth, the brunette took her time sniffing before full lips enveloped the spoon, the sauce's rich, spicy aroma unfolding in her mouth and tickling her taste buds.

"Mmmm," Olivia moaned, closing her eyes, and so did Amanda because she thought she just might die. Drawing in a shaky breath, the blonde got up from the chair she was sitting on, sauntering over to the brunette detective, steeling herself to be able to try to play the game equally as well. Coming to a stop behind Olivia, the blonde slithered her arm around the brunette's waist and gently, tentatively pressed her front against the other woman's back. Olivia jumped lightly and Amanda immediately removed her hand and body, cursing herself for her stupidity.

"I'm sorry, Liv. It's me," the blonde whispered, waiting for the brunette detective to relax. Stepping to Olivia's left so the brunette could see her, she breathed, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

The blonde detective was still busy reprimanding herself in her head because after all, she was an SVU detective who just snuck up on a victim of assault, when she felt Olivia's right hand in hers, feeling herself being pulled back against the other woman's body, her arm being wrapped back around gorgeous curves, her mouth in line with a strong shoulder. Turning her head to the left, Olivia purred, "It's okay, Manda. Do you have chili?"

Amanda relished in the feeling of being pressed against the brunette, her lips lightly brushing against tan flesh as she said, "In the cabinet above the stove."

Smiling at the goose bumps that spread across Olivia's skin and the tiny tremors going through her body, the blonde let her thumb draw random patterns on the other woman's abdomen, swaying them lightly to the kitchen radio playing _I Believe I Can Fly_ by R. Kelly, humming along to the melody.

When Amanda saw Olivia take the chili mill from the cabinet, she reached around and held her left hand out to assist the brunette with the task at hand. That motion brought their bodies even closer together, chestnut locks tickling Amanda's nose. Breathing deeply, the blonde suddenly felt the top end of the chili mill in her left hand, so she just held it while Olivia turned the other end to spice up the sauce.

Amanda just kept swaying and humming, thinking about how the song reminded her of _Ice Age: The Meltdown_ and it made her chuckle.

Glancing to her left, Olivia asked, "What's so funny, Rollins?"

The blonde's body shook with laughter now and she tried to compose herself enough to answer the question, "Have you ever seen _Ice Age: The Meltdown_?" When the other woman nodded Amanda continued, "Remember how the opossum, Crash, asks Manny the mammoth to catapult him from the tree?"

The blonde detective had not even finished the sentence when Olivia started giggling uncontrollably, the images in her head being just as funny as in Amanda's. While they were cackling loudly and until they cried, they failed to notice that Olivia was still turning her end of the mill, the number of chili flakes in the sauce increasing with every moment they were being goofy.

Rubbing the moisture from her eyes with her upper arm, Amanda just realized that Olivia had never ceased the movement of her right hand and the blonde lightly tugged at the chili mill, "Fuck! Careful, Liv. That's bird's eye chili."

Whipping her head around, appalled, Olivia shrieked, "Fuck! _Now_ you tell me?"

Putting the spice mill away, Olivia grabbed the spatula and stirred frantically before taking the spoon she used to taste the sauce once again, putting some of it in her mouth. When the sauce touched her taste buds, she felt like her tongue was falling off. With tears gathering in her eyes, she motioned for the fridge and gasped, "Milk! _Milk_!"

Scrambling over to get the milk, Amanda unscrewed the cap and handed it over, watching as Olivia unceremoniously drank it from the bottle before adding some to the pot of Bolognese sauce, wheezing, "Jesus Christ!"

Chuckling, the blonde took the milk back, screwed the cap back on, and put it in the refrigerator. She closed the door, blue eyes never leaving brown when Olivia said, still coughing every now and then, "Why didn't you tell me it was bird's eye?"

Blonde, sculpted eyebrows rose to an equally blonde hairline, challenging, "So this is my fault now?"

Rolling her eyes, the brunette detective sing-songed, "Duh! Is there anyone else in this room who had to remind me of Crash the opossum when I was dealing with the highly sensitive matter of spicing up a meal with chili that just happened to be bird's eye?" Olivia scanned the room, pretending to be looking for someone as if her question had not been rhetorical, before bringing her hand to her mouth, mock shock on her face, "No, there isn't. Whoooopsie!"

The blonde narrowed her eyes at the other woman, playfully glaring at her, "Well, aren't you a smartass, Benson?"

Stalking closer to Amanda, the brunette leaned in, a tiny smirk playing at her lips, "I never said that I wasn't."

The blonde detective snickered, leaning in herself, whispering, "No, I guess you didn't."

xxxx

The two detectives sat down opposite each other on Amanda's blue couch, each a plate of spaghetti in hand, one leg tucked underneath them, and they started eating. When the first forkful of delicious smelling food disappeared in her mouth, the blonde closed her eyes and moaned, making the other woman's core twitch involuntarily.

"This is really good, Liv," Amanda mumbled between bites before digging in once again, twirling the spaghetti around her fork before bringing it back to her mouth.

Smiling sweetly at the other woman, Olivia replied, "I'm glad you like it. Thank God I saved our tongues from being burned off. It's still a little spicy, but I think that it's edible."

The blonde gaped at the brunette, "Edible? This is probably the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. Well, at least when it comes to food," Amanda added with a wink. "I think I might just keep you, Benson."

A facetious grin found its way to Olivia's lips, "I don't think I would mind that, Rollins."

Blue eyes sparkled, "Good. Especially because I didn't even dare to dream about those words leaving your mouth. Like… ever!"

Confusion settled on the brunette's face, "What do you mean?"

Snorting lightly, Amanda finished chewing and swallowed, shaking her head, "Really now? For the last two years, I thought that you were in love with Alexandra Cabot and Brian Cassidy respectively. When I walked in on you and Alex that day in the DA's office it broke my heart. Thinking about it still makes my stomach turn sometimes. I don't play in Cabot's league. Not by a long shot."

Biting her lip, Olivia averted her eyes in shame, but looked right back up into blue pools, "You're right. You don't play in Alex's league."

The blonde's mouth fell open at hearing those words, her stomach dropping and her throat constricting painfully, "Wow, aren't we a charmer…"

"Alex has nothing on you."

Amanda's gaze shot up, eyes darting over the beautiful, tan features of the other woman's face, seeking the truth in her words. There was nothing but sincerity in the brunette detective's eyes, warm pools of chocolate brown staring straight into the blonde's own blue ones.

Having finished eating, Olivia took her plate that was resting on her bent leg and put it on the coffee table before reaching over and cupping Amanda's cheek with her right hand, "Do you hear me? She's got nothing on you, Manda. Don't look so surprised."

Nodding, but struggling to grasp the words that had just been said to her, the blonde detective leaned into the other woman's touch before the brunette retreated, Amanda not missing the slight flinch Olivia gave when she leaned back, "What's wrong, Liv?"

The brunette was too quick to answer, "Nothing."

Rolling her eyes, the blonde huffed, "Yeah, right. And I'm Santa Clause. What is it, Liv? Are you in pain?"

Olivia swallowed, "It's nothing, really. I just forgot to change my bandages."

Amanda switched into cop mode immediately as she asked, "Which ones?"

Averting her eyes, the brunette stared at an undetermined point at the wall, "Theonescoveringtheburnmarks."

The blonde leaned in slightly, straining her ears, "I'm sorry, Liv. Could you say that again?"

Chocolate brown eyes closed tightly and Olivia took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she was about to say, "The ones covering the burn marks."

Amanda's jaw tightened involuntarily at the thought of what Lewis had done to her love, but worry took over in a flash, "Okay, we'll need to change them. Let me get you everything you need from the medicine cabinet and you can join me in the bathroom."

Putting her own plate aside, Amanda stood erect and so did Olivia, making the other woman feel like a dwarf next to the brunette beauty, before the blonde walked towards the bathroom, hearing shuffling footsteps behind her, a signal that Olivia was indeed following her.

When Amanda entered the bathroom and turned to the cabinet, she did not see the other woman. However, just a couple of moments passed before the brunette walked through the minuscule doorway as well, holding an ointment in her uninjured right hand.

Having laid out everything Olivia might need above the sink – iodine, swabs, bandages, and patches – the blonde swallowed, figuring that she had to offer her assistance, "Uuuh… do you need help with these?" she asked, pointing at the medical supplies and then Olivia's left arm, "With your injury and all? I'd be happy to help."

The brunette shook her head immediately, straightening her stance, "I'll be fine, thanks."

Nodding, Amanda turned and squeezed through the tiny space between Olivia and the shower, their eyes meeting, the blonde giving the other woman an encouraging smile that remained unreciprocated.

Closing the door quietly behind her to give the brunette some privacy, Amanda walked back into the living room and took their plates from the coffee table, carrying them into the kitchen where she started loading the dishwasher with them. Taking her time, forcing herself to deliberately put each item slowly inside, she then started washing the pot and the pan. When she had scrubbed the last remains of the sauce away, she set everything down in the drying rack and made her way back into her bedroom to change into sweatpants.

Rummaging through her closet, she thought she heard a tiny sniffle coming from inside her en-suite bathroom. She figured that she was just overly protective over the brunette detective and continued searching for her favorite grey NYPD sweats. When the blonde had found them, she rid herself of her offending jeans, hopping around the room while trying to pull one garment off to step into the other.

When she pulled her sweatpants up the sounds coming from the bathroom sounded suspiciously like sobs. A tiny frown made its way to the blonde's forehead as she walked toward the bathroom door, knocking gently, "Liv?"

A choking sound could be heard as the brunette inside tried to stifle her tears. Amanda knocked again, her voice still gentle, "Olivia? Are you okay?"

As everything stayed silent at the other side of the door once again, the blonde made her intentions known, "Okay… Liv? I'm coming in. If you don't want me to, please say it in the next five seconds. Otherwise I'm going to turn the door handle."

Silently counting to five in her head, Amanda waited for any objections from the brunette, but none came, so the blonde slowly turned the handle. There wasn't any resistance, meaning that Olivia had not locked the door behind her.

Poking her head inside, she saw Olivia standing in front of the bathroom mirror, tear stains on her cheeks, her eyes puffy from crying. When the brunette realized that Amanda was with her in the room, she started wiping her cheeks furiously with her right hand.

The blonde walked slowly, deliberately toward the other woman until she was standing next to her. Looking at the brunette in the mirror, she had to discipline her thoughts because her eyes were glazing over again at the sight of Olivia Benson's beauty, even when she was crying. Amanda breathed, "What's wrong, Liv?"

Opening and closing her mouth a few times, no words coming out, a fresh wave of tears making its way down tan cheeks, the brunette finally choked out, "I can't get my shirt off by myself."

When brown eyes averted in shame and stared at the bathroom sink, tears pouring from chocolate brown eyes mercilessly, Amanda had to press her lips together, so as not to laugh at the other woman, because Olivia looked too cute, like a little girl pouting over not getting her favorite ice cream.

Gentle fingers made their way to Olivia's lower back and started drawing circles. When the brunette had gotten used to her touch, Amanda stepped behind her love once again and wrapped her arms around the other woman from behind, her lips placing a soft kiss to the space in between Olivia's shoulder blades, "It's okay, Liv. Let me help you."

The brunette felt her spine tingle from the touch of Amanda's lips and she just deflated, nodding her consent. Taking everything they needed, Olivia let the other woman guide her back into the living room and sat down on the couch. Following Amanda's every move with her eyes, Olivia watched as the blonde lay out the needed items next to her before locking eyes with the brunette. Amanda carefully kneeled on the sofa and slowly swung her right leg over Olivia's lap so she was straddling her. Hearing the brunette detective suck in a sharp breath, the blonde raised her hands in a calming manner, "It's okay, Baby. I'm not gonna hurt you. It's me. I'm just trying to help."

When Olivia looked up the blonde noticed that mocha eyes had turned a shade darker and the brunette rasped, "It's not that, Amanda."

Smiling softly at that admission, the blonde detective cupped the other woman's cheeks and leaned in to press a soft kiss to her forehead. Pulling back to look the brunette in the eyes, she saw that they were closed, so Amanda whispered, "Open your eyes, Liv."

Olivia did just that, brown orbs meeting blue once again, and the blonde could not suppress a throaty chuckle, "Breathe, Hon. Breathe."

That was when the brunette realized that she had held her breath for what must have been a very long time and she greedily sucked in the oxygen around her, making the other woman snicker, yet again, "Good girl. Should we get started?" Amanda added, brushing a strand of hair out of Olivia's face and tucked it behind her ear. When the brunette nodded, the blonde detective did the same, taking a deep breath, "Okay. I will loosen the sling a little and I will try to pull your shirt off without hurting you too much. Promise me that you will tell me if I do anything to make you feel uncomfortable, okay?"

Swallowing hard, Olivia tightened her jaw and bobbed her head yes, "Okay."

"Okay," the blonde breathed before gently lifting the sling from the other woman's right shoulder and pulled it over her head. She figured that it would be less painful for her love if she pulled the tank top down instead of up, so she did just that, starting with her right arm. She tentatively pulled the white cotton shirt down one arm, feeling the fabric stretch, then the other, trying not to put strain on the Olivia's arm. She wriggled the shirt around a little until her chest and stomach were exposed except for the bra she was wearing.

Amanda had to deepen her breaths in order to not pass out at the sight of tan, bulbous breasts confined by pink lace. Cautiously unsticking the tape and the bandages from Olivia's upper chest, the blonde felt her stomach drop when they came off. Bright red burn marks were marring the brunette's skin, heavily exuding wounds that were waiting for the blonde to tend to. Amanda Rollins had always considered herself a relatively strong and independent woman, but seeing what Lewis had done to the love of her life was just a little too much for her. However, all she did was tighten her jaw and took a cotton pad from the package lying next to her, soaking it with iodine, before lifting her eyes again, "This might sting a little, okay Liv? I'm sorry."

Nodding again, the brunette steeled her expression and waited for the burning pain on her battered skin. When the pad touched her chest, she hissed, tears springing into her eyes at the pain. Trying to find something, anything, to calm her down, brown eyes fixated on Amanda's face and Olivia thought that she was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. Blonde strands of hair had loosened from the bun it was in and fallen forward into her face, blue eyes focused and a plush lower lip bitten by plain white front teeth in concentration.

The brunette did not look away, watching Amanda the whole time. At one point, her teeth let go of her lip and Olivia could see her jaw tighten and loosening, before it tightened again. She could also see that the blonde was furious, trying not to cry at what Lewis had put Olivia through. It made her love the other woman even more. The blonde's fury, however, was kept inside as she gently dabbed the brunette's wounds, applying the antibiotic ointment the doctor had given Olivia with care, as if she was afraid that the brunette would break under her touch.

Applying a generous amount of cream to the wounds, Amanda grabbed the tape and fresh bandages, pulling the packages open before tentatively covering the lacerations with them, taping them to stick to the other woman's chest.

The blonde swallowed, putting the items back on the sofa, and pulled up Olivia's tank top, trying to keep the frat-boy truck driver living in her head at bay, because she had just gotten a long glimpse at Olivia Benson's boobs and she felt disgusted by the thoughts in her own head. Refastening the sling, the blonde climbed off of the brunette detective, hurrying to gather the medical items to put them back in the bathroom and in the trash respectively.

"There, all done," she hastily said, rushing off toward the bathroom and leaving a slightly amused Olivia behind.

xxxx

After washing her hands, Amanda stepped back out into the living room and found Olivia still sitting on the sofa, fiddling with the cast on her arm. Softly, so as not to startle the other woman, the blonde cleared her throat, "What about a movie? What do you say?"

Looking up, smiling broadly, Olivia nodded, "A movie would be amazing," she said, patting the space on the sofa next to her.

Leisurely strolling in the direction of the couch with a smirk, Amanda plopped down next to the brunette, "So… what about _The Walking Dead_?"

Olivia made a face and the blonde already knew the answer, "Well, _The Walking Dead_ is not a movie. Besides, it's way too gory for my taste. I vote for something light to top off our evening."

Placing her chin in her palm, bracing herself on her thigh, Amanda took a minute to go over their options, "Well, we could watch _Love Actually_ or _Just Like Heaven_ on Netflix?"

Turning her head toward the other woman, Olivia replied, " _Just Like Heaven_ would be very nice."

Grinning broadly, the blonde answered, " _Just Like Heaven_ it is, my Lady."

xxxx

They were lying stretched out on the couch, Amanda half on top of Olivia, both women feeling comfortable and safe in the respective other's arms, as they were cackling loudly at Reese Witherspoon lounging on the coffee table, belting out _Tomorrow_.

Frannie was snoozing on her bed, letting out tiny grumbles intermittently, as if to say that the two women should just stop being silly and let her sleep.

The blonde was wiping her tears of laughter away when Olivia's phone rang. Amanda grabbed it from the coffee table, handing it to the brunette, and paused the movie.

"Benson," she said firmly, making Amanda think about how much she loved the way Olivia answered the phone. "Hey Brian."

As soon as the brunette had said her boyfriend's name, she felt Amanda tense up on top of her, her body on high alert once again, the relaxation and laughter they had shared only moments ago forgotten.

"Okay… yeah… sure… let me come over. Your place? Alright. See you in a bit."

The blonde's jaw had started grinding again and she got up from the couch, walking over to the living room window and staring outside.

"Manda," Olivia's soft voice could be heard from the sofa, sounding small and timid. The blonde did not answer, so the brunette tried again, "Manda? Please talk to me."

Spinning around on her heel, Amanda grumbled, "I guess there is nothing to talk about. You should go and see your boyfriend."

The brunette stood up from where she was sitting and walked over to the blonde, trying to get closer, trying to reason with her love, "Manda, I have to talk to him about us. I have to end things with him before we can start."

Olivia walked closer to the blonde, once again wrapping her right arm around a petite, but muscular form, and after an initial struggle, Amanda gave in and melted into the other woman's embrace, "I know, Liv. I'm just worried."

The brunette's forehead creased into a frown and she asked, "Worried about what? Talk to me?"

Shaking her head, the blonde breathed, "I guess I'm still waiting for the proverbial brick to fly at me out of nowhere and hit me in the –"

"WATCH OUT!"

Amanda jumped and whipped her head around, before clutching her heart, Olivia giggling wildly, "Jesus fucking Christ, Benson. Way to give me a flipping heart attack!"

The brunette continued guffawing, tears gathering in mischievous eyes, "I'm sorry. It seemed funny at the time." Pulling the other woman closer once again, she brushed their noses together, "I love you, Amanda. I have to break up with him, but I will come rushing back to you as soon as I'm done. Deal?"

Searching brown eyes, Amanda saw nothing but the truth in them, "Promise?"

Olivia leaned in and kissed the blonde's lips chastely, gently, "I promise you with everything that I am, Baby."

Leaning in further so their foreheads were touching, Amanda whispered, "Okay. I'll be waiting."

xxxx

After Olivia had left, Amanda plopped back down on the couch and Frannie made her way over, joining her mommy. "Hi there, my girl. Do you think she'll be back? I doubt it."

Her dog's big brown eyes were staring up at her from her lap, a wet nose nudging the blonde's hand to get her to cuddle with her dog. She happily did as she was asked, chuckling, "You're so wise, my girl. In case she dumps me before we even have a chance to start things, at least we still have each other."

A few moments later, her phone pinged with a new text message.

 _I'm so sorry our evening was interrupted. I'll be back in no time. You'll see. I promise. I love you. xx_

Amanda leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling, deciding that she maybe could get her hopes up, because Olivia Benson never broke a promise.

xxxx

 **A/N 2: Thanks for reading. For those of you who have never seen** _ **Ice Age: The Meltdown**_ **… Manny the mammoth catapults Crash the opossum from a tree. While Crash is flying through the air he belts out R. Kelly's** _ **I Believe I Can Fly**_ **at the top of his lungs – before crashing into a tree. It's hilarious. :D**

 **The quote in the beginning is taken from the song** _ **Iris**_ **by the Goo Goo Dolls.**

 **I'll try to get the new chapter out before going on a business trip to first Berlin and then Barcelona. I promise. :)**

 **Reviews are love. Until next time, my darlings. :***


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

 **Long ass A/N 1: Thank you for your support, guys. I know I have been seriously MIA, but my master's thesis was due, there were issues, and I had a lot to do at work. Everything was crazy busy, but life has me back now. Thank you SO much. Your feedback and support mean the world to me. :)**

 **So… speaking of the issues I had with my thesis, there are three people in my life whom I would be nothing without.**

 **To my best friend, strawberry0909… thank you for picking me up when I was about to throw my academic career out the window. And for proofreading, of course. Thank you for being my Lois. Love, Clark. :***

 **To my dear friend sheepish123… thank you for proofreading and bearing with me while I was MIA. You are awesome.**

 **And to my beautiful girl Wiiii86. Thank you for proofreading, for being wonderful and caring, for being my girl, for bearing my moods, and for loving me through all of my bullshit. I love you. :***

xxxx

 **Chapter 4**

" _I've always lived like this – keeping a comfortable_ _d_ _istance._ _And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness,_ _b_ _ecause none of it was ever worth the risk_ _._ _Well, you are the only exception."_

Chestnut locks were blowing in the wind coming through the open car window as Olivia crossed Williamsburg Bridge, Paramore's _The Only Exception_ playing on the radio as she drove. The lights of Manhattan were coming closer and the brunette was thankful that the car was an automatic, so she only had to use her right hand to steer through the New York City traffic. She leaned back in her seat, the song reminding her of one blonde detective waiting for her back in Brooklyn.

Over the years, she had spent so much time shoving people away from her that she had almost forgotten what it felt like to let someone in. Amanda had gotten closer to her in the last two days than any other person ever and Olivia was not sure if she could keep this up. She knew that she had to if she ever wanted their relationship to go anywhere; she had to talk about things, even the things that were hard to talk about – _especially_ the things that were hard to talk about.

She had the feeling that this time things would be different though. Even now that she had just left the blonde in her apartment, Olivia could not wait to get back to her; back into her arms, smelling her scent. A faint smile made its way to tan features as the brunette turned right onto Clinton Street, thinking about how safe the blonde detective's arms felt for Olivia. The brunette had just shown up at Amanda's door, unannounced, without any warning whatsoever, and the other woman had enveloped her in an embrace and held her tightly against her, no questions asked. However, knowing that their relationship had started under less than ideal circumstances made Olivia nervous, even though she also knew she did not have to be.

Amanda had made herself very clear that she wanted to go at a slow pace, to see where life took them rather than to jump right into a relationship, and Olivia was thankful for that. Turning left into East 5th Street from Avenue B, she could already see Brian's apartment complex. She pulled up to the curb before putting the car into park and releasing the seat belt. Getting out of the car, she felt a pull in her upper chest from her burn marks rubbing against the bandages, making the brunette flinch and hiss. Swinging her purse over her shoulder, she closed the car door and locked the vehicle before leaning against it. Olivia took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for the conversation she was about to have with her unsuspecting boyfriend and her stomach dropped. Shaking her head clear, the brunette drew in another breath and let it out slowly, turning on her heel and stalking toward Brian's front door.

xxxx

"Hey Babe," Cassidy smiled, stepping aside to let her enter his apartment and leaning in to kiss her. Olivia's eyes widened slightly, one million rants exploding in her head instantly, going on and on about how he could not kiss her. The brunette's synapses were able to process the information rather quickly so she just in time turned her head to the side and his lips only grazed her cheek.

Frowning, Brian pulled back, looking at his girlfriend questioningly. By the look on her face there was something on her mind and he guessed that she wanted to talk this something through right that second. Sitting down on the edge of his bed, she nervously started fiddling with the bedspread, a definite tell that it was something serious, but he asked anyway, "Can I get you something to drink? Water? Red wine?"

There was a strand sticking out from the bedspread and the brunette twirled it around her finger, absently mumbling, "I don't think that alcohol would be such a good idea with the painkillers that I am on."

Rolling his eyes at himself, Cassidy grunted, "Of course. I'm sorry, Babe. Can I maybe take your coat? Get you a glass of water?"

Olivia shook her head, "That won't be necessary, Brian. I'm not staying."

Nodding, Brain made his way over and sat down next to the brunette, "Okay. What's going on here, Liv?"

Olivia sighed deeply, brown eyes looking up to meet Cassidy's own brown ones, "Brian, I…"

He could see it in her eyes that the moment had finally come, "You're breaking up with me."

The brunette's mouth stayed open as she stared at Brian, not believing what she was hearing, "I… I… What?"

Cassidy chuckled, "So you're not breaking up with me?"

Shaking her head again, Olivia stumbled over her own words, "Uuuh, I… yes, I am?"

"Was that a question, Detective? Or an affirmative answer to _my_ question?"

Huffing out a breath, still astounded, the brunette detective breathed, her eyes diverting to the ground, "An affirmative answer to your question."

Pressing his lips together, Cassidy suppressed a smile because he was sure Olivia was not expecting his next words, "And now you're gonna tell me that you've been in love with Rollins for a long time now and that you should have told me sooner."

Olivia's head whipped around, chestnut locks hitting Brian square in the face with force, "What?"

Raising his eyebrows, Brian added, "Am I wrong?"

"Uuuh…," the brunette detective sputtered, not really sure what the hell was wrong with her, "No, you're actually right, Brian. How –"

Winking, Cassidy replied, "I'm not blind, Olivia. Not moving in with me? Cancelling dates? Your drooling over Rollins kinda gave you away, too. And the eye-blazing… I gotta admit, she's hot."

Smiling softly, Olivia answered, "Yes, she's beautiful." Realizing what she had just said, she berated herself in her head over being so insensitive. "Oh, Jeez. I'm sorry, Brian."

Feeling Cassidy's hand on her back and his stubbled chin on her left shoulder, she turned her head and saw him beam at her, "That's okay. Just stop getting all sappy on me, Benson. It might suit you, but I'm not the right guy to get all sappy on."

She tapped his nose, "How is it that you're actually so okay with it?"

His chin still on her shoulder, he smirked, "I want you to be happy, Liv. I love you."

Tears sprang into chocolate brown orbs as Olivia cupped Brian's cheek, "I love you too, Cassidy."

"I know. Now, go and see her. Good luck."

Jumping up, the brunette raced to the door. Her hand was already on the knob when she hesitated, turning around and bounding back over to her now ex-boyfriend, kissing his cheek, breathing, "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Liv," she heard his voice carry after her when she closed the door, making her way back to the car, smiling to herself the whole way back to Brooklyn.

xxxx

Frannie was snoring contentedly, her head still in Amanda's lap, while the blonde was watching a random episode of _Gilmore Girls_. Lorelai just said that once your heart is involved, it all comes out in moron, making Amanda chuckle heartily, the vibrations waking her dog, Frannie opening her eyes and grunting.

Gently scratching her behind the ears, the blonde detective breathed, "I'm sorry, girl. I didn't mean to wake you. Don't you think she's right, though? As soon as the heart gets involved, your synapses stop working and you turn into a blubbering mess."

Big brown eyes were staring at her, a _What the hell are you talking about, hooman?_ look on Frannie's face and Amanda snorted, "Yeah, I thought that you'd agree."

However, no matter how hard the blonde detective tried to push the negative thoughts out of her mind, they kept coming back, the question if Olivia was actually coming back having haunted her ever since the brunette beauty had left her apartment. Gently lifting her dog's head from her lap, Amanda got up and sighed. Subconsciously, she slowly started to wander around in her living room restlessly, gradually picking up her pace until she was pacing, "Jeez, she's been gone for far too long, Frannie May. What am I gonna do? What if she doesn't come back? What if Brian can convince her to stay with him and she decides that she doesn't want an 'us' after all?"

Frannie just watched her pace, her dog's eyes following her every move, but the blonde was so immersed in her internal rant that she did not notice. The loud shrieking of the doorbell brought her back to reality and she sprinted to the door, the intercom's receiver slipping from her hand due to her hectic fumbling.

Scrambling to get it back to her ear, she hastily said, "Hello?"

There was no answer, but instead, she heard a knock at her door. Slamming the receiver back down, she glimpsed through the peephole and could just in time restrain herself from letting out a relieved sob at seeing Olivia Benson at her door once again.

Ripping the door open, brown eyes stared at her, surprised, and the blonde hastily stepped aside to let the other woman enter her apartment. Olivia held a paper bag in her right hand, her purse slung over the same shoulder when she stepped in, and Amanda closed the door to help the other woman out of her coat as soon as she had freed her of the bags. Hanging the brunette's coat on the rack, blue eyes never left brown, a silent question in the blonde's eyes as she stepped toward her love. The brunette just smiled, a sign for the other woman that it was okay, and Amanda wrapped her arms around a gorgeous, curvy waist and pulled Olivia into her, "I was worried about you."

Feeling a gentle hand in her hair, the blonde detective heard the brunette chuckle, "Everything went well, my darling. No need to worry."

Amanda shook her head and took in the other woman's scent by breathing deeply, "Yeah? You were gone for three and a half hours. You left at six and now it's nine-thirty. So I'm allowed to worry that you might have fallen off Williamsburg Bridge or decided to stay with Brian all of the sudden."

Pulling her love back by gently tugging on flaxen locks, Olivia looked deeply into Amanda's eyes, "Never think that. I decided to get cronuts on my way back. That's why it took me so long. I had to find a place where they actually had them at this hour and then there was a line from here to Germany. I wanted to surprise you because I know how much you love them. I'm sorry I scared you."

Tears gathered in cerulean eyes and Amanda whimpered, "I thought I lost you."

Frowning, the brunette had to get a hold of herself to prevent her own tears from falling, "You could never lose me. I just found you."

Everything else the blonde wanted to say was lost on her with those words, her mouth opening and closing a few times, like a fish out of water, before she pulled Olivia back in, "I love you so much, Liv…"

With her heart doing backflips at a hundred miles per hour, the brunette whispered, "I love you too, Manda. Shhh, it's okay."

Padding footsteps could be heard in the distance and a sudden pressure could be felt on Olivia's lower thigh. Still holding the blonde close, she looked down and laughed at Frannie who had placed her head against the brunette's leg, providing comfort to the two crying women. Olivia petted the dog's head gently, making Amanda look down as well, and the blonde felt overwhelmed with emotions, frustrating her equally as much as it elated her, "Jeez, what's wrong with me?"

Biting her lip, Olivia had to suppress a smile, "You know… when you love someone it's okay to cry and show your emotions."

A blonde eyebrow rose, "Oh, yeah? Is that so?"

White front teeth showed because the brunette grinned after all, "Yes, that is so, Rollins. Now let's eat cronuts and finish that movie we started."

xxxx

The two detectives were sitting on Amanda's sofa, munching on their respective cronut and sipping tea the blonde had made, having resumed watching _Just Like Heaven_. A priest was chanting something about the power of Christ compelling someone and they both chuckled, looking at each other at the same time. With the way deep, chocolate brown pools were staring into her own, Amanda felt a flush creeping up her neck, the intensity of the other woman's gaze making butterflies erupt in her belly.

When they had finished eating, both plates back on the coffee table, Olivia loosened the sling around her neck before scooting down so her head was resting against the armrest once again. Watching her every move, Amanda bit her lip and tentatively climbed back on top of the brunette, resuming their former position from before Olivia had to leave. After a while of just watching the movie in silence, the blonde felt tender fingers against the small of her back, drawing random patterns before timidly wandering under the hem of her shirt. Drawing in a shaky breath at the brunette's touch, Amanda closed her eyes, slowly but surely getting to the point of total relaxation, once again. Soft puffs of air hit the top of the blonde's head and she sighed, figuring that eventually, they would have to talk about what happened at Brian's apartment.

Kissing Amanda's head, Olivia asked, "What's wrong, Manda?"

The blonde detective shook her head, swallowing, "It's just… if you want to talk about what happened at Brian's, I'm here for you."

Olivia tightened her hold on the blonde beauty, grateful for her offering, "It went surprisingly well. I expected screaming, things flying through the room, and more screaming, but he was unexpectedly calm and understanding about it."

Pushing herself up on her palms, Amanda looked at the other woman, a blonde eyebrow rising once again skeptically.

The brunette laughed, "I'm serious, Amanda. He knew that I was about to break up with him and he was even aware that I am in love with you. I briefly thought I was dreaming. He was being very mature about it, so very –"

"UnCassidyish?" Amanda ended the sentence for her, her other eyebrow having joined the first one at her hairline.

"Yes, exactly. And now stop talking Harry Potter to me or I will have to kiss you," the brunette grinned cheekily, Amanda matching her smile.

"Oh, yeah? Would that be so awful?" The blonde's tone was challenging, but her eyes still playful.

Swallowing hard, the brunette breathed, "I don't think so…"

Blue eyes darted down to full lips and brown orbs did the same, before locking onto each other, and Amanda slowly leaned down to brush her lips against Olivia's. Their kiss was almost chaste, tentative, and it was only with time that they started to open their mouths a little more, letting their liplock become slightly more intense.

The brunette's fingers danced along the blonde's lower spine and she felt the other woman shudder at her touch, goose bumps erupting under the tips of her fingers. Turning her head lightly to get better access, Olivia let her tongue dart out, slowly tracing the blonde's lips and the other woman met her halfway. They both moaned softly at the first brush of their tongues against each other, Amanda framing the brunette's head with her arms, letting her fingers comb through chestnut locks, ignoring the fact that her mind was screaming at her to stop.

Gently biting Olivia's lower lip and brushing their noses together, the blonde detective resumed their kiss, feeling the older woman squeeze her hip now, lightly digging her fingers into her flesh, another soft moan catching in the back of her throat.

Amanda knew that they had to stop. She was scared that she would send Olivia right into a flashback, but she also had to stop for herself; for her own sanity. Hence, she slowly but determinedly broke the kiss and opened her eyes, watching as the brunette lifted her head to follow her with a frustrated huff, her eyes still closed. Amanda smiled at the other woman's demeanor, happy that she could elicit such a reaction with just a touch of her lips.

Chocolate eyes opened, slightly dilated pupils staring up at the blonde, "Why did you stop?"

Brushing her right thumb along a strong jaw, Amanda tenderly smiled down at the brunette, "Because I had to. For both our sakes."

Confusion made its way to beautiful tan features, a frown building on Olivia's forehead, so Amanda quickly pressed that same thumb to plump lips and sighed before starting to explain, "Look… Liv… I want you. God, do I want you, but moving things forward slowly usually means to keep it PG-13. And it will be very hard for me to actually do that if you keep kissing me like that."

A beaming smile appeared, covering up the confusion, "Oh, so you're saying that you are unable to control yourself, Rollins?" Olivia knew what the other woman was doing, taking the pressure off of her, and she reached up to cup a creamy cheek.

Turning her head the blonde pressed a kiss to the brunette's palm, "Well, for a lack of a better expression, that is exactly how it is." Amanda leaned down, tucking her nose into chestnut tresses and taking a deep breath before whispering, "I always have a hard time controlling myself when I'm around you. You are so stunningly beautiful and Jesus, you always smell so good. How is it that you always smell so good? You are wonderful and every time that I am around you, I'm barely able to keep myself in line and prevent myself from going out of my mind."

With that, she pressed a tiny kiss below the brunette's ear and Olivia shuddered, tiny puffs of air hitting her skin, leaving goose bumps in their wake. Wrapping her right arm around Amanda's petite form, once again, Olivia continued the motions on the small of her love's back, just relishing in the moment, their closeness as the movie continued playing in the background, the two women content in each other's arms.

xxxx

"So… What about _The Walking Dead_ now?" the blonde asked, watching the credits of Just Like Heaven run up and disappear at the top of the screen.

She felt the vibrations of the brunette's chuckle against her cheek, her honeylike voice speaking right after, "You are creepily fond of that flipping TV show there, blondie. I'm sorry, but it gives me the heebie-jeebies. Anything else on your list?"

Pushing herself up, Amanda looked down at the brunette, her eyebrow raised, "Heebie-jeebies, Benson? Really? I mean, who says that?"

Olivia pinched the other woman's waist, "I'm old, didn't you know? There are a good fifteen years between us, my love."

Grinning cheekily, the blonde brushed her nose against Olivia's, "Aaah, yes. That's why. Let me get you a cane then before you become decrepit. Do you remember where you put your teeth?" she continued, mockingly looking around the room as if trying to find them.

Olivia snorted out a laugh, craning her neck and pressing their lips together, once again. "I love you, Manda."

"I love you too, Liv," the blonde breathed, kissing her fellow detective again. "So… How about _The Land Before Time_? As we have now established the fact that you're a dinosaur?"

Even though Amanda got a painful slap to her backside for her teasing, they giggled hysterically until they cried, "Okay, I guess that was a clear no. Hmm, _Orange is the New Black_? I've been dying to see it."

Nodding frantically, Olivia let her head fall back against the armrest, waiting for Amanda to join her again after having changed the series.

The blonde lay her head back down onto Olivia's chest and now the brunette was the one breathing deeply, relishing in the scent of flaxen tresses that were tickling her nose, her right hand stroking Amanda's back languidly up and down, her heart swelling at the thought that the woman in her arms was hers and that, to her amazement, she loved her back.

xxxx

 **A/N 2: My darlings, this chapter took an unexpected turn with Cassidy and ended on a fluffy note. :) The quote in the beginning is taken from the song** _ **The Only Exception**_ **by Paramore.**

 **I will be in Barcelona on a business trip starting this Sunday and I will stay there until the weekend after. I will try to write as much as I can, but it's a big ass conference and Carnival is around the corner here. So I will post chapter 5 as soon as possible. :)**

 **Thank you for reading. Reviews are love.**

 **Until next time, my lovelies.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I still do not own anything.**

 **A/N 1: Thank you so much for your support. It means the world. I know I suck for having left you hanging for so long, but my job is very time-consuming. Also, this chapter is much more angsty and dramatic than I originally intended it to be. I'm not good with angst and drama. I'm much better at writing fluff. :D Anyhoo, that's the reason why it took me a while to get this done.**

 **Special thanks, as always, go to my beautiful woman, who has been putting up with me for almost a year now. I don't know how she has been doing it. ;)**

 **I love you, my gorgeous darling Wiiii86 - now more than ever.**

 **xxxx**

 **Chapter 5**

" _When the rain is blowing in your face and the whole world is on your case, I could offer you a warm embrace to make you feel my love. When the evening shadows and the stars appear and there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years to make you feel my love. I could make you happy, make your dreams come true. Nothing that I wouldn't do. Go to the ends of the Earth for you to make you feel my love."_

A mob of blonde hair was peeking out under green and white sheets, the covers gently rising and falling with each deep, even breath being emitted from Amanda Rollins' nose. Pale lids fluttered as the blonde entered the stage between being awake and being asleep, her nose twitching lightly. Her arms reached into the air, her hands balling into fists as she stretched, letting out a tiny squeak before reaching over to her right to wrap her left arm around Olivia's waist.

However, Amanda's hand came in touch with cold sheets, meaning that Olivia had been gone for a while. Frowning, she opened her eyes to get a glimpse at the clock on her bedside table, red numbers illuminating the room and screaming at her that it was only 4:20 in the morning. Before she could fully succumb to her oncoming panic though, she heard tiny sobs and sniffles coming from her bathroom. Scrambling out of bed, the blonde stumbled and stubbed her toe on the bed, "Ow! Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Cursing, she hobbled to the bathroom door on one leg, trying to ignore the throbbing in her little toe. She pressed her right ear to the birchwood, those sobs becoming more pronounced now, and she turned her head, her forehead now leaning against the door, and she knocked, "Liv? Baby?"

There was no answer, the blonde having a déjà vu from the night before when Olivia had been crying in the bathroom too, desperate over the fact that she could not get her shirt off on her own, "Olivia? Are you okay? Please answer me."

Silence. "Okay, Liv. I'm going to give you five seconds to answer again. Just like last night, remember? If I don't hear anything, I will turn the handle and come in."

Once again counting to five in her head, she continued, "Liv? I'm coming in." Waiting for Olivia's protests that never came, she slowly turned the handle and stopped dead in her tracks at what she saw.

The brunette was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, crying, scissors in hand, a pile of chestnut tresses in the sink, as Olivia cut her hair vigorously. Amanda suppressed her urge to rush to her love's side and rip the scissors from her hand so instead, she tentatively approached her, tears in her eyes at seeing the love of her life like that, "Liv? Baby? Please, put the scissors down."

Olivia kept cutting, the amount of dark hair in the sink increasing with each time the scissors closed, more tears pouring from cocoa orbs. Amanda's heart shattered at seeing her love like this, so she carefully stepped toward the sink, reaching out tentatively, "Liv, can you hear me? Can you give me the scissors, Baby?"

The friction of metal against metal continued to be heard in the bathroom as Olivia tackled another strand of brown locks, Amanda just watching the brunette in her anguish, her heart bleeding at her love's pain. Taking another step toward her fellow detective, the blonde tried again, "Baby… _please_ give me the scissors?"

Carefully approaching Olivia a little further, she asked herself if she could dare to touch the brunette. She decided that there was not any other way, "Okay, Baby. Let's try to put the scissors down together. Okay? I'm going to touch your left shoulder right now. Please tell me if you are okay with that." More silence. "Olivia? Can you hear me?" When there still was no answer, she figured that she had to try. Reaching out, she featherlightly touched the other woman's shoulder with her left hand, but regretted it instantly. The brunette whipped around, the scissors in front of her, grazing the blonde's arm and cutting her in the process, making Amanda hiss in pain as blood dripped to the floor, the red droplets standing in sharp contrast to the white tiles.

That sound brought Olivia back to the present, her glazed over eyes clearing as she stared at the blonde. Clutching her forearm and clenching her jaw, Amanda smiled nonetheless, "Hi."

A loud clinking sound echoed through, cutting through the otherwise silent room as the brunette detective dropped the scissors and covered her mouth in shock about what she had done, her love bleeding from the wound on her forearm, "I'm so sorry, Amanda."

Looking up, still smiling, the blonde detective took a step toward her love, trying to reassure her through her pain, "It's okay, Liv. Nothing happened. All is good, I promise. Nothing a nice, good old patch can't fix."

Amanda had not even finished her sentence when Olivia wordlessly brushed past her, taking long strides through the apartment and when the blonde finally realized what was happening and scrambled after her, the other woman was out the door. Sprinting after her love, Amanda grabbed her keys from the bowl next to the door and ran down the hallway and the three flights of stairs, calling the brunette's name, her bare feet slapping against stone stairs. When the blonde burst through her front door and onto the sidewalk, the only thing she saw was Olivia's rear license plate as the brunette drove away.

xxxx

Olivia drove through the night, her hair once again blowing in the now chilly morning air, her cheeks cold from the wind hitting her face when at the same tears were pouring from her eyes mercilessly, making the brunette shiver. Sobs were escaping her mouth while she just drove aimlessly through New York City. She had made her way back to Manhattan without having noticed, her mind racing and tears blurring her view. She tried to focus on the road that lay before her, but the fog in her mind, the blur and haze of images racing through her head were too overwhelming, preventing her from forming clear thoughts. Blue eyes were gazing at her lovingly, but only until her love's blood was dripping to the floor. Blue eyes changed to brown in a swirling motion, Lewis's cold stare burning holes into her head _Ain't We Got Fun_ mockingly humming in the background.

A loud, long honking sound cut through the morning air, ripping the brunette from her thoughts, bringing her back to the present, and out of reflex she hit the brakes with all that she had. The truck coming from her right side passed her car just inches away, Olivia's hood already being on the intersection. The brunette's heart was racing and here hands were shaking. She tried to take deep breaths, but her throat was constricting when she breathed too deeply. Another honking sound could be heard, from behind her this time, and she tried to shake her head clear from the dizziness, while the other driver maneuvered his vehicle past her, screaming, showing her his middle finger. Olivia faintly heard the word "bitch" fly through her window, but she didn't care. Crossing the intersection, she pulled over the next chance she got, turning off the engine and loosening the seatbelt. Exiting the car, she leaned against the burgundy metal of the vehicle, feeling the warmth of the just turned off engine against her backside.

Olivia took out her phone and pressed the home button briefly to check if she had new messages - three missed calls from Amanda. As her eyes focused on the screen, the plain NYPD logo was staring back at her, the dark background of the phone letting her see her reflection in the display, the cuts and bruises on her face clearly visible to her.

Accessing her iPhone® through finger print, she pressed the green button in the bottom left corner, her favorites popping up immediately. Blue eyes were staring back at her, the name _Amanda Rollins_ ridiculing her from next to the little icon that showed the beautiful blonde's picture. Olivia's finger hovered over the name, on the verge of pressing down, but all her courage left her at the thought what she had done, making a fresh wave of tears gather in her eyes and pour down her cheeks.

Shaking her head to clear her mind, the brunette locked her screen again and tucked the phone back into her pocket. She got back in the car and restarted the engine. Pulling back into the traffic, Olivia turned on the radio to keep the images from coming back, Eve and Gwen Stefani singing about blowing someone's mind while the brunette crossed Columbus Circle onto Broadway, making her way back to the hotel she was staying at.

xxxx

Amanda was pacing, yet again. Holding her own phone to her ear she listened to the four hundredth ring on the other end before she was sent to voicemail for the fifth time that night.

"Aaaargh!" she exclaimed, fighting the urge to throw her phone against the wall while tears of frustration made their way into blue eyes and she pinched the bridge of her nose. Frannie was watching her, just like she always did, brown eyes confused at her mom being so upset. Leaning against the living room window, Amanda braced her right arm holding her phone on the window pane, pressing her forehead against the phone in her hand while watching the street outside.

Her attention turned to Frannie who let out a tiny woof, as if to ask her mommy if she was okay. Rolling her eyes, Amanda whipped her head around and snapped, "What are _you_ looking at?"

Frannie bobbed her head a couple of times, licking her lips and nose nervously, before she lay her head back on her bed with a whine, her tail still wagging tentatively.

Shaking her head, the blonde rushed over to her dog, feeling like shit for having snapped at her. She carefully sat down on her best friend's bed and Frannie immediately made room for her mom, making blue eyes water mercilessly. Amanda let out a desperate sob, resting her head on Frannie's middle, hugging her, stroking every part she could reach, "I'm so sorry, Baby Girl. I'm so sorry."

Her dog snuggled deeper into her, Frannie's head coming closer, a slobbery tongue licking her forehead briefly, before she rested her head against Amanda's in a comforting manner.

xxxx

Turning left onto West 63rd Street, Olivia immediately turned left to enter the Empire Hotel's underground parking garage. When she had first entered the hotel to leave her luggage, she had almost fallen over in shock at how the N.Y.P.D. had gone out of their way to accommodate her. The Empire was not the Ritz, but it was far more luxurious than the brunette had expected it to be.

She pulled into her parking space and put the car into park. After pulling the keys from the ignition, she grabbed her purse and exited the vehicle, locking it behind her before making her way to the elevators that would bring her to the hotel lobby. The garage was dark except for the harsh, artificial neon light illuminating the space. A few of the lamps on Olivia's way were flickering, the sounds of her boots hitting the pavement echoing loudly through the garage. The brunette shivered and picked up the pace of her steps, eager to get out of there and to the elevators, fighting flashbacks of her abduction and Lewis pulling a gun on her in the darkness of her own apartment.

When she arrived at the elevators, she punched the button frantically, hoping that the carriage came faster that way. The doors opened with a soft _ding_ and Olivia stepped inside, pressing the button for the lobby hastily. Wringing her hands nervously, the brunette had to close her eyes at the cold sweat breaking out all over her body, the steely elevator walls seemingly closing in on her, _Ain't We Got Fun_ still stuck in her head. Her ears were ringing and her breathing became labored, even though she tried to focus her mind on something else. When the elevator signaled her arrival, she stumbled into the lobby, the receptionist to her left eyeing her with concern, "Good evening, ma'am. How can I be of assistance?"

"Hi! Detective Benson, room 324. I will just need my keys to get into my room," Olivia replied, fighting a wave of nausea.

The receptionist – the name tag said that her name was Lea – got her key card from the wall behind her and turned back to Olivia, handing it over, her eyes still concerned, "Do you need anything else, ma'am? A glass of water maybe?"

Shaking her head, the brunette plastered a smile to her face, "No, thanks. I will just go up to my room and get some sleep. That should do it."

"Of course, ma'am. If you need anything, do not hesitate to call us," Lea beamed, ever the attentive employee.

Picking up her key from the counter, Olivia nodded, "Thank you."

Turning around, she made her way back over to the elevators. When she was more than halfway there, she heard a familiar voice behind her, "Sheesh! You look like hell just spit you out, Benson."

Whipping her head around in the direction where the southern drawl had come from, brown eyes stared at the woman sitting in a leather chair, black Converse, blue jeans, a white blouse and black leather jacket perfectly fitted, not one raven, curly hair out of place – Abigail Carmichael.

The sudden movement of her head had left her feeling dizzy and Olivia swayed dangerously, but Abbie jumped up and was at her side immediately, "Hey, hey. Easy! Let's get you upstairs, come on."

The brunette did not have the strength to ask any questions, even though plenty of them had exploded in her head the moment she saw her best friend.

 _When did you get here?_

 _Why did you come here?_

 _Who told you that I live here?_

 _Why the fuck didn't I know about this?_

There were many questions waiting to be asked, but Olivia did not have it in her and instead, she let Abbie drag her to the elevators and shove her inside.

Once inside, the attorney pushed the button for the third floor and leaned the detective against the cool surface of the wall. Perching herself against the opposite one, Abbie crossed her arms and watched her best friend. The bruises on her face, her left arm in a brace, but what was the worst were the paleness of her face and the haunted look in her eyes. Someone was after her, a demon haunting her in every waking and non-waking moment, dark rings under brown orbs prominent.

Olivia looked up, one eyebrow raising, "What?"

Shaking her head, Abbie dismissed the question, "Let's just see to it that you get into your room in one piece."

xxxx

The brunette slid the key card into the slot at her door and heard it click, so she turned the handle and the two women stepped inside the room. On the far end there was a queen sized bed, the white sheets freshly washed and pressed, a burgundy duvet topping off the upscale look of the hotel room with its wooden floors and modern bathroom.

Right after Abbie had closed the door, the brunette walked over to the window on the right, dropping her jacket and purse, her arms hugging her midsection as she stared at nothing in particular among the buzz of the big city. The raven-haired attorney sat down in the comfy looking armchair across the room, waiting for her best friend to be ready to ask the questions that she undoubtedly had. Assistant U.S. Attorney Abbie Carmichael knew Detective Olivia Benson like no one else, having been her best friend for almost twenty years. Hence, she just kept watching the detective, waiting for her to open up.

Olivia watched the cars crawl up West 63rd Street, bright headlights cutting through the still misty morning air. The thoughts in her head were going a hundred miles an hour while Abbie's eyes burned holes into the back of her head. Heaving a deep sigh, the brunette finally asked, albeit in the direction of the window, "When did you get here?"

Smiling softly, the attorney rasped, "Two hours ago."

Her arms still crossed, Olivia's right hand clenched and unclenched around her left upper arm and she nodded, "Why did you come here?"

Abbie could sense from her friend's demeanor that she knew what was coming and that this question would be a little trickier to answer, but she pushed through nonetheless, "Amanda called me."

Whipping her head around, the whole rest of her body following right after, the brunette glared at the other woman, her jaw grinding with force, but Abbie stared back at Olivia just as fiercely, unimpressed by her antics, "Why are you so mad about this?"

When the attorney saw tears gather in Olivia's eyes she got up slowly, so as not to startle her, and walked over, "Why, Liv? Talk to me."

She stopped when she was halfway there, waiting for the brunette detective to make the rest of the way over, not asking any more questions to avoid backing her into a corner. Olivia deflected, "Who told you that I lived here? I didn't tell Amanda."

The attorney pressed her lips together, "The Captain. I called him last night after I hung up with Amanda. He told me that you were accomodated here. So I boarded the next flight and booked a room down the hall."

Shaking her head, the detective asked, "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

Abbie chuckled, "Really, Benson? It's flattering how happy you are to see me."

Olivia laughed at the sarcasm in the other woman's voice right before her flood gates opened and she started bawling, sinking into her best friend's embrace. The attorney just held her comfortingly, gently trying to soothe her, "Shhh, it's okay. It's okay, Liv. I promise."

Desperate sobs were leaving Olivia's mouth as she clutched Abbie's leather jacket the tears falling freely down a tan face, "I'm… I'm… I…"

"Shhh, easy. Take deep breaths for me, Liv. Deep breaths. Breathe with me."

Gasping for air, the brunette tried again, "I'm such a mess, Abs. How can she love me?"

Abbie's eyebrows rose in confusion, "Who loves you?"

"A-A-manda."

A huge grin split the attorney's face, "She loves you? So you finally got everything out in the open?"

Olivia sniffled, "Y-Yes."

Looking down to the woman in her arms, Abbie snorted, "Then what's the problem?"

The dark-haired attorney knew that Olivia did not wish to talk about what happened with William Lewis - at least not yet - so she steered the conversation to Amanda, trying to at least get her best friend to see that she was wrong.

"Stop making fun of me," the detective whined

Abbie laughed and kissed the top of Olivia's head, tightening her hold on the other woman lightly, "You know I'm not making fun of you."

"She's been calling me ever since I left, but I can't bring myself to actually pick up the phone. I don't know what's gotten into me… I cut my hair. I don't even know how I got there. I just remember that I was standing in front of her bathroom mirror and I was cutting my hair when she touched me. I cut her with the scissors. I - I -" A strangled sound left Olivia's mouth, "I didn't mean to. I swear. I would never hurt her, but I did. I'm such a mess. I can't be with her as long as I am like this. Such a fucking wreck!"

A vibrating sound could be heard through the silence of the room, the phone in Olivia's pocket ringing, once again. Abbie pushed her friend an arm length away from her, trying to get her to look up, "Liv, don't you want to get that?"

The attorney had not finished the sentence when Olivia shook her head, "I can't."

Frowning, Abbie stared at the other woman blankly, "Are you kidding me, Benson?"

The attorney's unbelieving tone made brown eyes finally look up and meet brown, "What?"

Abbie huffed and raised her eyebrows, challenging Olivia when she said, "You have to give that woman a little more credit. She called me last night when you left for Cassidy's and told me about finding you in the bathroom, crying. She told me everything about what happened to you. Well, she obviously left out the fact that you confessed your feelings to each other because she knows I will break her face if she ever hurts you." Olivia giggled and the attorney's eyes softened, "Liv, you've been suffering for each other and pining for the last two years and now that you finally have each other, you want to do what exactly? Leave her again? You wouldn't survive that and you know it! What happened to you is horrible, yes, and it's going to be hard work to get over the trauma that man caused you. I'm not trying to patronize you here, Liv. It's a fact and you have someone besides me who is willing to walk through the fire with and for you. I will always be here for you, but you and I both know that I am not the one you need. Well, you do need me to kick your ass because you are obviously being stupid right now, but Amanda is the one you really need right now, not me. You need her to be here with you, need her to hold you. She loves you more than anything and I can tell you that she is in it with you. So pick up the fucking phone!"

A fresh wave of tears shook Olivia to the core, "I can't, Abs. I love her too much to hurt her."

Abbie smirked, "Oh, so you are willing to just give up because there is an obstacle in your way? Just like that? I mean, you needed two years to untwist your panties and finally tell each other how you feel and of course the situation is not ideal, but do you really want William Lewis to stand in the way of your happiness? You would hurt Amanda and yourself more by ending things with her before they have even had a chance to start. Don't give Lewis that kind of power over you. I thought you were better than that."

The attorney was aware that she was teetering on the edge of being cruel to her best friend, almost mocking her in her misery, but she knew what she could and could not do with Olivia. She knew how honest she could be with her friend, even though she was hurting. However, she needed to see that Amanda would not break under the pressure that was starting a relationship with the brunette right after she was kidnapped and tortured.

Watching Olivia's reaction closely, Abbie noticed a very faint nod of her head and grinned, "Yes?"

The brunette hugged her best friend again, "Yeah."

Hugging Olivia back, the attorney fished for her own phone in her jeans pocket and unlocked the screen, holding it up to be able to see it over her friend's shoulder. Typing out a message quickly, she relocked the screen and tucked the device back into her pocket, rocking her best friend back and forth gently while she cried.

xxxx

Sobbing into her dog's fur after Olivia had ignored yet another one of her phone calls, she jumped when her phone vibrated in her pocket after all. Scrambling to get a hold of it, she saw her display lit up with a new text message from Abbie,

 _Get your ass over here, Rollins. She needs you. Empire Hotel, room 324._

Jumping up and startling Frannie in the process, Amanda sprinted to the bathroom and in the shower, showering in record time, before blow drying her hair with a fluffy towel wrapped around her body. Putting her running gear on with a hoodie thrown over her head, she frantically ran around to pack her things. She had to be at the precinct that afternoon for the late shift, so she threw a pair of black jeans, a blazer, boots and make-up into a duffel bag, adding deodorant and perfume after putting some on, before stuffing the holster containing her gun in with the rest and shoving her badge into her hoodie pocket. Grabbing a dark blue blouse to wear later, she bolted back into the living room, but came to a screeching halt when she looked at Frannie, "Fuck, now what?"

Her dog just stared at Amanda with her big, brown eyes, wagging her tail expectantly. Grabbing the leash, the duffel bag flung over her right shoulder, the blonde said, "Come on, girl. Let's go and see Olivia."

Frannie bounded over to her mom, patiently waiting for her collar and bandana to be put on her, the leash clicking when Amanda fastened it. The blonde grabbed her keys and turned off the lights before stepping outside and locking up, ready to pull her love back into her arms.

xxxx

Rushing into the hotel lobby she gave the girl behind the reception counter a nod, but the young brunette immediately started protesting, "I'm sorry, ma'am. You cannot possibly bring your dog in here. And I will have to ask you for your room number."

Amanda glared at the poor girl, flashing her badge, "Detective Amanda Rollins for Detective Olivia Benson. This is my K-9. Do you want to keep interfering with a police matter," Blue eyes darted to the woman's name tag, "Lea?"

The girl's silence told her everything she needed to know, "Well, that's what I thought. So now… Room 324. Where can I find it?"

Lea scrambled to the phone, "Let me at least call Miss Benson to tell her that you are coming up."

She dialled the room's number and waited for someone to pick up, "Yes, Detective Benson… oh… Miss Carmichael? Yes, I have Detective Amanda Rollins here for Detective Ben- oh, okay. Yes. Of course… I shall send her up immediately." Hanging up, Lea looked at the blonde, "It's on the third floor, Detective. When you exit the elevator, you just have to take a right and go straight down to the end of the hallway."

Nodding, Amanda grumbled, "Thank you."

She walked over to the elevators, Frannie happily walking with her, seemingly more than ready to see Olivia again as well.

xxxx

The brunette detective was standing at the window, once again, Abbie sitting in the armchair, when there was a knock at the door. Olivia flinched and turned around, the haunted look back in her eyes and Abbie soothed, "It's okay, Liv. It's just Amanda."

"Fuck," the brunette grumbled, covering her face with her right hand, terrified to see the blonde again.

The attorney approached the door and turned the handle, revealing cerulean blue eyes full of worry and concern, making Abbie smile softly, "Hey! She's inside. Come on in."

Amanda cracked a thankful smile back at the attorney and stepped into the room followed by her dog. Releasing Frannie of her leash, Amanda watched her dog bounding over to Olivia right away, happily wagging her tail and saying hello. The brunette detective crouched down to scratch Frannie's head, accepting the kissed that the dog provided.

When Olivia got up again, brown eyes instantly found blue and they stared at each other, all witnessed and carefully observed by Abbie. The attorney decided to interfere one last time before retreating into her own room, "Hey, Liv? I'll leave you two to it. If you need me, I will be right across the hall, okay?"

Olivia nodded and two heartfelt _'Thank you!'_ s followed her out the door, making her smile.

xxxx

As soon as the door closed, there was deafening silence as the two women stared at each other. Amanda let her duffle bag down next to the bed carefully, so as not to startle her love, before hanging her blouse and Frannie's leash on the rack at the door.

When she turned back around to face the other woman, she saw that Olivia was chewing on her bottom lip nervously, unsure and uncomfortable in the situation, so Amanda decided to take the first step, "Liv? Look at me."

The brunette's eyes, however, remained glued to the floor, so the blonde took another step toward her love, "Olivia? Please look at me." She tentatively reached out so the brunette could see her hand before gently taking the other woman's hand into her own.

As soon as Olivia felt Amanda's touch, she broke down, her eyes tearing and sobs ripping from her throat, yet again, as she sunk into the blonde's arms, Amanda holding her tightly as Olivia blubbered, "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry… So sorry…"

Stroking chestnut tresses tenderly, the blonde tried to calm her love down, "Shhh, it's okay, Baby. Everything is fine. I love you."

Those words made Olivia cry even harder, Amanda repeating them over and over again, hoping to convince the other woman and to soothe her, "I love you, Baby. Shh, you're okay."

xxxx

With the brunette having calmed down gradually, desperate sobs now having turned into tiny sniffles, Amanda started to take a look around the room, "Damn, the department got you a nice room here."

Chuckling, Olivia pulled her head back to look at her love, "Yes, it's quite accommodating."

Amanda snorted, "Accommodating? This place is a freaking palace." Walking over to the docking station, the blonde turned around to face the other detective, "May I?"

Olivia shrugged, "Sure."

Amanda docked her phone to the slot and pressed _Play_ , soft guitar music filling the room before Eva Cassidy started singing about lying in her bed, hearing the clock tick.

The brunette looked at her fellow detective shyly, still chewing, but now it was the inside of her cheek, trying to compensate the nervousness she felt with Amanda in the room, "I'm so sorry, Manda."

Cupping both of Olivia's cheeks, the blonde wiped the tears away, "It's okay, Liv. But we will have to talk about this."

The brunette choked, shaking her head, "You should leave, Amanda. I'm not good for you. I don't know how this is supposed to work."

Huffing, the blonde shot back, "Well, how about no?"

"But I _hurt_ you!"

Stepping toward Olivia, yet again, Amanda was adamant, "Not _intentionally_ , Olivia. You were caught in a flashback and I made the mistake to touch you, regardless of the fact that you did not react to my initial attempts of getting your attention."

The brunette did not seem to be listening, "I hurt you. You shouldn't be here. You should be as far away from me as possible."

Grinding her jaw, Amanda tried to remain patient. Stroking the other woman's cheeks softly with her thumbs, she whispered, "What on Earth is it gonna take for you to realize that I'm not going anywhere, woman? You can send me away as many times as you wish to try, but I'm not going anywhere. It's as simple as that. I'm in this with you. I've been waiting for you for two years. Now that I have you, I won't ever let you go again. You need to see that. You're stuck with me, Benson. Just as I am stuck with you. As you said last night, you could never lose me. I just found you. I love you, Olivia. Nothing is going to change that. Ever!"

With that, the blonde leaned in and kissed Olivia, gently but intensely, her mouth open and her tongue tentatively slipping inside, making the brunette moan throatily. Pulling back, Amanda breathed, "I love you so much. I will forever be by your side if you let me. Please let me."

Olivia wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck and hugged her, clawing her hoodie at the back and holding her tightly, as if she was afraid that the other woman would slip away if she loosened her grip.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, the blonde detective mumbled, "What's your opinion on getting a few more hours of sleep, Baby?"

Olivia chuckled, "Sleep sounds great. At least you have to sleep. You have to be back at work this afternoon. You will need it."

Slithering her arms around the brunette's waist, Amanda pulled her love close, "You need to sleep, too. Come on, let's go. Where is your sleepwear?"

Pointing over to the closet, Olivia started to walk over, but the blonde stopped her, "I'll get it." Amanda stepped over to where Olivia had pointed to, opening the door to the tiny space the closet provided, finding her love's pyjama pants instantly. Grabbing them, she made her way over to the brunette, wrapping her left arm around a curvy waist and walking both of them back to the bed. Dropping the pants to the duvet, Amanda looked deeply into chocolate brown pools, "Shall we get ready?"

Olivia nodded and so did the blonde before tentatively lifting the sling over a brunette head. Pale fingers pulled down the zipper of Olivia's hoodie jacket and she freed her love's arm from the sleeves, trying not to hurt the brunette too much. When she came face to face with Olivia again, their noses were almost touching, making both women swallow hard, "Do you need new bandages?" the blonde rasped out and hastily cleared her throat.

The brunette shook her head, "Abbie took care of it."

Their eyes locked, chocolate brown onto cerulean blue, and Amanda brushed her love's nose with hers before carefully opening Olivia's belt, the clinking sound being heard in the silence of the room. Just as slowly, the blonde moved from the belt to the buttons of a dark pair of jeans, unbuttoning them one by one, "Is this okay?"

Swallowing around the lump in her throat at Amanda's tenderness, the brunette detective nodded once again, unable to form words. Smiling, the other woman whispered, "Okay. I'm going to remove your pants now, Baby. Please tell me if I'm doing anything to make you feel uncomfortable."

"O-Okay."

Kneeling before her love, Amanda tugged lightly at the sides of the jeans, her eyes never leaving Olivia's. Pulling the denim down long, toned legs, she let Olivia step out.

The brunette detective on the other hand, was struggling not to cry. She was fighting the tears that were threatening to spill down her cheeks as Amanda grabbed the red and white checkered pajama pants, holding them out for Olivia to step in.

Watching the different shades of blue swirl in the blonde's eyes, Olivia stepped in, this time the brunette being the one cupping the blonde's cheeks with both hands, pressing a slow and gentle kiss to her lips. There was nothing sexual about the situation, just one person helping the other so they do not get hurt because of their injuries.

Pulling the pajama pants up, Amanda stood erect in the process, their eyes still on each other. The blonde's arms went around the brunette's waist, once again, pulling her in so their bodies touched in a tight hug. Amanda took a deep breath as did Olivia, the two women just taking in each other's redolence, before Amanda whispered, "I'm going to open your bra, okay, Baby?"

She felt the brunette's head on her right shoulder, nodding, the blonde stroking languidly up and down the other woman's back before settling on her bra clasp and unfastening it. Lifting her head, Olivia let Amanda move up the straps of the tank top she was wearing, her hands sliding underneath one side at a time and pulling her bra straps down tan arms.

When the task was finished, the blonde instantly turned her back to the other woman to give her privacy but also to hide the light blush that tinted her cheeks, letting her pull the confinement from under her tank top herself, making Olivia smile brightly. When she was done and the bra completed the pile of clothes on the armchair, the brunette chuckled, "I'm done, Manda. You can turn back around."

xxxx

The two women were lying on the bed facing each other, Amanda's left arm serving as a pillow for Olivia's head while her right arm held the brunette loosely around the waist under the covers, drawing random patterns on her back, their eyes locked, neither of them saying a word.

The docking station was still playing in the background, Adele now singing about rain blowing in someone's face. The blonde started humming to Olivia, whose eyes were drooping gradually.

 _When the evening shadows and the stars appear and there is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years to make you feel my love._

Amanda's hand came up to brush strands of hair out of a tan face before settling back around the curve of the other woman's waist,

 _I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue. I'd go crawling down the avenue. No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do to make you feel my love._

Olivia started breathing evenly, her chest rising and falling in a steady motion, but Amanda kept humming to be sure the brunette was asleep,

 _The storms are raging on the rolling sea and on the highway of regret. Though winds of change are throwing wild and free you ain't seen nothing like me yet. I could make you happy, make your dreams come true. Nothing that I wouldn't do. Go to the ends of the Earth for you to make you feel my love._

Tiny snores were leaving full lips now, making Amanda grin and she let herself succumb to slumber as well, snuggling closer into her love in the process.

xxxx

It was 12 p.m. when the blonde's alarm went off, lightly startling the brunette from sleep. Amanda, however, had changed her alarm from _Ain't We Got Fun_ to soft piano music, so it was not as bad as the last time the blonde detective's alarm had woken them. The blonde started stirring as well, brown eyes watching her as she left sleep, and it had Olivia thinking that the other woman was the most beautiful creature she had ever seen in her entire life.

Blue eyes opened when she felt Olivia stare, smiling softly at the brunette in both their drowsy states, "Hey!"

"Hi."

Reaching over to the bedside table, Amanda grabbed her phone to turn off her alarm, peeking at the clock, this action making her groan, "Shit, I have to get up and get ready."

With her eyes darting across the blonde's face, Olivia giggled, "I know. You should go."

Rolling her eyes, Amanda snorted, "Wow, way to express your affection." Her words, however, were accompanied by a huge grin as she leaned over and softly pecked the brunette detective's lips.

xxxx

When a blonde mob of hair peeked out of the bathroom, the rest of a lean body following right after, Olivia could not help herself but stare. Amanda's make-up was flawless, black, fitted jeans hugging every single curve perfectly, her royal blue blouse neatly tucked into her pants. A cloud of perfume hit Olivia's nostrils and she closed her eyes, letting the familiar scent wash over her, the ever present ball of anxiety in her chest feeling a little less heavy.

Walking over to the bed, Amanda clipped her badge to the right frontside of her duty belt, clipping the holster holding her gun right next to it before sitting down on the edge of the mattress, her left hand next to the brunette's waist in the middle of the bed, "I will leave you the keys to my apartment. If you want, I will leave Frannie to keep you company as well."

The brunette nodded in response to both suggestions, "Sounds amazing."

"If you don't want it, I will take my keys with me and Frannie as well."

The brunette immediately started shaking her head, "No, that would be amazing. Thanks, Manda."

The blonde smiled, slowly leaning down to kiss the other woman chastely, "You're welcome, Baby. I have to go. You call me if you need anything, okay?"

Bobbing her head, once again, Olivia breathed, "Okay."

Tucking a chestnut strand of hair behind her fellow detective's ear, Amanda asked, "Do you have plans today?"

"Going to the hairdresser."

That unexpected and dry comment made both women giggle wildly until they broke out into loud cackles, laughing until they cried.

Amanda wheezed, "I meant tonight."

Wiping away her tears, the brunette replied, "Seeing you at your place. I'll cook. Again."

The blonde beamed, "Okay. See you there. I can't wait. I'll be thinking of you all day."

Olivia's right hand came up to pull the other woman close, breathing, "I love you."

Leaning down, Amanda connected their lips in a last whisper of a kiss before they parted, "I love you too, Baby. UGH, but now I really have to go."

Olivia snickered, "I know. Go!"

Getting up from the bed, Amanda walked to the door, throwing another slightly flirtatious look over her shoulder, winking at the brunette, before throwing her blazer on and breezing out the door.

The brunette watched the door close, Frannie immediately walking over and joining her on the bed, two pairs of brown eyes staring lovingly into each other. Olivia closed her eyes, images of her love instantly popping up in her head, making her think about how lucky she was to be loved by such an amazing creature.

xxxx

 **A/N 2: Thank you very much for reading. I have the next chapter all played out in my head, but it's going to be busy at work again with business trips and conferences to and in Beijing, Berlin, Odessa, Tel Aviv, and New York - all in the next two months… I will do my best, I promise.**

 **The quote in the beginning is obviously taken from the song** _ **Make You Feel My Love**_ **by Adele. :D**

 **Reviews are love. Until next time, my lovelies. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Yada, yada, yada… Tell me something I don't know.**

 **A/N 1: I know! I suck! Again, tell me something I don't know. :P However, I decided to post this chapter even though I don't think that it's perfect, because I think you guys waited too long. :)**

 **But wow, I'm still overwhelmed by the positive response this story has been getting and I can't thank you enough. I'm just a girl whose first language is not even English… and having been welcomed so warmly to this ship is still awe-inspiring to me. Thank you, guys! It means so much to me!**

 **There are hints to Criminal Minds in here. I like the thought of Abbie working with the BAU every now and then. ;)**

 **This chapter is just a little filler for you guys. A little drama and a little fun. After this, I will move on with their story and the real drama will begin. *** **dun, dun, DUN*** **:D**

 **Last but not least, I don't have any idea if Amanda actually got her degree at UNG. This is completely made up, but there actually is a degree in Forensic Science there. I googled that much. ;)**

 **Enjoy the show!**

 **xxxx**

 **Chapter 6**

" _Like the sound of silence calling I hear your voice and suddenly I'm falling. Lost in a dream, like the echoes of our souls are meeting, you say those words. My heart stops beating, I wonder what it means. What could it be that comes over me? At times I can't move, at times I can hardly breathe. When you say you love me the world goes still, so still inside. When you say you love me, for a moment, there's no one else alive."_

It had been six days since she had seen Amanda. 144 hours that Olivia had missed the blonde detective and since she had watched her walk out the hotel room door. That same evening, her phone had beeped with a text message, two hours before Amanda was supposed to get off work,

" _Baby, we caught a case. I won't make it for dinner. I'm very sorry. Call me anytime. If you want Abbie to check in on you every now and then, the spare keys are in the bowl next to the front door. Feel free to give them to her. I love you lots, Baby. Call you as soon as I can."_

The brunette was a mess. Neither had she slept properly, the dark circles under her eyes prominent, nor had she eaten in the first two days of her solitude. Instead, she had woken up in the middle of the night, her body covered in cold sweat, her chest heaving furiously, a haunted look in her eyes, images of William Lewis shooting Amanda even following her into her waking state. Following the first two days of blank horror, she had called Abbie, sobbing into her cell phone and asking if she could come to Brooklyn. Abbie did, sitting on Amanda's couch now, going through case files, checking in with work in Washington intermittently, playing with Olivia's hair while the brunette had her head in her best friend's lap. The brunette detective had fallen asleep not long after Abbie had arrived, the soothing feeling of the other woman's hand against her scalp having lulled her to sleep rather quickly and the attorney had texted Amanda that she was there to take care of Olivia, before immersing herself in her case files.

Abbie adjusted the black-framed glasses on her nose, chuckling to herself because she had always made fun of Alex Cabot for hers, and now here she was, squinting like a blindworm herself. She was just reading about a girl who was found dead in D.C. with her lips cut off, cringing in the process, when her phone started vibrating. Checking if Olivia was still asleep, she figured it wouldn't make a difference if she stood up from the sofa or just picked up the phone while sitting; the chances that the brunette would wake up from the commotion were the same. Hence, the attorney took her phone, smiling at the name that had popped up on the screen, and pressed the green button, "Carmichael."

"Isn't it funny?" came a chipper voice from the other end of the line.

"Isn't what funny?" Abbie countered cheekily, feeling Olivia start to stir.

"There you are, probably sitting in your office chair, thinking about me, and here I am, calling you in exactly that moment. Call me psychic."

Abbie laughed, deciding to tease her friend a little, "I'm sorry, who am I talking to?"

A melodramatic sigh could be heard and the attorney grinned widely, picturing the blonde on the other end clutching her heart in mock shock, "Ouch! Why would you hurt me like this, Carmichael?"

"Oh, stop being such a drama queen, Garcia!" Abbie mocked, making them both laugh, once again.

"So, how did the Oracle of Quantico do regarding your whereabouts? The team beseeched the Queen of All Knowledge to get you to join us for drinks tonight."

The attorney looked down and saw another pair of brown eyes staring back into her own, a perfectly sculpted eyebrow arched in question. Abbie grinned, answering Penelope on the other end of the line, "Oh, my fairest Queen of All Knowledge, it saddens me all too much to be the bearer of bad news. I will not be able to join your gathering tonight, your majesty. I shall be there in spirit, for I am in New York City, far away from my homeland."

Penelope gasped, "You went to New York City without me? It doesn't get any better here. My heart breaks a little bit more each time you open that mouth of yours."

Resuming the movement of her hand against Olivia's scalp, she watched as the brunette's lids fluttered closed, once again, her breathing starting to even out. Abbie smiled, happy that her best friend was able to relax around her, even though the attorney knew that she was only the brunette's second choice when it came to company in that moment.

She heard a commotion on the other end of the line and a deep, raspy voice asked Garcia if Abbie was joining them for drinks and the blonde answered, "I'm afraid not, my favorite hot chocolate." Then she added in a stage whisper, "She went to New York City without us!"

"Damn," the muscular agent whispered. There was rustling and Derek's soothing voice could be heard much more clearly now, talking to Abbie, "Abs, is she okay? I saw it on the news."

She heard Garcia choke, "Is who okay? Saw what on the news? Derek?"

Abbie smiled softly at their friends' concern, "She survived, guys. It's gonna be a tough and long road, but she will get through this. I'm sure of that."

"Thank God. Do you need us there? I heard that bastard has been on a spree all throughout the States. Maybe we can help," Derek urged, Abbie seeing the picture of Derek before her, pacing Garcia's office like a caged tiger.

The raven-haired attorney's heart swelled with affection for Derek Morgan in that moment, because behind all that swag and attitude he let some people see his big heart full of concern for his friends. "You don't call them, they call you, Morgan. Remember? And Lewis is already in custody. Olivia beat him into a pulp when he broke free of his restraints."

"That's my girl," Morgan gruffly answered and added, "Would you say hi to her from us? We all send our best and hope she feels better soon."

"I'll definitely do that, Morgan. Thank you," Abbie smiled, preparing to say goodbye and hang up the phone.

Penelope, however, had other plans, "Give me the phone, chocolate thunder."

The attorney snorted as she imagined the blonde wiggling her fingers overdramatically in her boyfriend's direction. Another round of shuffling was heard and Garcia chirped, "I expect a full explanation whenever you have the time. Just call me. Also, let me know if you need anything, Abs. Promise me! I know how you hate asking people for help, but I'm here."

"I appreciate it, Pen. Now you go, have drinks, and see to it that Jareau and Prentiss finally untwist their panties and ride off into the sunset to embrace their happily ever after."

Garcia laughed heartily, "I will do my best. Queen of Quantico out."

"Bye, Pen," Abbie grinned before hanging up the phone. The attorney briefly felt Olivia's head jerk and she started playing with chestnut locks again, soothing her friend with a gentle voice, "Shhh, it's okay, Liv. It's okay…"

The brunette relaxed and Abbie watched how the deep crease on her friend's forehead disappeared gradually, her ragged breathing evening, once again. "That's it, Liv. Relax. Amanda will be back soon. You're okay."

xxxx

An extremely tired Amanda Rollins dragged herself up the stairs to her apartment, her head throbbing, her nose crinkling at the thought that she had spent the last six days at the precinct and had only been able to shower twice.

Fumbling with her keys, she ascended the last flight of stairs and stumbled to her door, exhausted, ready to take a shower and cuddle up on the couch with Olivia. She turned the key in the lock, pushing the door open cautiously, just stopping shy of the point where she knew it would squeak, and slipped inside. The smell of delicious food had already hit her while approaching her door, but she sent a silent _thank you_ to whomever was listening when she realized that this divine odor was coming from her own apartment; she was starving.

Gently placing her keys in the bowl next to the door, she smiled at what she saw in her kitchen. Abbie Carmichael was wearing grey NYPD sweatpants with pink, fluffy socks on her feet, a black tank top, her curly, raven hair up in a messy bun, glasses on her nose, while she was stirring something in the pan, softly humming and slightly swaying her hips to the music only she could hear in her head.

The blonde detective grinned widely while she watched, hanging her coat on the rack and leaning against the opposite wall, silently watching the scene that was unfolding before her, amused by the fact that the song Abbie was humming sounded suspiciously like the _Darkwing Duck_ theme song. From the melody Amanda guessed that they were approaching the second chorus and prepared herself for the show, Abbie taking a step back, swinging her hips from left to right, the spatula moving in the same directions respectively, "Three, two one!" The attorney's left arm hurled in a circle in front of her when she belted out, "Daaaarkwing Duck! When there's trouble you call DW! Daaarkwing Duuuck!" Placing her left hand on a slim hip, Abbie whirled the spatula and pointed it in front of her, tiny droplets of sauce splashing onto the counter, while the attorney looked over her glasses, a serious expression on her face, her voice a few octaves lower now, "Let's get daaaangerous!" Her higher pitch kicked in again, "Darkwing Duck! Darkwing, Darkwing DUCK!"

With that, the attorney whirled around and came face to face with a blonde detective, jumped, startled, and dropped the spatula, Amanda's shoulders shaking with silent laughter. Clutching her heart, Abbie wheezed, "Jesus, Rollins! Are you trying to kill me?"

Fighting back her tears of laughter, Amanda had trouble breathing, "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt the show, Ms. Pescetto with Pink Fluffy Socks. You look really badass."

Abbie stuck her tongue out, chuckling lightly, but keeping her voice low, "Fuck you, Rollins. If you don't stop teasing me, you won't get dinner. And if I were you, I wouldn't risk that, because I made Penne ai Frutti di Mare," she sniggered in her thickest Italian accent.

The blonde detective made a show of zipping her lips and throwing away the key and the attorney nodded, "Good girl. Now go shower so we can eat."

Amanda's right eyebrow rose, "Are you saying that I stink?"

Mirroring the blonde's actions, challenging, the attorney shot back, "I am. Shooo!"

With that, the blonde felt herself ushered toward the living room, but stopped dead in her tracks when her eyes locked onto the sleeping form on her sofa, her heart melting and her lips curling up in a soft smile. Olivia was lying there, on her right side, her right hand tucked under her head, her chest gently rising and falling.

Amanda felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, jumping lightly at the unexpected touch, and Abbie apologized immediately, pulling her hand back, "I'm sorry. She's had it rough in the past week. She barely slept, but she is doing a lot better now and I'm sure she will do great once she knows you are back. I know I was her second choice all along, but I did what I could. She's going to get through this."

The blonde detective's lower lip quivered with impending tears, sickened by the fact that her girl had been hurting while she had to work that horrific case, but tried to pull herself together.

Walking over to the sofa, she crouched down, gently brushing a strand of chestnut curls away from beautiful features as she stared at Olivia, her heart fluttering at the thought that she had just come home to the brunette from work. Leaning over, she featherlightly pressed her lips to her love's forehead, whispering, "I'm home, Baby. I missed you."

A deep, contented sigh was being emitted by the brunette, her nose crinkling lightly when she breathed, "Manda…"

Smiling down at the other woman, Amanda started playing with dark curls, lightly pressing another kiss to her forehead, "Yes, Baby. I'm here. You're okay."

Watching the scene unfold before her, Abbie felt her eyes sting with tears, lightly sniffling, but she shook her head and wiped her eyes furiously, "God, stop that disgusting display of affection and get in the shower, Rollins… will ya?"

Amanda got up and turned around, a little embarrassed because she had forgotten that the attorney was even there. With her head down, she slipped into her bedroom to wash away the dirty feeling that seemed to have stuck to her the whole week.

xxxx

Brown eyes lazily blinked awake, Olivia feeling the heaviness of her lids slowly fade away, the soft clinking of plates and cutlery lulling her back to reality. When her eyes opened her surroundings were blurry, gradually becoming clearer, and she saw Abbie setting everything down on the kitchen island, getting it ready for food to be eaten. Which meal she did not know; she had lost track of time, having drifted in and out of sleep throughout the day. Carefully sitting up, she waited for the dizziness caused by her concussion to fade, and she pulled her knees up to her chest, watching how her best friend set the cutlery next to the plates, softly humming to herself. When the brunette recognized the song, she raised an eyebrow and chuckled, "Darkwing Duck, Carmichael? Really?"

Abbie visibly jumped five feet into the air at hearing her voice after so long and spun around, "Jesus Effin' Christ, Benson! Is everyone trying to kill me today by sneaking up on me?"

Olivia laughed, "Why? Who else snuck up on you in an empty apartment, where there's just you and me inside? A ghost?"

Waving her hand around, the raven-haired attorney grinned, "Try more like your girlfriend."

Perking up eagerly, the brunette's face lit up, "Amanda's home?" When she realized what she was doing, she immediately shook her head, "She's not my girlfriend."

Abbie snorted, disbelievingly, "Are you serious, Olivia?"

Fiddling with the blue fabric of Amanda's couch nervously, Olivia stuttered, "We… uuuh… we haven't talked about things like that. We are taking it slow."

Her best friend, however, kept staring at the brunette over the rim of her glasses, boring holes into her with her eyes, "Liv, you're way past the friend stage. I understand that both of you are being careful, but come on! You two love each other so much your teeth hurt. The way she was fawning over you when she came home only being one of the hints you two gave me over the past week."

Chewing her lip, Olivia's gaze drifted off to the bedroom door, trying not to imagine that somewhere behind that door, Amanda was standing under the shower spray, naked. The brunette shook her head, forcing the inappropriate images out of her head.

"Uh-oh! Someone's having nasty thooouuughts!" Abbie sing-songed, waggling her eyebrows. The brunette's eyes snapped up to her best friend's, a furious blush creeping up her neck and up to her cheeks, making the attorney chuckle, "Promise me that you'll talk to her the soonest, Liv. You belong together."

Olivia nodded almost imperceptibly, tucking her legs into each other to sit on the sofa Indian style, staring into space, a soft smile on her lips thinking about Amanda, Abbie rolling her eyes and shaking her head, her grin still on her face, as she finished setting the table.

xxxx

After having dried off, Amanda threw on her favorite grey baggy sweatpants and a white tank top along with her blue University of North Georgia sweat jacket. She towel-dried her hair and started combing it, flinching lightly when its bristles tangled in a few persistent knots, and let her blonde, damp locks loosely fall around her shoulders. Taking another look at herself in the bathroom mirror, she returned to her bedroom, making sure everything was in order, before opening the door to the living area.

At the sound of the door opening, the blonde saw Olivia jump lightly, instantly feeling bad for having startled the brunette. She smiled, "I'm sorry."

Olivia's jaw ground briefly and Amanda immediately knew that she had said something wrong, but did not want to get into this matter more deeply in Abbie's presence. Shaking her head, Olivia stood up and walked over to her love, wrapping her uninjured arm around her fellow detective's waist, a brunette head leaning down to rest on Amanda's shoulder. The blonde's hands automatically went around the other woman's neck, her fingers softly playing with chocolate curls.

Breathing in deeply, the brunette took in the scent of Amanda's mango hair milk and shampoo, letting the familiarity of their embrace wash away the anxiety she had been feeling in the past week. She was aware that the uneasy feeling would not go away entirely anytime soon, but she was determined to not let it get in the way of her life any more than it inevitably would to a certain degree.

When they pulled away slightly and brown orbs met blue, both women leaned in and brushed their lips together in a chaste, gentle kiss, eyes fluttering closed for a brief moment before Abbie's light cough broke them apart, a reminder that they were not alone in the blonde's apartment.

Scratching her head lightly, Olivia blushed and let the blonde detective go, both women making their way over to the kitchen island in order to eat with a mischievously grinning attorney, Olivia grabbing a napkin from her plate and throwing it at her best friend in revenge, which only made Abbie laugh harder and the two detectives joined in.

xxxx

The dishes were done, drying on the rack next to the sink and the apartment door slowly closed before clicking shut completely as Abbie left when Amanda once again approached Olivia and reached out with both hands, waiting for the brunette to meet her halfway to let her know that it was okay to touch her. Olivia did, stepping into the blonde's personal space as they hugged once again, taking in each other's scent, relishing in the feeling of finally being alone together.

Grabbing Amanda's hand wordlessly when they parted, Olivia led her love into the living area and to the couch, both women stretching out and cuddling into the respective other, the brunette half on top of Amanda, a position that they had made their own ever since Olivia had stood at the blonde's doorway at three o'clock in the morning. Watching the steady thump of the vein in the other woman's neck intently, the brunette almost imperceptibly leaned forward and pressed her lips there lightly, making Amanda's eyes flutter and the blonde swallow hard.

Despite the warm, fuzzy feeling that settled in Amanda's belly caused by the other woman's lips on her skin, threatening to turn her into a big puddle of mush, she steeled herself, determined to try and get to the bottom of Olivia's behavior earlier that evening. Playing with the hem of the other woman's shirt, the blonde pressed her lips to a tan forehead, "Hey Liv?"

The brunette could not help herself and pressed another kiss to her girl's pulse point, listening to the blonde's breathing stumble lightly, and she smiled, humming softly as a sign that she was listening. "When I came out of the bedroom and apologized for startling you, I could see that you didn't like it. Why were you mad at me?"

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, the brunette tried to fight back the tears; she felt terrible for what happened, but she also understood that this was something that they had to get out of the way, "I wasn't mad at you, Manda. I promise I wasn't. I would just kindly ask you to not treat me like I'm broken and to constantly ask me or yourself if I'm okay. Of course I'm not okay, but this is something that will get better with time. I have an evaluation with Dr. Lindstrom tomorrow and will work on getting better, but please, Manda… I'm not broken."

The blonde stroked along the other woman's spine and settled her hand on a brunette head, lightly massaging the taller woman's scalp, making her sigh deeply, "I promise you that I will try, okay? That's all I can commit to. I'm sure Dr. Lindstrom will help you greatly and I am aware that you are not broken. You are the strongest and most amazing woman I have ever met in my entire life and I am one hundred percent certain that you will get through this; and I will be here along the way. I will always be here if you need me. I love you, my beautiful girl. And I'm not going anywhere. I will try, I promise. Okay?"

Pushing herself up lightly with her right arm Olivia looked down at Amanda, cerulean blue orbs lovingly gazing back into her own brown ones, "I love you too, Manda."

Both women's lips curled up into a smile and they simultaneously leaned in, their lips brushing featherlightly before they pulled back again, their noses brushing, and Olivia's head rested back onto a lithe yet strong shoulder, "So… what was our case about?"

Images of young, dead girls tied up and hanging from the ceiling invaded her head, the scavenger hunt their perp had sent them on pushing its way forward again and starting to make her sick. So Amanda shook her head lightly, swallowing the bile that was threatening to rise in her throat down, and whispered, "Not now. I will tell you eventually, but not now. Okay? Let's talk about something else? Please?"

Olivia immediately noticed that the blonde detective was rattled and shaken up by the case, so she racked her brain for something else that she could ask her. The brunette, however, did not have to think about it too long and asked, "When did you fall in love with me?"

Chuckling, Amanda kissed the taller woman's forehead, "Well, that's easy. When I saw you for the first time with that ponytail all messy, you looked so beautiful that I stuttered all my way through introducing myself to you. I was like a fucking fangirl, remember?"

The brunette snorted back her laughter, "Yes, I remember… but I was too immersed in my pain over Elliot leaving and I wanted to bring justice to Miriam so badly that I didn't really notice you at first."

Pulling away, the blonde raised a questioning eyebrow teasingly, "What do you mean, you didn't notice me? Have you seen this?"

With these words, Amanda motioned up and down her body, moving her head from left to right and snapping her finger for good measure, making Olivia laugh out loud this time, tears gathering in her eyes. When she had calmed, her breathing back to normal, she pressed her lips to the blonde's pulse, once again, having noticed that it was a weak spot for the other woman, her breath stumbling each time, amusing Olivia to no end, "Of course I have, my sweet. And it is indeed beautiful. Truly easy on the eyes."

The last words held a playful southern drawl to them, so this time it was the blonde's turn to snort, both women thankful that the respective other was there and actually able to make them feel better, a lightness spreading through both women's bodies, making them fall in love with each other just a little bit more in that very moment.

After a while of just lying there and enjoying the other, a comfortable silence between the two detectives, Olivia spoke up once again, "You know how I always called you Georgia Peach?" When she felt Amanda nod she continued, "Well, at some point, I just couldn't anymore because the thoughts in my head made me blush and I really could not afford to give myself away now, could I?"

Amanda had the feeling that she knew what came next, but she asked anyway, "What thoughts?"

Burying her face deeper into the blonde detective's creamy neck, embarrassed, Olivia tried to hide, but the blonde did not let her. She pulled her head back to get a better look at her girl, smiling softly to show the other woman that it was not her intention to make her feel uncomfortable, but she merely wanted to know.

When their eyes met, chocolate brown and sparkling cobalt, Olivia blushed a deep crimson and stuttered, "Um, in my mind… my mind… well… uh… I always asked myself… ugh… I called you peach, but I wanted to know if you also… um… tasted like peach? Oh God…"

Hiding in Amanda's hair, the brunette wished that a hole would open somewhere, so the earth could swallow her just in one piece, the degree of her embarrassment rising exponentially.

The blonde was tempted to torture the other woman a little longer by asking her to clarify which taste she explicitly meant, but she refrained and instead changed the direction of their conversation, her hand having resumed the movement against Olivia's scalp, "So… when did you know then? That you love me I mean?"

The brunette detective bit her lip and contemplated her answer, "To be honest, I can't really pinpoint the exact moment when I knew. It was at some point before the Captain was accused of murder. Then, when we were working the case, you got really upset when Cassidy was shot and I didn't know what to do with it. I always thought that you didn't like me very much because of the hard time I gave you when you started, but now I know why."

Smiling, Amanda breathed, "Yeah, the mere thought that you could have gotten shot that night was a little too much for me and I made a complete ass of myself. I was being so, so obvious that day and the possibility that the whole squad knew that I was irreversibly in love with you made me a little sick. Apparently you were oblivious though, which I find amusing given the fact that everyone else seemed to have noticed."

xxxx

 _They were all sitting together at a round table at O'Malley's a little after midday, Fin getting drinks for Amanda and himself, the blonde staring at the dark wood of the table, not seeing, her mind reeling at one hundred miles an hour. Cassidy was at the hospital, two bullets in his chest, and Olivia had been there when he got shot by a rookie. Anxiously fidgeting with her papers and research, the blonde detective saw her partner place a Coke in front of her, saying something about a car-theft ring that she did not really hear. In her peripheral vision Nick appeared, after a while asking about Cassidy's well-being, and the fog in her head slowly dissipated._

 _Olivia's calm voice telling her partner that he was sedated and out of critical condition brought the blonde detective back to the present and she shook her head, blue orbs boring into Olivia and the words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them, the quiver in her voice prominent, "That could have been you that got shot."_

 _The moment these words had left her mouth, she wanted to take them back, because the awkward silence that followed was almost deafening. Looking around at her fellow detectives, the blonde noticed that everyone was staring at her, so she felt the urge to add, stammering, "Uh… I mean… we all gotta watch each other's backs."_

 _More silence was what followed, Munch raising his eyebrows, making Amanda grab the pen in front of her, nervously clicking it, waiting for someone to save her. When no one said anything, the blonde detective swallowed hard around the lump that had formed in her throat and croaked out, "Um, excuse me. Bathroom!"_

 _She jumped up and made a beeline to the restrooms, desperate to get away from the situation, her skin heating up from the embarrassed flush that was creeping up her chest and neck._

' _Stupid, Rollins! Stupid, stupid, stupid!'_

 _She barged through the bathroom door, heading straight to the sink, splashing a few handfuls of cold water in her face, before staring at herself in the mirror, forcing herself to take deep breaths so as not to start hyperventilating._

 _What she had not noticed, however, was that Olivia had been in the process of standing up to go after the blonde, but Fin's hand on her arm held her back, "I'll go, Liv. You stay."_

 _Always having been under the impression that Amanda hated her guts, the brunette decided that following the blonde into the bathroom would not do any good and sank back down onto her stool, leaving her in the capable hands of Odafin Tutuola._

 _Looking for the tiny metal plate on wood that indicated that he had found the ladies' room, he raised his right hand, gently knocking at the door, "Manda? Are you in there?"_

 _Inside, Amanda steeled herself, forcing the tremor out of her voice, "I'm peeing, Fin. Jeez!"_

 _Chuckling, her partner grunted, "No, you're not. Are you at least decent?"_

 _The blonde rolled her eyes. She always felt the need to roll her eyes when her partner was trying to be funny, "Yes, Fin. I'm washing my hands."_

 _When her fellow detective answered that he was coming in and she heard the doorknob turn, she hastily turned the water back on in order to pretend to indeed wash her hands, her embarrassment increasing with each passing second._

 _Looking in the mirror, she cursed herself when she noticed that her face was still wet, Fin approaching and grabbing some paper towels on the way. He handed them to his partner so she could dry her face and Amanda gave him a thankful smile._

 _Starting to dab her skin, blue eyes locked onto brown in the mirror, a questioning eyebrow raised at her, concern on Fin's face, "Manda, you sure you're okay?"_

 _The blonde's jaw muscle twitched at the question, because of course she was not, "Yes, why?"_

 _Fin pressed his lips together very briefly and gently placed his hand on Amanda's shoulder, "I don't wanna be too forward with you because it ain't really my place, but if you keep this up, I won't stay the only one who notices that your gay is showing."_

 _Spinning around on her heel, the blonde detective glared at her partner, instantly trying to defend herself a little too hastily, "I don't know what you're talking about."_

" _Manda, there is obviously something going on between you and Liv – "_

 _Amanda cut him off, "I don't know what you're_ talking _about, Fin!"_

 _The finality in her voice made the other detective raise his hands in defeat, backing away from the petite form standing in front of him, "Okay, then… but if you ever wanna talk, Manda… I'm – "_

" _There's nothing to talk about!"_

xxxx

Thinking back to that day, Amanda continued, "However, I pushed these feelings down; at least I tried. I wanted to bury them forever and ever, especially after you came back to the precinct from visiting Cassidy later on. There was this glow that you emitted and I knew that I had lost, so I made it my mission to suppress everything I felt and move on from you. I had another slight slip at Bart Ganzel's loft though. Do you remember?"

xxxx

 _Sitting at her desk later that afternoon, Amanda nervously drummed her fingers against the dark wood, staring at her laptop screen without seeing, her mind having wandered off to one brunette detective who had rushed off to the hospital to see Brian Cassidy, so eager to see him that it made the blonde want to vomit._

 _Nervous energy was coursing through her to a degree that she thought she might explode; a time bomb, threatening to go off at any given moment. Her screen was blurring in front of her, the email from TARU that she was supposed to read staring back at her, empty and forgotten._

 _Her partner was sleeping in the cribs, which the blonde was grateful for, not having been able to escape his concerned looks throughout the day, warm, brown eyes watching protectively over her ever since her slip at O'Malley's._

 _Amanda was chewing her lower lip when she heard the sound of boots against the linoleum floors of the precinct, closing her eyes and preparing herself for Olivia's entry, because from the way her skin prickled she knew the brunette was in the same room with her. A few moments later, she heard Olivia's voice behind her, sweet like honey, "Cassidy made Koundak. He used to hang around, very much liking Spanish girls."_

 _Amanda's head turned, blue eyes meeting brown before darting back to Cragen's office to check if Captain Harris was immersed enough in whatever it was that he was doing to miss their interaction, and the blonde replied, "Let me wake up Fin so we can get this son-of-a-bitch."_

 _Amanda was sliding her desk chair back and just about to get up to wake her partner when her fellow detective interjected, "Hold on, Rollins. I'm good to go. Give Fin his full thirty minutes."_

 _Smiling, Amanda yanked her jacket from the back of her chair, and they made their way to the elevators, side by side, the blonde's skin prickling from their close proximity, Olivia slowly but surely driving Amanda crazy. The brunette's intoxicating and distinct scent paired with her perfume hit the other woman's nostrils, Amanda subtly taking in the whiff of roses and magnolias that was the brunette's perfume. She immediately berated herself in her head for her inappropriateness, her mind rather focusing on the fact that Olivia had just come back from the hospital, a mysterious glow surrounding the other woman that made the blonde's stomach turn. There was something different about the brunette detective which Amanda was unable to put her finger on, not helping her with the uneasy feeling in her midsection. Rolling her eyes at herself internally, the petite blonde had to suppress a chuckle at the thought that her thoughts went from Olivia Benson's divine smell to Olivia Benson probably making out with Brian fucking Cassidy in his fucking hospital bed and comparing these two, she realized that her stomach was churning for a completely different reason now. A green-eyed monster had awoken, growling disapprovingly somewhere in her midsection, until her inner turmoil was interrupted by the arrival of the elevator, Amanda letting Olivia step in first before she followed._

 _xxxx_

 _Listening to the car's wheels thump softly every time they hit a bump in the road, Amanda was staring out of the passenger side window, the tall buildings of the Manhattan skyline passing by on their way to Ganzel's loft in SoHo. The radio was playing "Lego House" by Ed Sheeran, the redhead singing about keeping someone sheltered from a raging storm, and Amanda thought about how it would feel to be held by one brunette detective, or just to hold her for that matter. However, with the new feeling that she had, she was positive that this was as likely to happen as hell freezing over, so she kept repeating in her head to let it go – like a mantra. Instead, she tried to focus on the task at hand, which was arresting Bart Ganzel and bringing him in. The blonde heard Olivia hum to the music and her thoughts were brought back to the beautiful brunette and Amanda's thoughts wandered off once again. She could not help herself and even though she knew that it was wrong, the blonde imagined how that soft yet deep and scratchy voice would sound next to her ear, sweet nothings being whispered into it, hot puffs of air hitting her shell in the process. Blue eyes were threatening to roll back into her head, so she shook her head vehemently at these inappropriate thoughts, focusing on the case at hand and the buildings passing by for the time being._

 _After what seemed like hours for Amanda, they finally pulled up at the curb in front of Ganzel's building. Both detectives got out of the car and Olivia locked it, the two women making their way into the fancy building and flashing their badges at the doorman for him to let them pass without making a big commotion._

 _On the way up in the elevator, Amanda stared straight ahead at the steel wall of the door and even though she felt Olivia's concerned gaze on her for whatever reason, she was all business, Bart Ganzel being her only thought and target at that moment._

 _When the elevator dinged their arrival once again, Amanda repeated her action of before, letting the brunette step off first this time. Making their way to Ganzel's door, Olivia knocked and the two women waited for the door to be opened. The clicking of heels against a wooden floor could be heard on the other side and the door opened, an Asian girl in a tiny dress peeking through and the two detectives once again flashed their badges, the girl's eyes widening slightly and Olivia started speaking, "I'm Detective Benson, this is my partner Detective Rollins and we are here for Bart Ganzel."_

 _Amanda's stomach did a tiny backflip at Olivia referring to her as her partner but tried to shake it off immediately. The raven-haired woman shook her head looking from the brunette to the blonde and back, "Bart is not here and I don't know when he will be back."_

 _Raising her eyebrow, the brunette retorted, "Listen and listen closely, sweetheart. We have an arrest warrant for Bart Ganzel and if you don't want to be arrested along with him for obstruction of justice, you better step aside and let us in."_

 _The girl did just that, opening the door wider and the two women stepped inside, rounding a corner and finding Ganzel packing a bag while his attorney was trying to talk him out of fleeing the country. Their door opener spoke up, "Bart!"_

 _A brunette head shot up, "What?"_

 _Amanda stepped forward, smirking lightly to intimidate the man, "Police!"_

 _Ganzel's face fell, his eyes locking onto the Asian girl, "Joy, you let them in?"_

 _The blonde detective's smirk grew in size when she drawled, "Bart Ganzel you're under arrest. Promoting prostitution, bribery…"_

 _Ganzel interrupted her, "Look," he reached into his overnight bag and pulled out a bundle of cash, "we can work this out."_

 _The brunette scoffed, "You have got to be kidding me."_

 _Bart's eyes darted between the two detectives, frantically looking for a way out. When he figured that there was not any way to escape, he pushed is bag into Olivia, making her stumble backwards and her back hit the wall, knocking the wind out of her._

 _Amanda's protectiveness hit full force when Ganzel was already halfway out the door and she grabbed his jacket, yanking him back to face her, "Hey! That's my partner!" The word 'partner' was heavily accentuated by her elbow connecting with the man's eye socket, an ugly cracking sound being emitted as she handcuffed him, "Now, let's try that again. Bart Ganzel, you're under arrest."_

xxxx

Olivia chuckled, nuzzling the blonde's jaw with her nose, "Yes, I remember and I have to say that I got quite warm seeing you like this. My stomach did a whole backflip and I felt a little queasy and hot. I think I blushed a little too, but thank God you were too immersed in the arrest to pay attention to me and my lip bite when I ogled your backside."

Pulling back lightly, the blonde beamed, "You did?"

The brunette detective chortled, her nose crinkling in amusement, "Subconsciously, yes. And don't get me started on Harris partnering us up. I thought you hated me and that we were never going to get along. The look on your face when you looked at me after these words had me very worried."

Revisiting these moments together, the two women started giggling wildly and Amanda wheezed, "Look at where we are now though. You're my girl and I really don't have any intention of ever letting you go again."

The blonde's stomach dropped when she felt Olivia tense up, but before she could stutter her way out of the situation, the brunette pushed herself up, once again, shock edged on her face, "I am?"

Frowning, the smaller woman shot back, "Well, that depends. Do you want to be? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed."

A beaming smile split plush lips and Olivia leaned down for another kiss, her tongue probing gently this time, making the other woman gasp softly.

When she pulled back, smoldering chocolate eyes were lovingly gazing down at her, "Ask me again. Officially this time."

Amanda's heart was beating wildly in her chest and she opened and closed her suddenly very dry mouth a few times, before whispering, "Olivia Benson, will you be my girlfriend?"

Nuzzling the blonde's nose with her own, the taller woman bit her lip softly before breathing, "Yes, Baby. I will be your girlfriend for as long as you'll have me."

Pulling her girl close so their foreheads were touching, Amanda whispered back, "Then I hope that forever works for you, Liv. Because like I said, I'm never letting you go again."

"Forever sounds just perfect," Olivia smiled, sealing the other woman's lips with another kiss before snuggling back into her body, the two women enjoying a quiet night in front of the TV, exchanging longing looks and sweet, lazy kisses before spending their first night in Amanda's bed as official girlfriends. The last thing Olivia thought about before sleep took her to dreamland with a smile on her face was that she was the luckiest woman in the whole wide world to be loved by such an amazing woman, and that would have to tell Abbie all about the outcome first thing in the morning.

 **xxxx**

 **A/N 2: Thank you very much for reading, guys. I won't leave you hanging with this, I promise. I will finish it, but sometimes being a writer just sucks, especially when the creative juices are not flowing the way you want them to.**

 **The quote in the beginning is taken from the song** _ **When You Say You Love Me**_ **by Josh Groban.**

 **Any mistakes are my own because I didn't spend thaaat much time proofreading.**

 **Reviews are love.**

 **Until next time, my lovelies.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Shocker!**

 **A/N 1: Sooo, this little idea popped up in my head while writing chapter 6 and my muse rattled my cage very intensely, as they say. At first she was dead, now she won't leave me alone. I prefer the latter, so here goes nothing.**

 **Another, this time shorter, interlude, but in the next chapter we will move on. Cross my heart. :D This is not set at any specific time, but definitely before episode 15x06. You might notice that Olivia's injured wrist has healed.**

 **Thank you very much again for all the reviews, follows, and favorites. You are the bestest. :***

xxxx

 **Chapter 7**

" _The shadows fall and spread their mystic charms in the hush of night while you're in my arms. I feel your lips, so warm and tender, my one and only love. The touch of your hand is like heaven; a heaven that I've never known. The blush on your cheeks whenever I speak tells me that you are my own."_

It was two in the morning when Olivia woke up with a start, her scream echoing through Amanda's apartment, high-pitched and long, also waking up her girlfriend, who was by her side in an instant.

"Baby?" the blonde detective whispered, trying to get Olivia's attention, checking if she was caught in a flashback or if she had come back to reality after her bad dream.

Still panting, Olivia swallowed hard and rasped out, "Yes, I'm here. I'm good. It was just a nightmare."

Amanda scooted closer to the other woman under the covers, "Can I… uh, can I touch you?"

Given the fact that they had several conversations about the fact that she was not broken, Olivia pushed down her misplaced anger and plastered a tiny smile to her face. She appreciated that Amanda looked out for her and her feelings and she loved the younger woman even more for it. Hence, she turned her head and pressed a soft kiss to a pale cheek, "Yes, Manda. Please!"

Having waited for her girlfriend's permission, the blonde now carefully raised her hand and placed it between Olivia's shoulder blades before starting a gentle, soothing motion of up and down along the brunette's spine. Feeling the other woman's body tremble lightly under her touch and the blonde placed a sweet kiss to her girlfriend's tan shoulder and murmured, "Why don't we lie back down and try to get some more sleep? What do you say?"

The brunette stared into distance, chewing her lip intently. She knew she would not be able to go back to sleep; knew that her eyes would stay wide open for the remaining night. However, Amanda needed the rest and she was aware that her girlfriend would not go back to sleep if she did not agree. Forcing a tiny smile, Olivia nodded and the blonde lay back, her head on the pillows, flaxen locks sprawled out under her head, holding her arms out, "Come here."

Olivia happily obliged and climbed into the other woman's comforting embrace, letting the warmth of her body and her distinct scent wash away the anxiety to the highest degree possible, the gentle motion of the blonde's fingers in her hair soothing her troubled soul.

Plush lips pressed against her forehead and Olivia tried to breathe as evenly as she could, pretending to be falling back asleep, wanting to prevent Amanda from not getting any sleep over worrying about the brunette. She only needed to wait a few minutes until the movement of her girlfriend's hand got sloppier, stilling eventually, and her breaths evened out, Olivia relishing in the calmness of the moment, a serenity washing over her that she only felt when she was with the blonde. Letting her eyes trail over Amanda's creamy neckline, watching her pulse thump evenly and steadily, the brunette felt her eyes droop, once again, and she slowly but surely drifted back off to sleep after all.

xxxx

When blue eyes lazily fluttered open four hours later, Amanda noticed that her girlfriend had left her. The sheets were cold and the en-suite bathroom was dark. Confused, the blonde raised her head and pushed herself up, clumsily padding over to the bathroom anyway to peek inside, making sure Olivia really was not in there. Rubbing her hands over her tired eyes, Amanda's gaze afterwards dropped to the line of golden yellow that came from underneath the bedroom door, the sliver of light indicating that the living room was illuminated.

She pushed the handle down, effectively opening the door, and what she saw made her heart flutter but also break just a little bit, all at the same time. It was six o'clock in the morning and Olivia was sitting on the sofa, her legs tucked underneath her as she held a mug of steaming hot coffee in both hands. The baby blue mug was resting on the brunette's bent knee as long, tan fingers randomly traced the flowery patterns on the mug as the woman stared into space. Every single light in the room was switched on, from the big, blaring overhead lights in the kitchen and living area to the smaller floor and table lamps that were scattered all over the living room.

Amanda shut the bedroom door behind her when at the same time, the brunette saw someone shift out of the corner of her eye and jumped five feet into the air, her coffee spilling all over tan hands and over her legs from the sudden movement.

Olivia hissed sharply at the pain, waking up Frannie who had been snoozing peacefully next to the brunette. The mug had fallen to the ground and shattered into pieces with a loud clank and Olivia's whole body was trembling violently in fear and shock.

Amanda rushed over to the kitchen and grabbed the roll of paper towels before making a beeline back to the couch, ignoring the sting of the ceramic fragments making contact with her bare soles, boring into her flesh unpleasantly. Unfurling the roll, the blonde ripped off a generous amount of paper and dabbed gently at the other woman's arms and legs, a flood of apologies tumbling out of Amanda's mouth, "Fuck, I'm so sorry, Liv. Are you okay?"

Smiling softly at the younger woman, the brunette detective tried to soothe her girlfriend because she knew that otherwise, the blonde would beat herself up about what happened, "Yes, Manda. I'm fine. Everything is good."

The truth was that her hands and legs were on fire, but she would never tell her girlfriend that. The pain would subside in just a few moments. Amanda's guilt, however, would not be so easy to get rid of, so all the brunette did was gazing lovingly at the blonde while she dried her off, repeating every now and again that she was sorry.

Dropping the damp paper towels to the floor, Amanda took her girlfriend's hands into her own and examined them, carefully checking if there were indeed not any marks. She shook her head, her voice cracking lightly at her next words, "I'm so sorry, Baby. I'm such a klutz sometimes."

The brunette knew that Amanda was genuinely sorry and that she was just worried about her. Olivia's patience, however, was strained, for she had talked to her girlfriend several times about the fact that she wished for her to not treat her differently, but just as normally as she had before the whole ordeal with William Lewis.

The crumpled paper lay now soaked on the floor, the remainders of the coffee that had spilled down having been absorbed by its fibers, now ready to be disposed, and the blonde detective, after having witnessed the grinding of her girlfriend's jaw, collected the paper and the shards of the mug to throw them away. Uncertainty rose in her, settling firmly in her brain, making several possible scenarios fly through her head. She was trying to comply with the brunette's wish to be treated like she had been before; she was trying very hard to not give in when her worry was so intense that the need to wrap the other woman in cotton wool, pamper her, and protect her from every evil that lurked around every corner became almost overwhelmingly strong. So instead, she held herself back so Olivia's wrath would not strike down upon her.

Pushing herself up into a standing position, Amanda took the paper towels and shards, ready to carry them over to the kitchen, and mumbled, "Let me get you a new coffee."

Olivia shook her head, "No, Manda. It's fine. I'll go myself."

Turning her head back to look at her girlfriend, the blonde insisted, "I was the one who made you drop the mug, so it's the least–"

"Jesus fuck, Rollins! How hard can it be for me to get up and pour myself a coffee? Have you yet to understand that I'm not fucking broken?" Olivia snapped, making Amanda flinch and Frannie let out a sharp bark at the brunette's tone.

The silence that followed in the apartment was deafening and made both women's ears ring, the only sounds being emitted into the room being Amanda opening her hands to let the paper and shards fall into the trash can that she was holding open with her foot. When the lid fell closed, Olivia jumped, yet again, but this time the other woman did not apologize; not out of spite, but because she did not want to trigger any more of her girlfriend's anger and frustration toward her.

Instead, she opened the cabinet and pushed herself up on her tiptoes in order to reach for a mug, before pouring a generous amount of coffee for herself. Trying to keep her tears at bay, she kept her back turned to Olivia and started rummaging through the kitchen to make breakfast, gathering yoghurt and fruit from the fridge so as to keep her wandering mind busy and not to focus on the hurt that was pulling at her heartstrings, because she knew that Olivia was vulnerable. She knew that her brunette girlfriend was on edge and she fully intended to put the other woman's needs before her own and be there for her.

Switching on the kitchen radio, the blonde padded over to the sink to start washing two apples and a pack of blueberries while listening to James Morrison singing about to just feel it if it is love. Carefully drying everything off, she firstly split the blueberries and divided them in two bowls before cutting the apples in quarters and removing the cores with the seeds.

She concentrated on the music, letting it distract her from the feeling of her stomach tying up in painful knots, despite the knowledge that her girlfriend was raw, with her emotions laying bare, with a long, painful healing process ahead of her, and the blonde really wanted to not treat Olivia like a victim, as she did not see her girlfriend as such. She was a survivor, but the thought of William Lewis having tortured and hurt this precious creature, the love of Amanda's life, for four whole days made the blonde want to cradle the brunette in her arms and never let go; if she did let go, however, it would be only to get her gun and shoot Lewis, watching him drop to the floor, dead.

Cutting the apple quarters in half, she began chopping them into pieces a little more forcefully than she intended to, adding them to the blueberries. Just when she removed the foil from the yoghurt to spoon it onto the fruit, she felt two arms slither around her from behind. The sudden touch made her jump lightly, but she was immediately soothed by soft lips pressing a trail of featherlight kisses to pale shoulder blades, Olivia having sidled up behind her, holding the blonde tightly, "I'm sorry, Baby."

Tears gathered in blue eyes at these words, the blonde putting the yoghurt pot and the spoon down and turning around in her girlfriend's arms, leaning back against the counter and bracing her hands on top of it. Soulful chocolate orbs were staring at her as the tears were pouring from blue eyes and down flushed cheeks, Olivia leaning in to kiss the droplets away gently.

Pressing their foreheads together, the brunette drew tiny circles on the younger woman's lower back, over her tank top at first, but soon sneaking underneath to establish skin-on-skin contact, repeating, "I'm so sorry, Manda."

Amanda shook her head, gradually melting into her girlfriend's touch and letting her hands slowly wander up and around Olivia's neck, playing with her now shoulder-length hair, "No, I'm sorry. I'm trying, Liv. I'm really trying, but thinking about what he did to you makes me want to torture this pig to death. I know that you don't want to be treated differently, but it kills me to be the reason for you jumping out of your skin. I want to make things better for you and I know that there is a lot of 'I' and 'me' here, but–"

The blonde's ramble was cut off by firm lips pressing to hers and she gasped lightly in in surprise, tightening her hold on her girlfriend and letting herself fall into the kiss, mouths opening lightly, the tips of their tongues leisurely dancing together before their mouths sealed, once again, the two women parting and breaking their liplock, and Olivia whispered, "I love you, Amanda. You are being wonderful and the fact that you are the way you are makes me love you even more every second. I shouldn't have gone off on you the way I did. You deserve so much better."

Fusing their lips once again in a gentle, but this time chaste, kiss, Amanda breathed, "I love you too, Olivia. I only want what's best for you and I want to make you happy. More than anything in this world, I want to make you happy. I love everything about you, I always have, and I want to get through this with you. I'll be here all the way, but sometimes I might slip up."

Yet again, the blonde was interrupted; this time by Olivia's fore and middle fingers hovering over her lips, "We will be the happiest couple that ever wandered the face of this earth, my love. It is certainly going to be hard and we will have to learn a lot about each other, especially our imperfections, but in the end, I am convinced that with all these imperfections, we are perfect for each other."

Tears were once again falling freely down the blonde's face and she snorted, "Ugh, you and your fucking way with words, Benson… I swear to God."

Pulling her girlfriend into her, the brunette grinned, "Mmmm, that's why you love me, Rollins. For that and for my hot ass."

Amanda laughed heartily, glancing down suggestively and biting her lip, making a show of looking back up into brown orbs through her thick lashes, "Yeah, and don't forget these boobs."

The blonde felt her ass being slapped, squeaking softly, but pressing her lips to Olivia's again, both women smiling into the kiss, "Let's have breakfast."

xxxx

Sitting across from each other at the kitchen island, both women were munching their breakfast and drinking coffee, a comfortable silence having fallen over them, their hands lightly brushing intermittently between them. Amanda was reading her book, _Assassin's Apprentice_ by Robin Hobb, while Olivia was absorbed in the latest issue of The New York Times. The song on the radio had changed, Bruno Mars now singing about someone's eyes making the stars look like they are not shining, and the two women's eyes met across the island as they smiled softly at each other.

Diverting their gazes simultaneously, both detectives were still smiling, their fingers never leaving each other, brushing languidly together. The blonde had just buried herself once again in her book, the main character Fitz just talking about being given a spot to sleep in the stables next to the royal dogs, when her girlfriend's voice suddenly echoed through the room, "I think I found the right therapist for me and I have another appointment there tomorrow morning."

The blonde needed a second to catch on, but locked eyes again with her girlfriend after a few moments, "Okay. Wanna tell me more about that?"

Olivia knew that the blonde was not the biggest fan of therapy, but also knew that she would encounter full support of her decision, "Yes, I decided to go with Dr. Lindstrom. After his initial evaluation I told you about and all those futile attempts to actually find someone who could help me, he agreed to see me daily and see how it works out for me."

Squeezing her girlfriend's hand gently, Amanda smiled, "I'm happy for you and I hope that you two connect. You deserve to find someone to understand you; to really understand what happened to you and not just clinically analyze the facts that lead to these events."

Olivia felt immensely grateful, especially considering the blonde's actual attitude towards therapists. Brown eyes met blue, once again, and the brunette whispered, "I love you, Amanda Rollins."

Slipping from her bar stool, the blonde detective rounded the kitchen island and pressed herself lightly into Olivia's body, her hands on the brunette's thighs, squeezing gently, "I love you too, Liv. We are going to get through this. I will be here with you along the way. Always and forever."

Leaning her forehead against her girlfriend's, once again, Olivia whispered, "Forever."

 **xxxx**

 **A/N 2: Thank you for reading. In the next chapter, we will make a time jump to episode 15x06, "October Surprise", unless there are any suggestions that anyone would like to prompt me with. If there is anything else that you want to see between episode 15x01 and 15x06, drop me a review or a PM. :P**

 **The quote in the beginning is taken from the song** _ **My One and Only Love**_ **by Bob Dylan.**

 **Reviews are love.**

 **Until next time, my darlings.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns everything. Newsflash, I know.**

 **A/N 1: This chapter is for the beautiful Wiiii86. Olivia moving into her new apartment. Ta-dah! Special thanks go to spookysquamous. You may not be aware, but the judgemental owl inspired me to write that very last part of the chapter. So thank you! :)**

 **In chapter 6 and 7, there was a little error in my narration regarding Dr. Lindstrom… I fixed it and hope that you guys didn't notice. :P**

 **xxxx**

 **Chapter 8**

" _If you let me go, life would lose its touch. What would I be without you? There's no place for me without you. Never let me go. I'd be so lost if you went away. There'd be a thousand hours in the day without you. Because of one caress my world was overturned at the very start, all my bridges burned by my flaming heart. You'd never leave me, would you? You couldn't hurt me, could you? Never let me go."_

Odafin Tutuola huffed and puffed in aggravation, letting the last cardboard moving box drop to the wooden floor with a dull thud, Amanda and Nick grinning at him while the blonde drawled, "Yo, what's up, Fin? You going soft on me?"

Her grin turned into a snort of laughter at the face her partner made at her, and the blonde picked up the discarded box to meticulously put it on top of a small pile of other boxes that were labelled with the word _KITCHEN_ , "Don't you worry, old man. This was the last box to carry up here, so you are lucky."

Walking over to the blonde with a raised eyebrow, Fin slowly wrapped his arm around Amanda's shoulder before putting her in a gentle headlock, ruffling blonde locks teasingly, "You wait until you are my age, Rollins. Hey, Liv! A little help here? Our youngest is making fun of my age."

A brunette head peeked around the corner, out of the second bedroom, finding her girlfriend fight to get herself free from her partner's grip, pressing her lips together at the picture, because Amanda looked just too cute; like a sister trying to break away from her big brother's teasing grasp.

Fin's voice brought her back to the present and she tried as best as she could to wipe the dopey look from her face, "Help me out here, Mama Bear. This ain't fair. Rollins giving us shit about age when she's that hot piece of young ass."

Olivia tried to ignore the light stab she felt going through her heart at Fin pointing out their age difference and smiled, "Oh, Finneus. She will get there soon enough and then we'll see who is laughing."

Brown eyes met concerned blue and the brunette knew that her girlfriend had picked up on her temporary slip in demeanor, but the mirth was back in them instantly, Amanda finally breaking free from Fin's grip, her hair utterly disheveled as she poked her tongue out at her two senior detectives. She threw her head back, blonde hair in a ponytail whipping her partner right in his face as she stalked away, but not without glancing at Olivia and throwing her a flirtatious wink.

The brunette watched her girlfriend pass by her and had to fight herself not to turn around and watch her leave, but she was saved by her partner Nick Amaro approaching her and wrapping his arm around her shoulders, "So, Liv. What can we unpack where?"

Olivia shook her head, "It's alright, Nick. I think it's just the best if I unpack by myself. I'll probably change my mind several times along the way about what goes where. So I'd like to spare you."

A beaming smile made its way to handsome features as Nick chuckled, "Alrighty then. We'll leave you to it." Looking at Fin, he jerked his head toward the door to signal him that they were leaving and the other man's brown eyes started darting around the room in search of his partner.

When he did not see her, he called, "Yo, Rollins. You comin' with?"

Hearing her name being called, Amanda walked back into the living area, stumbling over a moving box while trying to maneuver around a happily and excitedly bounding Frannie, but able to keep her balance before faceplanting in front of everyone, fighting to keep her composure as her co-workers were chuckling, "Uh, I think I'll stay for a little while to help unpack the boxes."

Amaro waved his hand around dismissively, "Liv just said that she wanted to do it by herself, because she wasn't sure what to put where yet."

' _Think, Rollins. THINK!'_

"Uh, well… the apartment also has to be cleaned when everything is ready, guys. One could think that you guys have never moved before in your entire lives," the blonde shot back as if it was the most natural thing in the world and not as if this was just a half-assed attempt to stay with Olivia for the remaining day. She did not miss Fin's raised eyebrow, but she stood her ground, forcing herself not to look over to her girlfriend and give herself away.

Both men simultaneously raised an eyebrow, but then shrugged, bidding their goodbyes before leaving Amanda and Olivia to whatever they planned on doing that day. When the door closed behind them the blonde heaved a deep, relieved sigh, "Well, I at least hope that went well."

Chuckling, Olivia walked over to her girlfriend and wrapped her arms around the smaller woman before pressing a gentle kiss to her temple, "You were being very subtle, my dear."

Amanda turned her head and arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow, "Do I sense sarcasm there, Benson?"

Clutching her heart in mock shock, the brunette gasped, "I resent that statement, Amanda Rollins. I don't even know what you are talking ab-" Olivia's teasing was interrupted by her surprised squeak when her girlfriend pinched her side.

Amanda huffed, "Yeah, I'm sure you don't." They both grinned mischievously at each other and simultaneously leaned in when the blonde whispered, "Welcome home, Baby."

With that, lips connected in a soft kiss, Olivia briefly having fought the flashback to the last time she was welcomed home with William Lewis holding a gun to her head. Reminding herself that she was here with her girl, who loved her deeply and would never do anything to hurt her, brown eyes fluttered closed and the brunette let herself fall, her tongue tentatively slipping inside, making both women gasp.

Olivia tangled her fingers in silky, flaxen locks, reveling in the feeling of their lips sliding together in perfect sync, and the brunette breathed deeply, taking in the other woman's redolence while stroking her warmth, "Mmmm."

Pulling away slightly and opening her eyes, Amanda watched as Olivia's lips trailed after her, not yet ready to end their kiss, and the blonde smiled to herself, biting her lip lightly as she traced the brunette's jawline with her index finger, "We should get to work, so we can find the time to relax later and start watching Harry Potter tonight."

As she watched her girl bounce slightly in excitement, Olivia chuckled, "Yeah. I will never forget your face when I told you that neither had I ever watched the movies, nor read the books." When she looked at her girlfriend's pale features and saw the exasperated look on her face, the brunette wrapped her arms around the smaller woman, pulling her in once again, "I promise I will sit through the whole thing with you. I want you to show me what all the hype is about."

Snorting, the blonde raised an eyebrow, "Hype? Harry Potter is a religion, Benson!"

Olivia reconnected their lips, grinning into the kiss, "A religion, right… and you are such a beautiful nerd, Rollins. Now, let's get started."

xxxx

A loud flopping sound was being emitted as the cork sprang from the bottle of sparkling wine Olivia had just opened, startling the brunette for just a second, the ball of ever-present anxiety pushing its way from her subconscious and threatening to settle in her chest, once again. Her train of thought, however, was interrupted by the padding of feet against her hardwood floor, Amanda having finished her shower and now on her way to join the brunette detective on the couch, making the brunette smile.

Switching on Olivia's Blu-Ray player, Amanda plopped down on the couch next to her girlfriend, accepting a glass of sparkling wine and shooting the older woman a grateful smile. Olivia brushed her own still damp hair out of her face before reaching for the second glass and filling it with the sparkling liquid. Both women reclined into the cushions, smiling, and the blonde raised her glass, "To new beginnings."

Olivia clinked their glasses, never breaking eye contact, "To us." Both detectives' eyes crinkled at the corners as they smiled over the rim of their glasses and took their first sips, before leaning in and connecting their lips in a chaste kiss. When they parted, the brunette whispered, "Thanks for all your help today, Baby."

Tracing Olivia's lips with her eyes and the brunette's chin with her thumb, Amanda once again pressed her plushness to her girlfriend's, "You are so very welcome. The apartment looks amazing. Shall we start the movie?" Amanda added with a slight waggle of her eyebrows.

The taller woman snorted and placed both their glasses back onto the coffee table. Then, in one swift movement, she pulled Amanda onto her back by her knee caps, the blonde squealing from losing her balance. Crawling on top of her girlfriend, Olivia tucking her head under the smaller woman's chin, "What are you waiting for, Rollins. Press the button."

Chuckling lightly, Amanda selected _Play Movie_ in the Blu-Ray's main menu and the celeste of _Hedwig's Theme_ started to play, the blonde softly humming along and making Olivia smile. Albus Dumbledore was slowly walking down the street of Privet Drive and the brunette frowned in confusion, "Okay. Who is this dude? Is he the one who killed Harry's parents?"

Amanda could not hold back the sputtered laugh that escaped her mouth and she wrapped her arms around her girl, pressing a kiss to the top of a brunette head, "No, Babe. This 'dude', as you call him, is Albus Dumbledore and is the headmaster of Hogwarts. He is one of the good guys."

Raising her head, Olivia revealed the befuddled look on her face, "Dumble-who?"

The blonde leaned up to kiss her adorable girlfriend, "Dumbledore, Baby. The one who killed Harry's parents is Voldemort."

When she scrunched up her face, Olivia's nose crinkled and she trailed off, "Vol-"

"-demort," Amanda chuckled. "Now, eyes back on the screen. Otherwise you won't be able to follow."

"I'm not sure I am following now."

Smiling to herself, the blonde squeezed her girlfriend in her arms, "I love you for trying, though."

xxxx

While in the beginning, Olivia had trouble grasping the concept of _Harry Potter_ , she found herself thoroughly enjoying the movie once she had connected all the initial dots of who was who. Only intermittently was she distracted by her girlfriend pressed against her, the firmness of her abs underneath her shirt, her muscular arms holding the brunette so tightly, safely, the smell of Olivia's shower gel and shampoo enveloping the two women as they lay cuddled up on the couch.

When the blonde reached up with her left hand to scratch her temple, the brunette caught sight of the tattoo on her girlfriend's forearm. She had noticed it several times before, the blonde's name etched into her skin in beautifully curved letters in white ink. "Why your name?"

Amanda grunted, confused, "Huh?"

Kissing the blonde's jaw softly, the taller woman lightly trailed the letters on pale skin and mumbled, "Your tattoo. Why is it your name?"

Amanda pressed her lips to her girl's hair, her right hand drawing random patterns on Olivia's back over her shirt, "To never lose focus on what's important. Most of my life I didn't have anyone else but myself. It's to always keep in mind that as long as I can rely on myself and my instincts, everything will be okay."

Biting her lip, Olivia smiled faintly, "Well, my love. I'm happy to tell you that you now have someone to rely on, always. And that someone is me. You'll never be alone anymore, I promise you that."

The blonde had to take a deep breath in order to fight back her tears, tucking her nose into chestnut curls, wrapping her girlfriend back into her arms and breathing in her delicious scent for the remainder of the movie.

xxxx

When the credits started rolling up the screen, the brunette was lost in her thoughts for a little while, recapping what she had just seen in her head, before breaking the silence in the room, "So… Voldemort could not kill Harry, because his mother sacrificed herself for him? Because of her act of pure love, he couldn't touch Harry?"

Olivia could practically feel the other woman's grin, "Yes, that's what happened."

Swallowing, the brunette croaked, "Wow, that's pretty deep."

Amanda did not say anything, feeling that there was more to come from the taller woman, and she wanted to give her time to collect her thoughts before speaking them. Hence, she settled for chewing on her bottom lip and stroking up and down her fellow detective's spine.

When Olivia pushed herself up and their eyes met, the blonde could see how emotional her girlfriend was and she started panicking, taking a tan face into both her hands, "Hey, what's wrong, Baby?"

Shaking her head, the older woman breathed, "Nothing. I just love you so much."

Amanda raised an eyebrow, "Are you sure?"

Nodding, Olivia leaned down and fused their lips in a deep open-mouthed kiss that made both women gasp lightly and the blonde decided to let it go and not press the matter with her girlfriend. They parted, resting their foreheads together, and Amanda said, a teasing quality to her voice, "I love you too, my darling. Let's just see how much you still love me when I tell you that I also brought _Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets_. And it's only 7 p.m., meaning there is a lot of time left for us tonight."

Snorting lightly, Olivia laughed, "Oh, come on, Rollins. You know as well as I do that you did not just bring _Chamber of Secrets_ with you. You brought the whole box."

Amanda gently pushed her girlfriend off her, a wide grin on her face, "I don't know what you're talking about." With that, she brought out the whole _Harry Potter_ Blu-Ray box and fished for the second disc. When everything was set, she bounded back over to the couch to resume their prior positions, but Olivia had already lain down on her back, her arms open and waiting for the blonde to climb in.

The smaller woman happily obliged and pressed _Play_ , once again, snuggling deeper into her girlfriend's voluptuous body, a raspy voice breathing into her hair, "Nerd."

Amanda smirked devilishly and bit her girlfriend's neck softly, almost sensually in revenge, making the other woman let out a strangled sound and slap the blonde's ass.

The smaller woman tried her best to hold herself together and ignore the pulsating of her core at that action, pressing another gentle kiss to the underside of Olivia's jaw, teasing, "Shhh! The movie is about to start."

Tightening her hold on the blonde, Olivia let out a deep, content sigh, stroking her girlfriend's back and enjoying the tiny kisses that were being pressed to her neck intermittently as she thought that she could not get any luckier than right there in that moment, watching Amanda's favorite movies together with the love of her life.

xxxx

 **A/N 2: Thank you very much for reading. As already said, the next chapter will revolve around the episode 15x06, "October Surprise", unless you want to see something else before that. Suggestions and prompts are welcome. ;)**

 **The quote in the beginning is taken from the song** _ **Never Let Me Go**_ **by Stacey Kent. And of course,** _ **Harry Potter**_ **belongs to the incredible J.K. Rowling. I just borrowed. :)**

 **Drop me a review, because they are love and they rock my world. :)**

 **Until next time, my lovelies. Mwah!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I still do not own anything. Yada, yada, yada.**

 **A/N 1: Thank you guys so much! This story has come to mean so much to me… it's kind of like my special baby. All my stories are my babies, but this one in particular I have grown especially fond of, as it paved my way into the Rolivia fandom where I was welcomed so very warmly. Thank you. :)**

 **This chapter is based on an idea that Strawberry0909 pitched to me while we were hanging out on my couch, watching episode 15x06, "October Surprise", and drinking ridiculous amounts of wine. Let's give her the credit she deserves, people. Also, again, if you haven't read her stories yet, you totally should. She's brilliant. ;)**

 **I feel like my SVU mojo has kind of left me so I hope this doesn't suck as much as I feel it does. The chapter took an unexpected turn toward the end, but for me it fits. :)**

 **On with the show. :)**

 **xxxx**

 **Chapter 9**

" _And it's dark in a cold December, but I've got you to keep me warm. If you're broken I will mend ya and keep you sheltered from the storm that's raging on, now._ _I'm out of touch, I'm out of love, I'll pick you up when you're getting down. And out of all these things I've done, I think I love you better now_ _._ _"_

Pacing the floor of the conference room at the 1-6, Olivia Benson nervously scrubbed her hands across her face before turning around to face her girlfriend, "A honey trap? You can't be serious, Amanda."

Bright blue eyes were staring right back at her when the brunette turned around for another round of pacing. Holding her arms up before reaching out and taking Olivia's hands into her own the blonde prodded, "We want to get this guy, Liv. Do you have a better idea?"

Taking a few deep breaths, searching her girlfriend's face intently, still hoping that the blonde was joking, Olivia swallowed hard, shaking her head in defeat and stepping aside, letting Amanda sit down at the table and in front of the laptop.

Before the blonde flopped down into the chair, however, a strong arm wrapped protectively around the brunette's waist, Amanda nuzzling her cheek with her nose, "It's gonna be okay. I promise, Liv."

Lightly flinching away from the blonde's touch Olivia murmured, "We're at work."

Amanda's shoulders sagged almost imperceptibly at the reprimand, "I know. Sorry."

xxxx

The brunette detective was staring at the message Amanda had just received from Alex Muñoz, black letters on white asking her girlfriend for a picture, and Olivia's jaw was grinding forcefully, her muscles bulging each time her teeth pressed together just a little harder.

Tilting her head to the side, the blonde's eyebrows rose almost up to her hairline and she mused, "Well, then. I guess it's picture time. Will you help me with that, Liv?" Blue eyes were now staring intently at Olivia, gauging her reaction to her girlfriend's request.

Opening and closing her mouth a few times, shocked, the older woman was unable to form words, so Amanda rose to her feet and took her phone, standing with her back to the wall, her expectant gaze never broken. Wordlessly handing her iPhone over, the blonde started to unbutton her turquoise blouse, revealing more and more pale skin underneath with each button that came undone, and Olivia swallowed hard around the sudden lump in her throat. Amanda's skin was flawless, tiny freckles dotting along her now plunging neckline, some of them disappearing under the black lace that had been exposed, now laying bare right in front of Olivia's eyes and the brunette had to take a deep breath to calm her jittery nerves and shaking hands.

When her girlfriend cleared her throat softly, brown eyes snapped back up to the younger woman's face and Olivia blushed furiously at being caught staring. Ducking her head shyly, her chestnut curls falling into her face and shielding her from her girlfriend's probing eyes, she clumsily fumbled with the phone's camera, her still shaking finger pressing down on the little icon on the home screen. The camera popped open and Olivia saw herself staring back at her in selfie mode, making her quickly flip it around again and remind herself to always look presentable when accidentally opening the front camera, "Wow, I opened the front camera. That's never a pretty sight."

Chuckling, Amanda brushed Olivia's hair back and before the brunette could protest once again that they were at work, the blonde had retracted and she smiled, "You always look beautiful, Baby. Let's take this picture, okay?"

Olivia nodded, albeit still not convinced, "Okay."

The blonde gave her girlfriend another encouraging smile before she took one of the lapels of her blouse and pulled it to the side with her right hand, exposing her beautiful cleavage that Olivia had to force herself not to look at.

Angling the phone down, she cut off most of the younger woman's face, focusing solely on her cleavage while at the same time trying not to stare. With Amanda's head to the side, the blonde held open one lapel, the black lace of her bra enticingly hugging the curve of a pale breast. Swallowing hard, Olivia snapped a few pictures, a sudden heat rising up in her body and tinting her cheeks and by the time the brunette handed Amanda her phone back she was sure that she was completely flushed from chest to face.

Olivia turned around, embarrassed, and flopped down into the chair next to Amanda's, a frown creasing her forehead, her forefinger scratching her thumb like it always did when she was nervous or upset.

The blonde noticed her girlfriend's fidgeting, not oblivious to her nervous habit, but opted to not say anything so as not to bring their private life into the mix when they were at work.

Instead, Amanda sat down next to her girlfriend and smiled softly at her love, squeezing her arm gently to get Olivia to look at her. The brunette detective, however, was in her own head, stubbornly staring ahead with a scowl, her fingers still moving restlessly against each other.

The blonde sighed, figuring that she would have to wait until they were home to get her girlfriend to tell her what's wrong, so she tapped her phone to AirDrop the pictures to her MacBook and started working, "Time to get the bastard."

xxxx

Closing the door to her apartment behind them and Frannie, whom they had just gotten from the dog sitter, Olivia rid herself of her coat and shoes, striding right into the kitchen to open a bottle of wine while her girlfriend excused herself to go and shower with a soft smile and a light squeeze to her hips.

The brunette's mind was racing, the events of that day replaying themselves in her head over and over again, driving her to the edge of reason the more she thought about them. It was ridiculous to think that she was jealous of Alex Muñoz having appreciated the blonde's breasts, his words having been burned behind Olivia's eyelids.

 _Wow, Babe. You're so hot._

It had all ended with a shot of Muñoz' exposed and erect penis and Olivia had been ready to vomit right into the trash can standing in the corner of the room. Her girlfriend had tried to keep the conversation light, making fun about the situation with Fin, but Olivia had not for the life of her been able to find any of it funny.

She popped open a bottle of red wine, the rich smell of the Cabernet Sauvignon immediately tickling her nostrils, and left it on the counter to breathe, entering her bedroom to change into tank top, an oversized sweater and a pair of sweatpants. After removing her make-up from the day, she lotioned up her face and brushed her hair out before pulling it back into a loose ponytail that sat a little lopsided on the top of her head.

Shuffling back into the kitchen, the sounds of the shower reached her ears and Olivia had to force herself not to think about her girlfriend standing under the warm spray – naked. Instead, the brunette went straight to the cabinet that harbored the glasses and fumbled to pull out two for red wine. Taking the bottle from the counter, Olivia moved back into the living area and flopped down into the soft cushions of her couch, neatly placing three coasters on the table to put everything down before taking the remote from the coffee table to switch on the TV.

xxxx

The brunette detective had been flipping through the channels for ten minutes straight, not having found anything to actually distract her long enough to forget about the day she had. Alex Muñoz was out there, accusing her squad of setting him up when he knew exactly that he was the one who was to blame. He got caught and now he was desperately trying to find a straw to hold on to that would allow him to climb back out of the political grave that he had dug for himself.

She changed the channel, once again, and there he was, next to his wife, an arm around her shoulder, apologizing to her and their children for having to suffer from the NYPD's vendetta against him. Staring at the screen with disgust, Olivia once again felt the bile rise in her throat and quickly pressed the channel section of the remote so she did not have to see him any longer.

She jumped lightly at hearing her girlfriend's voice, so caught up in her inner rant that she had not heard Amanda enter the room, "Hey, Baby? Have you seen my sweatpants?"

Turning around, she dropped the remote in shock at the sight. The blonde was wearing Olivia's silk bathrobe which was slightly too big for her, drying her damp hair with a towel, creamy, muscular legs on display and the belt tied in the front, but revealing the curve of perky breasts due to their difference in size.

Olivia opened and closed her mouth a few times and stared, making Amanda drop the towel, rush over, and kneel in front of her brunette girlfriend, "I'm sorry, Baby. Did I startle you? Are you okay?"

Swallowing hard, the taller woman nodded dumbly and croaked, "Fine."

Amanda gently nudged the brunette's thighs apart so she could scoot between them, gingerly cupping her love's cheek, "Are you sure? You look a little agitated there."

Olivia groaned internally because Amanda Rollins kneeling between her legs had to be the sexiest thing that she had ever seen and she had to reprimand herself for her thoughts; she had made Amanda wait for five months and now here she was, kneeling in front of the brunette in nothing but a skimpy bathrobe with concern and so much love simmering in bright blue eyes, oblivious to what she was doing to her girlfriend.

Smiling softly at the blonde detective, Olivia forced herself to find her voice again, "Yes, I'm fine. You just look stunningly gorgeous in my bathrobe."

At the realization of what the brunette was implying, blue eyes widened and plush lips formed a perfect, silent _oh_. Shaking her head lightly, Amanda moved to get back on her feet, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

Olivia knew that her love was probably already chastising herself for her carelessness and the brunette stopped her from getting up by grabbing her hands, "You didn't make me feel uncomfortable. On the contrary, Manda."

Cupping a pale cheek with her hand just like Amanda had done to her minutes prior, she watched as her girlfriend melted into her touch and closed her eyes. Olivia took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she was about to say to her girlfriend. She needed it out there and she needed the blonde to know the reason for her standoffishness while working the case; moreover, she needed her to know that she wanted her. All the time. She pinched the bridge of her nose briefly and decided that she just had to force herself to say the words out loud, "Look, Manda. I'm sorry for being so distant at work today." The blonde opened her mouth to protest, but Olivia shushed her with a shake of her head, "No, please. I have to get this out. Even though it was utterly unprofessional and ridiculous, I was jealous of Alex Muñoz. The fact that you excited him was a little too much for me. Don't get me wrong, you are the most beautiful and the sexiest creature that I have ever seen in my entire life and of course you excite people, but I don't think that I have ever actually said how much I want you. All the time, Manda. I know we have been together for five months and nothing ever happened between us and I'm so sorry that I'm not ready yet, but that doesn't mean that I don't want you. I need you to know that. You are the most enticingly gorgeous woman to me."

Misty blue eyes were staring up at her and Amanda climbed to her feet, slowly straddling her girlfriend on the couch, "Is this okay?"

After the brunette had nodded her consent, the younger woman got more comfortable on top of her, taking both her hands into her own and lacing their fingers together, their gazes locked in an intense stare, "Everything you see here is yours to touch whenever you want and whenever you're ready, Liv. You don't have to apologize for not being ready. I love you with all my heart and I will wait for you as long as it takes you to be ready. I want you to be sure and please don't feel pressured. I need you to know and to understand something as well, Olivia Benson. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I love you and of course I want you all the time as well, Liv. You are stunning and sexy and beautiful and amazing. Very much so and apparently you make me forget how to form proper sentences if that last one was any indication."

They both chuckled and the blonde continued, "I'm yours to touch, Baby. Whenever you're ready and whenever you want to, okay?"

Olivia smiled despite her emotions having her heart in a firm grip, "And whenever you want to. Consent is important."

Rolling her eyes playfully, Amanda snorted, "That was implied, Sherlock."

The two women laughed and the blonde played with her girlfriend's fingers before tentatively taking Olivia's hands and placing them on her bare thighs, her girlfriend's tan building a sharp contrast against her own milky skin. Pale fingers danced over the soft skin of Olivia's forearms as she smiled at chocolate brown orbs fixated on her hands against Amanda's thighs.

The brunette's thumbs started drawing tiny circles on the insides and Amanda took in a shuddering breath, because of course Olivia had to find one of her softest spots right with her first touch. Tilting the other woman's chin up with her fore- and middle fingers, the blonde leaned in and softly pressed their lips together in a slow kiss. When they parted, the brunette detective's eyes wandered down to the plunging neckline the bathrobe provided, Amanda having leaned forward now providing an enticing view of the blonde's cleavage. Shaky hands reached out to the bathrobe's belt, slowly and clumsily untying it until the silk was only limply falling around the blonde's gorgeous body. Olivia's eyes roamed along her creamy neckline, down between the valley of Amanda's breasts, taking in every crease between her abs, and gasped when she settled on her most sacred part and realized that her girlfriend was not wearing any underwear after just having left the shower.

Lifting her gaze back up in wonder, chocolate orbs met ocean blue and Amanda smiled softly at her girlfriend, bringing Olivia's hands up to her mouth to press kisses to each of them before guiding them between the lapels of the rope to touch her torso. Leaning back in, the blonde reconnected their lips and scooted closer to Olivia's own, still clothed torso on the couch, her tongue now tentatively slipping inside the brunette's hot, wet mouth to tangle with its mate. Both women let out a groan when they met and danced, Amanda feeling her nipples harden instantly.

The blonde pulled the bathrobe off and discarded it somewhere to her right on the couch, no layers now shielding her from her girlfriend's hungry gaze. Olivia's hands were still unsure and shaky, roaming Amanda's muscular back, feeling goose bumps rise under her touch, and she was sure that if she looked down to Amanda's breasts that second, she would encounter hard nipples, standing at attention from the chill of the room and Olivia's gentle touch. The thought of what she was doing to the other woman excited the brunette and she broke the kiss, both their breathing slightly ragged. The older woman did indeed look down and Amanda's chest was heaving slightly, pink, perky nipples standing at attention, begging to be touched. Raising her right hand with her index finger stretched out, Olivia tickled the pale skin of the valley between the blonde's breasts and listened to her breathing stutter. She followed the path of her finger with her eyes and licked her lips before returning her gaze to blue orbs, breathing into the air between them, "You are so beautiful, Manda."

Smiling at the other woman's words, whispered so tenderly to her, Amanda took Olivia's face in both hands and pressed their lips back together, a groan escaping the blonde as the older woman's finger grazed her straining nipple gently. The brunette took a sharp breath at the sounds her girlfriend was making, awestruck by the sexiness that was Amanda Rollins.

Growing bolder with each second and every soft moan that was coming from Amanda, Olivia flattened her hands and reached up to cup the blonde's perky breasts in her hands, fondling and squeezing tenderly, rubbing her nipples intermittently. The strangled cry that ripped from the other woman's throat and the sharp jerk of her slim hips made Olivia feel dizzy, the sheer beauty of her girlfriend dazzling her.

Amanda panted, gently rolling her hips into thin air and the brunette watched after breaking the kiss, but her girlfriend covered her hands against her breasts with her own, slowing her down gradually, "Liv, I can't hold back much longer. As nice as this is, but I feel like I'm going to explode."

Letting go of her love's soft globes immediately, Olivia blushed, "Fuck, Manda. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frustrate you even more than I already have."

Amanda's lips were covering her own plushness once again, shushing her, "Don't apologize to me. That was wonderful. I love having your hands on me. You're amazing."

Leaning forward, the brunette pressed their foreheads together, desperately trying to voice her desires, "Could we… uuuh… ugh, fuck…"

Stroking tan cheeks tenderly with her thumbs, the blonde cooed, "What is it, Baby? You can tell me."

Olivia swallowed thickly before reconnecting their eyes, "Will you hold me tonight?"

Amanda beamed, "You know you don't have to ask, my love."

Shaking her head, Olivia blushed a deep crimson up to the tips of her ears, "Um, naked?"

Amused by her girlfriend's sudden shyness, the blonde had to bite back a chuckle because she did not wish to make Olivia feel even more uncomfortable than she already was at making her request, so she just nodded. Climbing off the brunette's lap, Amanda threw the bathrobe back on, switched off the TV, and after taking the bottle of wine from the table to put it back into the kitchen she held her hand out for Olivia to take, "I will hold you naked until the end of time if you ask me to. Come on."

xxxx

Softly closing the door to the bedroom, Amanda walked over to the bed and started to remove the bedspread and decorative pillows so they could climb in. When she was done and turned back around to her girlfriend, she saw a very shy Olivia standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, shuffling her feet on the hardwood floor. Walking toward her girlfriend, Amanda reached out with her hands for Olivia to take them into her own, a silent gesture for her to know that her girl was waiting for the brunette to come to her.

Letting Amanda pull her in, she wrapped her arms around a slim waist and hugged her girlfriend, taking in the scent of vanilla and magnolias from her own shower gel, but also the sweet whiff that was so distinctly Amanda Rollins and that always had a calming effect on the brunette.

Amanda felt her girlfriend squeeze her hips gently and pulled away, smoldering chocolate orbs boring into her own blue ones as Olivia brushed the robe from her shoulders, once again.

Caressing down her pale arms, the brunette took her hands into her own and guided them to the hem of her sweater and tank top, letting Amanda know that she was okay with her clothing being removed. A wave of emotion rushed through the blonde detective at the trust she was getting from Olivia, settling right behind her eyes with a familiar burning that indicated that tears were forming there. Swallowing hard, the blonde tugged lightly on the hem of the brunette's shirts and pulled both over her head in one swift motion, blue eyes finding brown once again to give Olivia an anchor to keep her grounded in case she realized that this was moving too fast too soon for her after all.

Amanda waited for objections that never came, so she reached behind her love to unclasp the white lace bra she was wearing, bracing herself for seeing her girlfriend's naked torso for the first time.

Pulling the straps down Olivia's arms, the blonde let the bra fall to the floor on top of the pile of clothes that was forming now. When Amanda looked down, the cigarette marks where Willam Lewis had burned her love were staring back at her mockingly, albeit only paling the otherwise flawless skin lightly now that they had healed. Soon they would have almost faded, but nonetheless Amanda's throat constricted with emotion when she looked at the marred skin. Looking up into brown orbs once more, she leaned and brushed their noses together lovingly before placing a tiny kiss to Olivia's nose. Wandering to the left she repeated the motion on a tan cheek, her nose nuzzling and kissing chastely. She did the same with Olivia's pulse point and finally pressed one final kiss to her upper chest, right onto her scars while the brunette was threading her fingers through flaxen locks tenderly.

Amanda fused their lips together once again while making quick work of Olivia's sweatpants and panties, sliding them down long legs and letting the brunette kick them off the rest of the way. When they parted they locked eyes yet again, the blonde holding on to the moment for a little while longer before wandering blue eyes took in the glorious naked body of Olivia Margaret Benson for the very first time, her mouth going dry and moving like a fish, her words failing her when her eyes roamed over tan bulbous breasts, cocoa nipples, a soft stomach with the slightest hint of abs, and a neatly trimmed strip of hair guiding the way to Olivia's most sacred parts.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, the blonde finally managed to choke out, "You're breathtaking, Liv."

Blushing an adorable pink, the brunette lifted her hands to cover herself from the other woman's scrutiny, but Amanda did not let her, but instead took her hands into her own once again, pressed a tender kiss to her lips, and started to guide her to the bed.

Sinking down onto the edge, their hands still interlocked, Amanda started to scoot back and pulled Olivia with her, pulling the covers up around them until they were nestled in a cocoon of warmth, their legs tangled together, and Olivia's hair band discarded on the nightstand, her chestnut curls now splayed over the whiteness of the pillows. Amanda slowly slid closer to her girlfriend, nudging her to lift her head so she could use the blonde's arm as a pillow. When their bare skin and full body lengths touched for the first time, both women gasped softly and smiled, Amanda reaching out to wrap her free arm around the other woman's waist and let the tips of her fingers tickle Olivia's back, her love mirroring the action so that were cuddled up with their fingers dancing across each other's skin.

A comfortable silence fell around the two women, only their deep, even breaths surrounding them as they lay in bed, staring into each other's eyes lovingly. After a while of just enjoying their closeness, Olivia broke the silence in the room, "I'm sorry for being so immature about the thing with Muñoz, Manda. I will be more deliberate with my actions next time. I don't know why I felt threatened by him."

The blonde kissed Olivia's forehead, easing the tiny crinkles of worry that had manifested there, "Hey, don't apologize to me. As long as you talk to me about these things, we will be okay. We will always be okay. I love you. Come here."

Amanda turned onto her back and let her love climb on top of her, their breasts and cores touching and the blonde tried her best to suppress the hitch of her breath, Olivia chuckling against her, "If you're not okay with this we can just not do it, Manda. Please tell me."

Pressing her lips against a tan forehead yet again, Amanda delicately tickled up and down Olivia's spine and whispered, "This is perfect. You are perfect. I love you, Liv."

The brunette sighed deeply and contently, "I love you too, Manda. Forever."

Squeezing her girl a little tighter the blonde breathed, "Forever, my Baby."

xxxx

 **A/N 2: Thank you very much for reading. The quote in the beginning is taken from the song** _ **Lego House**_ **by Ed Sheeran.**

 **Reviews are love.**

 **Until next time, my lovelies.**


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